I need help

[TheTwirlyPoos]

I don't know where to turn.

DS is just 6. Has ASD. Has become more defiant, more mercurial, hurts his sister, screams and shouts when reprimanded. Most of the time he's lovely though unbelievably intense.

DH and I are so stressed and we are shouting more than we ever have. This is not ok and we know that.

I'm on my knees with exhaustion. Tonight yet again he went from lovely to totally awful at bedtime, it's like he changes personality and again I had to manhandle him up the stairs to get him to bed. He became worse and worse in the bathroom and I lost it. I smacked him on his bottom, roughly put him in the shower, showered him not kindly. I was horrible. I was snarling and awful. he cried and screamed at me (which is obviously a normal thing to do). When I burst into tears he laughed at me

I told him I was sorry, we talked about behaviours which make us sad, I asked him to tell me how he felt and how he'd like to feel etc. We snuggled in his bed and read his nighttime book as usual, did his songs etc. he went to bed settled.

I need help. Please there is no point telling me I'm awful and it's not ok, I know that. I don't know who to talk to or how I can make it better.

I am on citalopram just to answer that question.

I have two ND young kids so I get it. I’m also I think ND myself and since I have started thinking in this way I take more care of my own sensory needs. Screaming sends me over the edge - highly recommend some loop earplugs.

You lost control OP and reached the end of your tether. It is incredibly challenging raising ND children. Please don’t listen to anyone who comes along and is critical and doesn’t have ND children!

We do all sometimes reach breaking point. You’ve recognised that and tried to make it right with your son. You’re going to feel awful tonight so I would stay off mumsnet and get some sleep.

my advice is to do what you can to destress.

maybe read “the explosive child”.

try to work out what’s the issue at bedtime. Is it the transition? Is it stopping the thing he’s doing? Is something bothering him about bedtime?

Thank you. I really appreciate it

I will have a think about it and perhaps ask him about what upsets him about bedtime. He knows it's coming up, we are very routined, I try and make it nice, we always have a book etc etc. he's also absolutely bloody exhausted by then.

Honestly I wouldn’t worry about it tonight. You need to rest. These problems sometimes send resolve over time. Maybe just reduce pressure (one of mine has PDA so I do this a lot!!)

I have no advice here, just to say as a parent of only one, well behaved DC I have also said and done things I regret! I can't imagine how hard you have it and absolutely understand it must seem impossible at times! 💐

I think you've done the best possible thing in talking to him afterwards like this, apologising but also explaining. It seems lots of parents skip this part when they lose their cool so good on you for prioritising it right away.

Sending huge hugs, please don't beat yourself up over this too badly 🤗

Hey i have 2 children with asd, dd14 and ds9, it is hardwork! Cut yourself some slack we have all reached breaking point even with ‘normal’ children sometimes. When my ds gets into those screaming meltdowns its hard to keep my cool, i tend to have to drag him to his room and close the door on his to give muself 5 minutes to calm myself and deal with the issues without losing it, your doing great 👍🏻 its so draining emotionally/ mentally and physically xx