What do you do when they just don't sleep?

[CosmicLove]

My daughter aged 21 months woke up at 1.15am this morning. This is normal for her and usually I just take her straight into spare room bed with me, and we go back to sleep. However this morning, she just wouldn't. Some crying (wanting daddy - we went through and cuddled daddy in our bed), but mostly just active and awake (although clearly exhausted). I persevered for more than 2 hours with trying to lie down in the bed, cuddles, singing, reciting favourite stories, music on, warm milk, snuggling with her teddy. Eventually we went downstairs and tried Zog on iPlayer, more warm milk, some toys, books. Clearly not working, we came back up and tried lying in bed again with cuddles and music. Eventually she fell asleep after 5am, having been awake for 4 hours. I'm exhausted 😩

I'm wondering if other people experience this with your children? And aside from leaving them to cry (which I'm not doing) how do you navigate this situation?

Any tips gratefully received 🙏

See if it's a one off or becomes a pattern. When it became a pattern, we stopped the nap and the split night resolved. She was a little older than yours though. Around 2.5

The only thing I ever found to work (except CC,) was being completely boring. No lights, no stimulation, cuddles in the dark or patting in the dark. No singing.
Returning to bed if they can get out themselves.
I did do CC as well as had one who woke up every 30 minutes for a few months and as I had 3 little ones it would have ended in me going insane. CC lasted 2 nights had there was less crying involved in those nights than in any of the other nights!

I certainly wouldn’t give that much attention to it. A quick cuddle and back in bed. Everytime there after just a minute or so of back patting and saying it’s bedtime

Another vote for drop the nap. My dd was on no naps by this age, it was the only way to get her to sleep at night

Too much attention and excitement. Put her back to bed. Say "it's bedtime sweetheart" the first time, then say nothing after that. Be gentle and kind but stick her back in bed every single time.

Ours did this everytime she needed a nap transition. Dropping/cutting the nap resolved it without fail.

Like you, the only thing we could do was treat it like a mini wake window and stay with her but in a low-stimulation way.

Always wake up at the same time you usually would though, as hard as it it. We could get in habits of lying in and then maintaining the split night.

I think it’s all the moving away, cuddles with daddy, playing, music, etc. That would keep most people up!

Go in spare room, lights off, lie there until you’re both asleep.

See if you can push through without a nap (one of mine dropped a nap at this age the other carried on til school so it depends) but otherwise I would agree with above - just bring her in bed with you and be warm, cuddly and otherwise boring.. and go to sleep. Certainly putting on TV is a terrible idea, very stimulating and doesn’t signal night time.. you need to be ‘night time mummy’ different to what you’d do in the daytime..
I had my toddlers in my room with me until they were two and half and breastfed them until three and that made it easy to feed them off to sleep (I imagine getting up to get a warm bottle, cup is likely to wake them up more?) so perhaps I had an easier set up but you’ll find a way that works for you both and remember everything with kids is a phase - even the good bits… trust me one day you’ll miss the middle of night cuddles.. (not that that helps your exhaustion today - coffee ? )

I think you’re being far too accommodating. I wouldn’t allow her out of her bed and would just keep going in, reassuring and then leaving. On repeat. I appreciate that approach isn’t for everyone though!

This was us last night! DD also 21 months. We do the same - spare room and just lie still and play dead... If she's ever upset, we'd offer milk, but that's really a last resort.

I'd really avoid screens or any stimulation - when times are hard, we'll do gentle singing or talking softly to offer some comfort but keep things very calm.

Split nights are the worst. Hope you can manage some rest today!

Thank you everyone. The split night came after 3 days of different napping (one with no nap and 2 with much shorter naps) as we thought she was maybe ready to reduce / drop nap because she wasn't going down till later than I'd want in the evening. I've gone back to her usual 1 hour & 45 mins ish daytime nap, but brought it forward so she's up by 12.30/1pm and the past 2 nights have been much better. I'm thinking she was probably overtired on the split night. We're night weaning so what used to be a straightforward boob in the mouth / off to sleep is no longer that easy. The warm milk is a comforting replacement for her (which she asks for) but unfortunately it comes with going downstairs to prepare which is of course more rousing for her than lying there and BF. She's also still in a cot, not a bed yet. I think if it happens again, I will go for lying in the dark spare room being boring and see how that goes. Thanks again all. Great to hear all the different experiences xx

No singing, stories etc no cup of warm milk just a boring sip of water. Say it’s bedtime, give cuddle and walk away and repeat. If you must lie with her then pretend to be asleep and lie quietly.
Today I wouldn’t let her sleep in, get her up at normal time.