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Our Au Pair Doesn't Clean Up After Herself

10 replies

Jenna2212 · 18/09/2024 17:28

We've had an au pair with us for some time now. She has been great with my 2 children and they've bonded with her well. There is just one thing though, one big thing that irritates me. She never cleans up after herself and when she leaves the room, I find myself having to run around tidying up after her. For example, she came in to the lounge with a filled baguette from the supermarket and ate it sat on the sofa. When she left, the wrapper was still on the coffee table. She gives the children their dinner once a week when my husband and I finish work late and we have to commute home on the train from the city. Yesterday, I came back to find that she'd stacked the empty yoghurt pots up and instead of putting them in the bin, left them on the worktop.

As I said, she is very good with the children. I get along fine with her. I was thinking that I could subtly say to her that if she's ever looking for the bin, she can find it in the kitchen but knowing my frustration, it will likely come off as passive aggressive.

She is only 23 and was very much molly-coddled by her parents. I've got two young children of my own, I don't want to and I won't pick up after another one! We have a cleaner come in on Fridays but there are other times during the week where my husband and I are occupied with business matters and we get seldom free time to ourselves. I don't know how I want to approach the issue in deep honesty.

OP posts:
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Hadalifeonce · 18/09/2024 17:31

AP, please do not leave empty wrappers or dirty crockery around. I really don't expect to have to clear up after you, and it sets a very bad example to the children.

MissMoneyFairy · 18/09/2024 17:32

Ask her to put her rubbish in the bin, yoghurt pots she might have thought you wanted for play or recycling. She's an adult so just ask her.

Barkingdoghell · 18/09/2024 17:36

was thinking that I could subtly say to her that if she's ever looking for the bin, she can find it in the kitchen but knowing my frustration, it will likely come off as passive aggressive.
i can’t tell if you’re joking because no matter the tone or emotion behind it, this would come off as rude.

can you just have a chat with her
ask her how she’s getting on, and then tell her how great she is with the kids, how much you all love her, tell her some specifics of the things you really like that she does, and then add on but you’d love if she was a bit more conscious about tidying up after herself.

Unless this is a much bigger issue than you’ve explained, i don’t know if I’d care enough about one wrapper and some yoghurt pots though, if she’s good with your kids and you feel they are safe and happy with her.

alternatively when she does clean up after herself say you love that she does that, it makes such a huge difference to you and DH, you love that you can trust her to take the initiative to do it. It might encourage her to do it a bit more.
either way, much better than being rude about it

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Barkingdoghell · 18/09/2024 17:37

Hadalifeonce · 18/09/2024 17:31

AP, please do not leave empty wrappers or dirty crockery around. I really don't expect to have to clear up after you, and it sets a very bad example to the children.

This is perfect. Just say this?

Mayflower282 · 18/09/2024 17:42

I would just be honest with her, say it bothers you. Might be a good opportunity for you to ask her if there’s anything that YOU do that bothers her too!

EducatingArti · 18/09/2024 17:42

If she hasn't been expected to do this when she was at home with her parents, then she may not even realise it is any kind of issue. I'd just kindly explain it to her.

DreamHolidays · 18/09/2024 17:52

Please don’t do subtle chats.
Just tell her. So much more efficient.

Chasingsquirrels · 18/09/2024 17:56

Hadalifeonce · 18/09/2024 17:31

AP, please do not leave empty wrappers or dirty crockery around. I really don't expect to have to clear up after you, and it sets a very bad example to the children.

1st reply is all you need.

PrincessOfPreschool · 18/09/2024 18:04

Barkingdoghell · 18/09/2024 17:37

This is perfect. Just say this?

I think that's a bit harsh for a first time and piling on the emotional guilt! I would be direct but kind. "AP please can you put any rubbish in the bin. We don't recycle yoghurt pots so they can go in the bin but we do recycle cereal boxes." etc. You could go through (maybe again!) what goes in what bin. In future, anything left I would leave it there and then ask her to put in bin ("There's an empty packet on the table, could you put it in the bin please.")

C152 · 18/09/2024 18:21

Just be polite but direct. 'Please remember to put rubbish in the bin.'

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