PR and lives with order

[Zoopymoopy]

Both of us have PR and I have lives with order, he sees daughter two times a month. I wanted some advice about being kept in the know by school when other parent contacts them about coming to pick up child from school. Daughters dad is due to pick her up from school, I was going to meet him so we can go in together etc. on a phone conversation with our 4 year old he says “I called your headteacher and she said I can come and collect you without any ID”, this obviously got my attention and when I asked for more details, he said “headteacher called him back and said because you have PR you can come and collect her”, which I’m ok with because I agreed to meet him,I’m just a tad startled as to why the school wouldn’t let me know of this conversation? To be honest I would have appreciated a heads up from him but can’t depend on him to tell me these things. I’m not sure fully what PR involves apart from the most common things, and when I filled out her school application I sent through the CAO and asked that if anyone apart from me wants to pick up my daughter, to please let me know, the reason I asked was even though dad and I are on good terms now, I’m worried that he could just pick up and collect her without my knowledge and take her somewhere without my permission which would go against CAO. Previously he has done some not so nice things where he has made “threats” and as a mum, I worry what if. Please can I get some advise on how I should speak with the school to kindly let me know if outside of the agreed times she is with her dad, for them to let me know. She lives with me and I make all arrangements for her childcare etc, he’s a good dad and he can only see her twice a month( his decision) and one of those days he will pick her up from school going forward.
thank you

Trouble is that even with the court order they can't actually stop him collecting her unless you provide a non contact order. Yes the CAO specifies his contact with her but the school is right that he does have PR. All you can do is ask that they phone you to alert you if he collects her on days that he's not due to. But they may not keep close tabs on which days he's supposed to and which he isn't.

Ok thank you! I would have thought this is something to keep an eye on, say if I kept them in the loop if there were changes to the days etc.

If you show the school the live with order they will call you to advise you, you can let them know ahead of time the days he's expected to have contact.

The trouble with asking the school to contact you if he turns up is yes - you can, but since he's allowed to collect her sometimes it's clearly not a matter of her being at risk if he does, so it feels like you're asking the school to intervene in a dispute between you as parents. Why would he collect her on days that aren't his? That's the issue you need to deal with and school don't really need to be a part of this. It's a bit much to expect school to keep track of which parent is due to collect on which days. They will be aware if there is a risk flag against one parent and that's reasonable to ask but this isn't that is it?