5 year old school upset - advice please

[queenroo]

Having a real struggle with my 5 year old daughter going into school everyday, it's only started since the last 3 weeks of going into year 1. I know it's a big adjustment going into an older class but she's now getting so worked up even as soon as she wakes up, refusing to get dressed, crying etc then having a full on meltdown when we get to the school door, the last 2 days the teacher has had to pull her off me and drag her in kicking and screaming!!

Every time I've phoned school 15 minutes later she's always settled and fine and is fine the rest of the day and comes home happy!

I've tried different ways of talking to her and tried a 'brave bear' and drawing hearts on our hands and different techniques but I fear it's just getting worse.....does anyone have any advice? I'm getting worn out with it

That was my child in P2 (age 6)

It's really tough but he did eventually get over it.

My daughter has just started reception and we've had the same thing. My mum gave her a cloth hankie with a nice picture on it, we told her she could keep it up her sleeve and take it out to have a cuddle with when she was feeling sad. I also washed it so it smelled like home. She's been absolutely fine ever since!

I presume that during some calm time away from morning you’ve tried to unravel what the feelings are that are causing this distress.

Is there a particular friend she likes, could you meet up with that child 50m (or so) from school, and walk together?

my daughter is in y1 too, and finds the going in and getting to class solo quite daunting (last year the teacher met them in the playground and shepherded them in)

she and another pal hold hands and go together.
happy as Larry like that.

also.
the idea that the teachers peels a crying child off you is pretty grim .
i think there is a better gentler way.

the head at my daughters school seems to have a lovely way of dealing with upset kids,
and when my son was in a phase of hating to go into school she met with him and they chatted and identified what was upsetting him, it became much easier after that .

much solidarity to you!
it’s exhausting trying to maintain your own calm when your child is disregulated like this.

You just have to ride it out OP. Highly doubt she will be doing this in year 4. Bright and breezy, hug and kiss and leave. If someone else can do drop offs, even better. She may just be doing it because it’s you.

It's tough but she will definitely get over it. Best thing you can do is make drop off time quick and simple - hand her over, quick goodbye and walk away

Thank you everyone, I suppose that's all I wanted to hear that it would get better because I felt so daunted this morning at doing this everyday forever!!

Praying for a better morning tomorrow. Not sure if I should completely not mention school whilst getting ready and distract her or try to reassure her? Neither help really!

Bribe her with something to encourage her to get ready on time? DS is 4 but has always been like this - it’s like he doesn’t want to leave us, but when he’s there he has fun. I began to play podcasts / stories for him on the drive, let him keep toys and art supplies in the car, and if we arrive early he gets to draw his teacher something which she loves.

My daughter started off like this in reception and by the end of the year was much better at going in and me leaving her but then it all started again in year one with her being much better after Christmas.
She's just started year 2 and she's exactly the same again, it's just the new year I think and she's worried the works going to be harder.
She even has the same teacher and classroom in year 2 as year 1 so that's not it.
The teacher also says she is fine when I've gone.
I don't have any advice or I'd be willing to use it myself but I do notice she improves as the year goes on and you're definitely not alone, even if it feels like it sometimes.
She's also the same whether it's me taking her, dh or a grandparent it's almost like a little ritual to follow until further in the year when she forgets.

Thank you for your message, it does really help to know I'm not alone!

I've just made her a little sticker chart to try and give her something to focus on whilst getting ready she can tick off the things she's done so far that morning. Good idea with toys etc that would be a good distraction even in a morning when she wakes up and in the kitchen just to have her toys around her, I put playdoh out this morning and that did help distract her.

God the screaming as she went in this morning, I swear I can still hear it!!!

That's a great idea with podcasts and stories, we walk to school everyday but I could have them playing as we're getting ready. Are there any podcasts you could suggest?

Thank you for replying

Well today was slightly easier, got ready for school downstairs whilst playing etc and did her sticker chart as she got her teeth brushed etc, no crying on the walk to school, got her all the way in the door then she turned and bolted for me, a teacher who she didn't know grabbed her and held her back so you can imagine the screaming that came from that!!!

There must be a better way of the school greeting her at the door? Or am I expecting too much from the school? Either way I'm traumatised again

One of mine was like this and turned out they were autistic, they're a teen now and feel traumatised from primary. Didn't help school refused to help or believe she had asd and even when diagnosed refused to believe how much she struggled because she masked so well :(

Another update, we walked with a friend today and she went in happy and smiling, I'll take it for today :)

If she's hapoy at school amd at hometime I think it's time for sone tough love. It is school this morning, I'll be there to pick you up with upur scooter/snack whatever amd to hear about your day. Hand over to teacher , a quick goodbye and off you go.

We had similar I actually de registered and now home educate as I refused to let them drag dd off me and she was so distressed !

I think I'm in agreement with you, I think I've been emotionally attaching myself to the situation and making it a bigger problem than it is.

Teacher said it's usually minutes and she's stopped crying and gets on with the day!

Just by way of an update and for more reassurance we're still having an issue with getting her through the school door without crying, I'm finding it such a massive emotional struggle.

She's not screaming and being dragged off me which is a massive bonus but she's still crying every morning when she gets to the door and mostly has to wait for a teacher to come and hold her hand.

I realise there could be a million ways to handle it and I've tried distracting, giving all the cuddles I can, is it time to just start being firmer about it?

When will she grow out of it!