How did the love for your second child differ from your 1st?

[greenleaveseverywhere]

Just that really..

I've got second baby on the way and I know everyone says you love them the same and your heart just expands but I would like to hear some personal stories.

With my first, I felt an instant and overwhelming, life altering explosion of love the second she was placed on my chest. It was euphoric and I'm just obsessed with her.

Is it possible that the second could be a different experience?

Tell me your stories x

There have been two interesting threads on this in the last week or so, I’ll try to find links.

I left the house on the morning of my ELCS for my second so sure I couldn’t love the new baby as much as my first that I wanted to tell DD I’d be back soon and not to worry, I’d always love her the most. DH had to almost literally drag me away before I did 😂

As they lifted him out of me a few hours later I was overwhelmed by a wave of pure protective love for him, utter relief at his safe arrival and a flash of realisation that I have more than enough space in my heart for both of them and it was all going to be okay.

Everyone had told me that but of course I hadn’t believed them, how could I when it seemed so impossible? In my experience they were right. And my goodness do they adore each other in a way I couldn’t have imagined. You won’t believe me, but try not to worry too much.

I think this is an interesting question and a common fear - that few people ask. I had my second at a stage of being so in love with my first and really worried about exactly this but I did feel just as much love for the second (and third and fourth) but it did for me come a day or two after birth and with the third I loved her of course but it was a couple of weeks before there was that earth shattering falling in love with her ifswim - I really noticed the moment. I would say though that I have retained a closer relationship with my first child at all times - I just adore him - even at a burly 14! Not more than the other children - it is just that I ‘get’ him - in a way that I haven’t always felt about the others (though I adore them all!). Maybe because we had those first two years alone together and even after number two was there she was of course just always ‘coming too’ with whatever we were doing for a while… But rest assured you will love all your children to pieces just maybe differently at different stages… and I think thats OK! And of course there is the sibling love which is (as poster above says) a surprise in it strength actually as we’re told to expect jealousy etc.. mine all love each other! Always have! Enjoy your upcoming love bubble!

I actually didn't feel that rush of love for my eldest until about 36h after birth, mainly due to drugs and exhaustion.
With my second it was pretty much straight away.
I definitely love them the same

I did feel that rush of love too. But it's frustrating to have to divide my attention now. I feel like I had more focus to give my first and I was definitely more PFB with him. Now my eldest is into the pre teens it's bliss to still cuddle in with my second.

I didn't feel instant love for either of them, probably because I was bloody exhausted and just wanted to sleep after both births! But by six months my love for them was beyond words. They are now teens, and honestly I love them both so deeply, there simply aren't enough words to convey my feelings.
Love isn't limited and different loves exist. The love I feel for my husband is totally different to the love I have for my children, which is different again to the love I have for my friends, and different again to the love I had for my mum. And of course I love my dog, particularly the incredibly soft ears, and the soft click, click click of paws on the lino!
Love isn't one dimensional and it expands all the time. You may think you'll never love another like your first but you absolutely will, it might be slightly different, but it will be just as fierce and strong. It might not happen immediately and that's okay too, but it will happen.

I spent my whole second pregnancy worrying about it, thinking we’d made a massive mistake and we’d regret it. That we had changed our eldest son’s life forever and he would hate us for it (he was just under the age of 4 when his brother was born) and I really tortured myself with it. So much so that I didn’t feel bonded to my second at all whilst I was pregnant with him.

Anyway, as soon as he was born I was madly in love with him. He, just like his brother, was perfection. I was in hospital for one night with him and I couldn’t stop staring at him and the love was so instant that I honestly can say I had NOTHING to worry about.

Because my heart just expanded it was like I had even more love for my eldest. I can’t explain it really but it’s like suddenly I loved him even more too. My eldest adored him as a baby too, well he still loves him but now he’s a bit of a nightmare toddler he does avoid him somewhat 😂

We’ve just had our third two weeks a go and I didn’t have any worries this time because I just knew there would be no need and again everything was fine. She’s here and she’s perfection, just like her brothers. And just like last time my boys love her, the younger one absolutely adores her to pieces.

P.S I loved the birth of my second even more. It was a much more positive experience and I knew what I was getting in to in terms of how to look after a baby so it didn’t feel terrifying.

Like I say having our second was a much more positive experience overall, no worrying how to change a nappy, no shock to the system when you’re up all night, knowing what to expect postpartum etc. we were also in our own home when my second was born too as when my first was born we lived with my mum for 9 months. Ahh, I look back very fondly when I remember that time I truly do.

The overwhelming sense of bonding with my first and my second child was exactly the same (they are both in their forties now!). I was lucky in that I had a natural birth with both (no CS, no gas, air, epidural or anything). First labour was five hours, second was two-and-a-half hours so I guess I didn't have time to get exhausted which probably helped!...

The thing about the second child, is that the highs aren't perhaps quite as high but i also found that the lows are nowhere near as low. As that shock as you transition to actually 'being a parent' and putting someone else first for the first time doesn't happen second time around. Instead you just buckle up and roll with it and you know that all phases will pass.

hey i have 5 kids and i love them all the same from the minute they were born, you do get those worries with each one though, when i was pregnant with my twins i worried i would think one was cuter than the other or easier and possibly bond with the easier baby better but nope 👎 its amazing how big your heart can swell with each baby lol xx

Love doesn't divide, it multiplies.

