Clothes sensitivity

[Mamabear04]

Please can someone help me with how to deal with a 5 year old's clothes sensitivity without going mad? Things she complains about are socks - I've tried everything and bought copious amount of various socks and different sizes but she always complains and gets upset. She hates wearing jumpers, jackets etc. I've wasted so much money on trainers because they are all of a sudden uncomfortable, the heel slips, the insoles make it too tight, I don't tighten them enough. She gets herself so flustered and struggles to calm down. I try to keep calm but on the inside I feel I'm going to burst. No SEN that we know about. Can someone tell me how to survive this without getting angry?

My son went through this for a while and it is frustrating but they can't help it.

I bought stuff from polaryn o pyret which went down well.

Fleecey soft trousers from next.

Are the socks too tight or rough?

Also we found distraction worked well. So put something on TV whilst she's getting dressed so she isn't thinking about it so much

If my son complained my husband would rub my son's feet or legs and say "fix fix fix" and then immediately go outside or whatever so ds didn't really have time to contemplate if things felt ok or not.

He's not so bad now thank god. But yeh it's hell

She says she socks are too tight, trainers aren't tight enough and complains she is too hot to wear a jumper etc but even when it's freezing outside and not appropriate to take layers off...

I'll try the fix fix fix thing, that sounds very sweet. TV doesn't distract my little one when she's uncomfortable unfortunately!

It really helps to work out exactly the issues, otherwise it can drive you insane. I really struggled with DS1 and his jacket refusal until he could articulate that he didn't like how the stiff cuffs rubbed against his hands, once we knew about that we could tackle it. He also doesn't like jumpers by his neck, so we have v necks or fleece ones with a zip.

Is she sensitive about other things? Could be an indicator of sensory processing difficulties which often go hand in hand with NDivergence.

Try really soft bamboo socks or seamless ones. One of mine tolerates the very cushioned ones from m and s. Some before putting them on might help.

Coats can feel quite restrictive look for something warm but comfy and stretchy, maybe a gilet instead.

Some massage!

Agree with bamboo / seamless socks. Barefoot shoes are worth a try. Does she pick out her own clothes? It might be that she will wear them if she can choose things. Have a look at sensory or easy dressing clothes too. Stretchy, no labels etc are all easier to buy these days.

No SEN that we know about.

How do you know this?

I’d look up some online clothing for children with autism to see if you can find more comfortable clothing for her and see what it is with the clothes that she struggles with and whether what she is really struggling with is the anxiety of going somewhere or doing something (or you being stressed) and it shows in having less tolerance for clothing.

I think the sensitivity to clothes is definitely the manifestation of her anxiety. She can't cope with her trainers in the morning ans cries all the way to school but then when I pick her up she is happy and will say things like "my trainers became comfortable in the afternoon and now I like them."

I say no SEN that we know of because she is only 4 years old and HV/nursery/school haven't flagged anything. They say her behaviour is normal for her age. I do wonder if there is something else going on because she is very sensitive and emotional (more than what I would consider average) but every time I mention it to a professional, they don't seem concerned. So I can only say "no sen that we know of."

How is she with her trainers on the weekend, say going out to a familiar park – something she wants to do, but is very familiar, so hopefully minimum anxiety?

For the jumper/jacket issue, you could see if she's okay wearing a baselayer under her clothes, so she stays warmer without needing anything thick. Trying a few gilets is also a good shout – you can sometimes get fleece ones if the bulk of a puffy one bothers her.

My dc is also sensitive about clothing. Shoes always feel too loose so I make sure I buy shoes that have velcro that can be tightened or loosened easily. Doesn’t like to wear jumpers inside jackets so I make sure I get a soft jacket and then just have a couple of thin layers under it. I used to get v frustrated but have now worked out what they will wear and just stick to that eg I just buy the same jacket in a bigger size. I’m always ordering and returning stuff too, and have a bunch of unworn shoes in the cupboard! There’s not much you can do about it but I did find that trying to “solve” the problem together worked much better than me telling them to had to wear it and that it wasn’t a problem.

I think, and please note I have no qualifications on this but this sort of thing can be nothing to do with the clothes and if you start bending over backwards to try and fix everything it sort of legitimates their anxiety.

My son has been very like this at times and although I take some consideration like bringing him to choose his own coat and shoes I didn't fuss too much about it because ultimately he felt worried about going to school and he couldn't recognise what he was feeling.

Tbh my son was always horrific wearing jumpers so we just took one with us and he would always end up putting it on willingly once he felt cold! He's much better now. I don't agree with the pp saying it "legitimises anxiety" by trying different clothes types out. That right there is someone who isn't bothered by clothes. I definitely do feel agitated wearing certain materials so I avoid it. So why wouldn't I help my child who feels similar? It's not bending over backwards, it's making sure your child is comfortable and not miserable

Bring the layers, don’t make her wear unless she wants them. Let her regulate her own temperature.

she isn’t old enough to understand the consequence of a choice now and being cold later, hence toting the layers with you.

you need seemless socks, tagless clothing, and to avoid anything with a stiff waistband. If it isn’t soft cotton with as few seams as absolutely possible, don’t buy it. No buttons, no zippers.

also start paying attention to her preferences for color and style. They may be very rigid. Mine would not wear any clothing with a word or graphic of any kind at that age.

Oh, and take time to go scream and cry in private. It is incredibly frustrating.

Socks are better worn inside out so the seams don't rub directly on the toes.