Why am I sending my son to nursery?

[Wonderlust233]

My son is almost 3 and he has just started nursery. I don't need to send him for childcare reasons and I think I'm sending him because it will be good for his development.

For those of you experienced mums... do you think that nursery was beneficial to your child? Would you send them again if you were to look back?

I have a one year old at home too and my 2yo is actually really helpful. As in, he doesn't really stop me from doing everything I want to do. I enjoy his company and I feel like I'm taking away our time to bond together as a family.

He is going for 4 half days. I don't see much of him when I work 3 days a week.

So your working time doesn't overlap with his nursery time? I am a big Penelope Leach/strong bond in the early years/stay at home while they're tiny type, but even I sent them off for half days at this point. I figured we were going to stay and plays every morning anyway, and they went to a fab sure start nursery, so they got something new from it.

What does your child make of it?

I don’t need to send mine either but she started going two short days ( 9-3) when she was three and now she’s nearly four she’s just started four short days until she goes to school next sep. It’s only term time and I always keep her home when she’s poorly. Mine definitely needs the stimulus and I need a bit of peace frankly. I think school might be a bit of a shock if you don’t send them at all

All the studies show that children benefit from staying with primary carer until 3/3.5yrs. That's when they start benefitting from childcare situations and socialising without their parents.

However if you've another baby, you and the baby may benefit from time without the 2yo. Its all what works for your family. I sent both of mine at 2.5 for 2 short days and it made me appreciate the time I had them more.

DH is at home on my working days so childcare is covered.

I've been picking DS up after 1-2 hours as part of his transitioning phase. DS is a trooper in general. He likes independence from a distance. He doesn't mind but equally doesn't want to be there for so long.

I could cut it to 3 half days instead. That way I get a full day with DS. I'm a big montessori fan and we did a lot of cooking and domestic tasks together at the time he is now at nursery. This was 50/50 though as some times I'd need a bit of down time and we would just relax and watch TV, play with magnets, have tea/babycino together.

I didn't value that 1:1 time we had whilst DS1 was napping but I think it was really special for us both.

I also feel really silly when I'm dropping him off and then taking DS1 out for a walk/nature trail/cafe because nursery drop off interrupts his nap time so I go out more instead with him. Just

By the time your two are teens and beyond, you won’t care one bit about this. Do the best you can right now. Love them, enjoy them, don’t worry about their “developmental milestones” etc. Line up 25 kindergarteners 6 weeks after term starts and you won’t be able to tell which are organic food, which toilet trained first, which walked or talked first, and which went to nursery at 2.5 versus 3 or 3.5 or not at all. You only need to read a couple of these studies to see how little these things really matter to children who come from loving, stable and healthy homes.

I would do three half days. and don’t feel afraid to cut it even more. Sounds like you have a lovely set up together. I sent DS two mornings a week and that was good for us.

I wouldn’t have sent DS if I didn’t have to (so I could work). We’d have had much more fun together. I never understand why people send their kids to nursery when they can (and would like to) spend time with them. DS1 is 19 now and at university. Those years flew by and I treasure the memories of time we spent together.

I thought it would be good as DH spends 3 days with the kids and I thought he wouldn't be able to manage as well as he is.

I also thought I would get more time to exercise but that really isn't happening.

I'm not an experienced mum, but if you don't want your send him, don't send him (or at least drop to the minimum you want to send him if the nursery will allow).
I would have thought it would be nice to spend some one-on-one with your second child?
But other than that if you enjoy spending time together and you don't need the childcare then do what suits your family.

Thank you x I didn't know you could send 2 days a week.

I sent mine as they enjoyed it. Zi don't think its better than being at home... but its different. The nursery definitely had more imagination than me for craft, sensory play etc.

They did 2 3hr sessions a week from 18 month to 3years then the 5 sessions to make 15hrs.

I used the time for medical appointments, grocery shopping, cleaning, the gym... and for 1-1 time with their sibling.

I send/have sent my DC even though I'm a SAHM. I chose a term time only nursery and I think the majority of children attending aren't there just for the childcare aspect. Personally I think my DC have really benefited, outside for large portions of the day, so much craft and painting etc. Plus the social skills.

Does your son enjoy it?

A bit of practice being in a classroom setting before reception is helpful. Most children will be used to separating from parents, following basic directions from a teacher, and being part of a larger group of children by the time they get to real school.

if he is a year out from starting reception, I would stick with it. If timings mean he doesn’t go for 2 years, I don’t think there is any harm in waiting another year.

My toddler (2y4m) has just started at a morning preschool and I started my older child at nursery at around the same age. I'd say about 2.5 years is the ideal age to start, but both started a bit earlier, in September, as that's when places became available due to older kids leaving to go to school.