My first child was the result of a long and difficult period of infertility and recurrent miscarriage. I loved her so intensely and with as much fear as joy. It was all consuming, she was part of me and it felt like we were one being for the first year. My second child was a slow burn - less intense and as a result just a much more easy going and joyful love.

I think the love for your children is equal as an overall and your love expands.... but I do think you can have areas you enjoy more with one child as opposed to the other. I don't think that makes much sense 🥴

I felt it was easier to enjoy my second babies first few weeks as I wasn't constantly scared of doing something wrong.

Just wanted to say OP that if you don't get a mad burst of love at the moment of birth you are not weird! About 30% of women don't, apparently.
I didn't with any of mine, so my love for them has grown and grown rather than being all at once. The youngest therefore I don't love quite so much yet I would say (if it's possible to quantify these things) but he's catching up fast and by the time he's 18 months or so I'm confident it will be the same.
So don't worry if you are like me either. Just invest the same time and effort into them and your feelings will come right.

I actually had quite a challenging time during my 2nd borns pregnancy and her birth was more difficult too, which may have been factor...

I did love No. 2 very much, as soon as she was born, but no I didn't love her as much or the same as my 1st, hand on heart. She was a baby, and they're cute but they're also sort of scream-potatoes; whereas firstborn had entered this phase of intense loveliness - talking, playing, loving, funny and a person I'd already known and loved for 3 years. Definitely a different experience as when No. 1 was born there was no comparison to make.

I worked really hard on not shaming myself for my feelings and not overthinking it. Though it did make me feel quite worried and anxious. Nevertheless I cared for her, loved her, did my best for her. And from about 2+ years / with her starting to talk I'd say I came to know and love her just the same as my first.

And that's alright. I'm just putting this out there because if your worst fears come true and you don't straight away feel the same love as you have for your first, I want you to feel reassured that sometimes it takes longer and that's still okay. Babies can't tell your innermost thoughts! It only matters to them that you care for them ❤️

I didn't feel love for my first for many weeks. It was fairly instant with my second and I then loved them both equally. I've found my second infinitely easier than my first and I'm way happier generally.

My love for DC1 was actually a bit of a slow burner. I took a while to adjust to my new life. Whereas with DC2 it was instant. I was ready to be her mum right from the moment she was there. Was in the swing of it by then, thanks to DC1 for softening me up.

Some things which have been different...with DC1 we shared a lot of firsts. With DC2 her firsts were also my lasts as we only planned two children. It made them both special in their own way. I was also more aware of how fleeting each stage was so I cherished the positives and understood the negatives would pass. Thirdly there was an element I totally overlooked which was the privilege of watching the relationship between the DC blossom. I thought I knew love when DC1 looked at me, but seeing DC2 look at DC1 was next level.
Then finally to play to a stereotype my children really live their birth orders. DC1 is contentious, empathetic, considered, he likes to understand and follow rules/instructions...whilst also being something of a clown. I love the talks we have, the calm when it's just us, the silliness in his humour is very like me and we complement eachother well. DC2 on the other hand is hilarious. Her comedic timing is next level. She also genuinely gives zero fucks, which I appreciate a lot of the time. She's a breath of fresh air in an otherwise quite serious household. They are quite genuinely chalk and cheese. Which is very like me and DH so it mostly works. But all these traits mean I don't love them the same, it would be impossible. I definitely don't love either one more than the other, but the things I love about them are as individual as they are. They're blooming brilliant, both of them!

I've got 5 and can truly say I love them all the same but yes in different ways. My first two were twins and the love for them together never changed!!! Then my 3rd (so my second birth) was my first boy and that was a completely different love and a new love for me.

The love for my first is wrapped up in the worry about trying to make the best decisions for him. He was very unwell at birth and so I've worried about him from day one (even though he's done brilliantly).

The love for my second is much more uncomplicated. I don't overthink every decision, but I've made the difficult decisions with my first and my second then just follows the same path unless there's a reason not to.

I remember feeling like this. A few years later and I still marvel at how I genuinely love them both the same amount. They're of course special in their own individual way, but the love I have is as strong for one as it is the other.

It's a weird relief not just from a personal perspective but also reassuring to my younger self that my mum was telling me the truth when she said she loved us all the same! 🤣

I remember a friend with 3 children said she loved them all the same, but that feeling of wonder lessened each time.
I felt the same when my 2nd was born - complete and utter love, but with slightly less of the sense of wonder.
Now they are teenagers I love them equally but differently. With the first I feel we share the same heart (I stole that phrase from poor Sinead because I understood it totally). With the second it's more fiery love as we're really different but I find him fascinating!

Your heart definitely grows with each child. Mine are now mid primary age and i certainly love and adore them all equally.
However, while my first born was an instant love (I had never felt such joy the day he was born), my second birth was twins. I had grieved that pregnancy somewhat as I hadn't planned for twins and, although I knew how lucky I was, I felt angry that my chance for a second baby experience had been made harder. It's not an unusual feeling for twin mums. However, it meant that the first few weeks of the twins lives didn't involve that sudden rush of love. Instead it grew more slowly. But once it had fully developed, the love for them was every bit as overwhelming and all consuming as the love for my firstborn.