3.5 year old refuses to use potty

[ElsaLion]

I'm worried about my 3.5 year old DS, because he refuses to pop on the potty (although he is fairly consistent with urinating).

We have started putting just trousers/shorts on during the day, with no nappies. He's had a few accidents but we are hoping he will eventually learn to use the potty instead of crouching down/doing it in his trousers.

I would really appreciate some advice from anyone else who's had the same issues with their child of a similar age!

3.5 is quite old to be using a potty. They’re so small and low, is he uncomfortable? You might find he does better on the toilet.

This! “Big boys use the toilet!” You could get a trainer seat for him. Also, don’t make a big deal out of it.

Will he use a toilet? My DD used a potty once I think. After that, she just wanted to do what we did and use the toilet.

He likes alternate, sometimes he'll ask to use the toilet, but often he prefers to use the potty (though he is quite tall for his age). At nursery he uses height adjusted toilets for his age group.

Does he have a training seat on your big toilet? And a step for his feet?

I agree with other posters. Potties are designed for younger toddlers and I can't imagine it's comfy for him, especially if he's big for his age.
Get a decent toddler seat for the loo (or one of those 'family' ones where a smaller seat pops out of the lid for kiddies) and a secure step.

This all sounds very passive-what are you actually doing to teach him how to use the potty/toilet?

My little girl is 3.5 and we toilet trained over the summer. She wouldn't poo on the potty or toilet for ages, it was frustrating but the HV recommended sitting her on the potty or toilet and giving her that poo goes home to pooland (or whatever it's called!) video to watch on an iPad. I don't know why/how but it worked, within a week of trying that daily she decided to do her poos on the potty initially and then a few weeks later on the toilet.

Best of luck!

What worked for us was picking a special treat from the shop (chocolate ice creams, this was very high value for my kid) and putting them in the freezer whilst explaining that if they did a poo on the potty they'd get one. It didn't work right away- for a week or so everytime we had a poo accident we'd say, what a shame a poo in your pants- if you'd done that poo on the potty you'd have gotten one of the special chocolate ice creams.

Anyway our daughter came to us maybe ten days after we'd bought the ice creams proudly announcing she had pooed on the potty. And it was like a switch had switched and she finally 'got it'. We reduced the treats for a poo to something smaller once the 5 ice creams were gone and slowly phased treats for potty poos out altogether.

@Youcancallmeirrelevant Everything from explaining why he should poo on the toilet/potty to rewarding the times he does. Someone else mentioned a YouTube video, which I'll show him.

I appreciate previous advice that a toilet seat and steps would be better, I'll look into buying them.

Thank you for this recommendation, it sounds really good and something that would appeal to DS. We started toilet training about six months ago but he's always been very reluctant to do a poo on the potty.

Thank you @Barleysugar86 we did the same for DS but he doesn't seem to respond to encouragement and promises of treats. We have to carry him to the toilet whenever we find him crouching somewhere and he gets very upset.

Definitely he should be on big toilet, I’d bin the potty because he’s too big and because really they’re only for the early training can’t hold a wee for even the 1 minute it takes to run to the loo stage.

Also are there any signs? Regular timing, hiding and squatting etc - watch him like a hawk over the next few days and try and time it onto the toilet. This will break the habit of doing it in pants. There’s also a reflex about 30 minutes after eating so try that if you don’t know where to start with other signs. Get him to sit for 15 minutes, read a book or even watch something on your phone- whatever it takes to make him sit. When you eventually get one on the loo then lots of praise and give him a reward, whatever you think will work to motivate him.

He's too told for a potty, he needs to go on a toilet with an appropriate child seat.

Thank you this is really great advice. He's our first child (and there are no other children in in our family) so it's been quite a learning curve for me and his Dad too.

I've ordered this, which will hopefully help.

Stool and fold up toilet seat so you can take it out with you.

My daughter actively refused to use the toilet/potty for poos. For her she regressed and when she actively got up from the potty to poo in her knickers we introduced rewards. She previously hadn't engaged with rewards but we had some coloured pom poms in her craft box. We found a jar that just fitted 10 in. She got 1 for each poo on the potty. Small reward to 5 bigger reward for 10. It was very visual. We did 2 sets of 10 doing it every time by the 3rd set she lost interest. She's small and wasn't quite comfortable on the toilet even with a seat at first. After a few weeks we switched to the toilet and did the same pom pom for a poo on the toilet and for the first 3 or 4 days a pom pom for 3 wees on the toilet. Habit was in place by the second set of 10 and we dropped it.