Long story short, me and my daughters father separated when she was a baby due to DV and him using drugs. but we were both homeless (but separately)for a while and my LO was taken into temporary foster care, I worked my BUTT off to get her back and 2.5 yrs later I have my own house, dog and a partner and most importantly my lo in permanently back in my care and has been for over a year now.
LO is in reception, we have a busy life. School am - 3pm, I work in these hours most days. My partner works lates apart from one day a week to allow me some shift flexibility. We then walk the dog and do errands, home for about 4 and chill for the evening for family time and meals etc. Sundays she sees grandparents.
shes only ever seen her father in contact centres and for a solid 6 months he rarely turned up without notice and would leave us disappointed on the doorstep of the centre. LO was always upset but she barely even asks about him now. He turned up for 4 -5 contacts in a row and Social decided, after he passed a parenting assessment, that contact is allowed outside the contact centre in the community and left it up to me to organise. Here’s my issues:
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when? Neither of our jobs will allow us a set day off a month as my partner has to work contracted days, and I’m on a limited schedule as it is due to doing the school run most days. Taking days off eats into our paid holiday that we will be using for the summer holidays and half terms. I tried to take extra days off last month, but it took a surprising chunk out of my paycheck, which I’m still trying to earn back.
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I’m terrified of him. Last time I was in the same room as him, let’s say I was under the impression I wasn’t coming out alive. To hand over my lo to him alone is impossible without me being insanely stressed and upset, trust me I’m trying not to be, but it’s hard. Obviously we haven’t been together for a kind time so I don’t know what he’s like now, but I can’t easily just forget it all…
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I have no one to facilitate with me. My partner facilitated one contact session in the community, in which all was civil and provided no issues. I fully intended to attend with my partner but I couldn’t face standing face to face with my ex and had to stand back to hide a panic attack while my partner handed over my LO. My LO still sees her paternal grandparents, but they have cut ties with their son entirely and won’t facilitate contact (I believe he stole things and was abusive to them, too) My partner is happy to facilitate, but just cannot get the time off work on the same days as me to be able to make this happen, we’ve tried for the past 2 weeks and it’s just not happening. My ex is getting more and more demanding and frustrated as I keep having to reschedule because finding the time that works with him is impossible.
apparently, although I’m not entirely sure, he’s homeless. So I, or someone I know, have to be there, out in the community, and supervise drop of and pick up. I can’t go to his or family’s house because his and my family want nothing to do with him.
im so stuck, I really don’t want to put myself in danger as I’m very concerned I will show my emotion towards my ex in front of my daughter, I tear up just thinking about standing in front of him.
does anyone have any suggestions? just feeling scared and confused on what to do, the final court date is later in the year and I need to sort out contact without the family centre. All is set ahead to discharge social services and have my life back, but I’m completely overwhelmed.
obviously I want my daughter to have her father in her life, I’m just struggling to figure out how.