Reposting from the teenagers board in hope of a better response!
Hello. I have two DS, one 17 and one 14. Both DS are bright and very sporty but the similarities end there and therein lies the problem! Older DS works hard and is the type of child that teachers love. He's very outgoing and generally tries his best both in and out of school. My younger DS is equally bright and sporty, but rarely tries his best at all. His school reports are always of the 'must try harder' type. He spends a lot of lessons messing around, gets into quite a bit of trouble and pretty much does not try his best at very much. He adores his older brother and is jealous of him in equal measure!
Whilst his laissez faire attitude itself is not necessarily an issue - he's young for his year and I am hoping it might just be immaturity - the comparisons that get made between him and his older brother are problematic. They do go to different senior schools which I was hoping would help, but it seems not to be helping very much. He feels like the lesser person, which is awful and I feel partly responsible. He often feels got at by me; I have tried to take this on board and find things to praise him for but the facts are that he absolutely does not try his best at much, is frequently badly behaved at home and at school and is quite difficult to get along with unless he is getting his own way. He will not countenance any constructive criticism of how behaving in a different way might help him, however gently given.
I love him so much and so want him to be happy in himself but am at a loss of how to help him to be so when he continually demonstrates such a defiant, sulky and lazy attitude to so many aspects of his life. Any advice gratefully received!