I think it helped my eldest develop amazingly and I don't regret it at all. I'm a sahm and sent my eldest for 3 short days, so I had 2 weekdays with her to do classes and take her to visit places and lots of playground time. I think that a full week in nursery can be a bit limiting as it means it's hard to do other outside activities (swimming, more challenging playgrounds, specialist music and dance, trips out to museums and theatre). I think my DD1 would have been bored being in the same location for 5 out of 7 days. As a parent I'm less into setting up lots of my own activities at home and more into taking dcs out for a broad range of activities, as there's a huge selection on offer nearby. So I'm glad I still had some non-nursery time with my DD1 through the week.

With DD2 she is enrolled in a 5 mornings preschool rather than full days, but I am taking her out on one day (so she attends 4 days) so she can attend certain classes (they develop on to further classes at primary age so keeping her attending means she's guaranteed a spot in the older classes). She's only been attending nursery for a couple of weeks but she's developed so much independence already - it's like a mindset shift in no longer being dependent on me (I've been with her almost 24/7 as a sahm). I do feel sad at missing quality time with her - after nursery she just has lunch, naps and then we just have a short time before the school run, so there's no time to fit in any activity or trip out in the afternoons. But we have amazing family trips out at weekends and we'll also have school holidays, so overall I think we have a good balance.

From 3 years DD2 will go to the school nursery attached to her future primary school - I think if that is available it's definitely worth sending them there so they get to know other kids going into the same cohort, the buildings and staff.

I sent my ds to a child minder who had a steady group of five children aged 2+

I sent him because I needed to work but the benefits for him were...
learning to enjoy interacting with another adult .
socialising with other children
sharing
experiencing a new environment
experiencing new ways of doing things
having a more structured day
starting to learn about rules

It made the transition to school much easier and gave ds lots of confidence.

I initially sent my son to nursery at one because I was back at work two days a week. I left that job after a few months but kept him in because we thought it was good for him. I've been a stay at home mum the rest of the week since then (he's now 3), and I don't regret keeping him in at all.

His walking and talking developed so fast each time he moved into a room with other children to copy. He gets much more at nursery having his own independence and learning to navigate the world and social situations for himself, that I can't replicate at toddler groups where he knows I'm always around to intervene. And learning how to interact with different adults with different expectations and ways of expressing them. So many aspects of human behaviour that we just can't teach him at home, because how he interacts with peers is different to how he interacts with us.

He's learned about so many different things by having experiences that I just wouldn't have the time or resources to provide at home. He constantly comes home knowing all about a topic I've never thought to discuss with him. His numbers and letters have improved so much because they have twenty different ways of practising them that again I can't do at home. He's learning first hand about how different families and cultures live.

I genuinely don't think a full time stay at home parent can provide anywhere near the benefits a good nursery can. And I say that as someone who was a stay at home parent myself and a former teacher who has an advantage in what I could offer at home.

Oh that is very much not true, and I say that as a former teacher of children that age. The other things, sure, but you absolutely can tell which children have never been to nursery for far longer than six weeks into the first term!

Can your child be happy and settled in school after six weeks, to the point that their parent will think no nursery made no difference? Of course. But that doesn't mean an objective observer couldn't watch them during the school day and tell which ones went to nursery and which didn't.

He is December born, so he has around 2 years before reception.

The nursery he goes to is very unstructured. The kids just mostly play independently. They are fine with me taking him home earlier. He enjoys it...

I might send him to a more structured preschool closer to school time. He's really independent by nature. He likes to get on with it and he doesn't cry really.

I don't know... I'll just see how it goes. If there is an improvement then I'll see it.

I think DS is in a different situation to other kids because we have a large family with lots of other kids. So he is always seeing 2-8 year olds regularly. There are 4 cousins his age and he is used to them.

Mine loved her nursery, it was a Montessori with a bit of a structure to it so not pure Montessori. It was great for her, she got to do a lot of messy play and she genuinely enjoyed it. She used to start bawling on the weekends because she wanted to go in. They did theme of the week and got to do science experiments (obsessed with the make a volcano one) they did cookery classes and even a few yoga sessions. Her teachers were also excellent with feedback at what we could do at home to help her development.

I don’t think family is the same thing as unrelated peers tbh, I had loads of cousins, I was still extremely socially akward.

Because at 3 it benefits him socially and educationally, younger and I don’t think there is a reason other than necessity but at 3 it is truly a benefit to him.
That’s why schools have nursery classes, I was a SAHM until my youngest was settled into reception but the both started playgroup at 2 3/4 and school nursery 5 mornings the September after they were 3, which would be next September for your DS.

edit to add they did 2 mornings at playgroup, which was the age your DS is.