School - anxiety! (Me, not her!)

[MilkyStars24]

DD has just gone into year 1 & honestly the anxiety around whether he’s learning/has strong friendships is getting the better of me at the moment!

Shes below on phonics (I put in lots of effort over summer and she has moved up a reading band already!) but where she should be on everything else. I don’t think the school did enough to help here but that’s another topic.

Having spoken to her today it sounds as though since being in year 1 they’re sat on table based on ability - and so because her reading was slightly under she’s sat on the ‘lowest’ table all of the time for lack of a better word. Should I worry about this?

to add to the anxiety her long term best friend has become much friendlier with another girl over summer and now won’t play with her at lunch which makes me feel so sad for them (they went to nursery together and I was quite friendly with her mum)

she does dance and swimming clubs wise but only just started as every time we tried her when she was younger she just wouldn’t take part.

and now I feel this other mum is very competitive/judgemental and ahh it’s causing stress

DH said I need to just let it go (friend wise fine she’ll make other friends)

But I feel like we could do more to help her progress at school? We read every night - what else can we do extra curricular or at home just to help?

any recommendations for books/work books or anything?

I agree with your DH, you just need to let it go. Between now and when she leaves school she will probably change friendship groups at least a couple of times. It's all very normal.

Ignore the competitive Mum too. It does not matter one iota what other DC are doing. What matters is that your DD enjoys going to school and gets rewarded for her effort.

As for what you can do at home. Make sure she has some time to relax and play. Sign her up to the library if you haven't already and let her choose some books, read to her every night and try some board games. Orchard Games do some fun educational games and you can sometimes put them up in Charity Shops

Who is the other mum? The mother of the child your girl was friends with?
Why do you feel the mum is competitive & judgemental, what has she done to make you feel this way?

Don't compare your daughter to anyone else, all children are different, they have their own strengths & weaknesses.
Kids pick their own friends, yes it can be brutal but your daughter will pick up your anxiety.
Let your child pick her own friends & if her old friend has found a new friend that's fine too. That's life unfortunately unless they are deliberately excluding your child & being nasty, that's different. It's perfectly normal for children's friendships to change throughout the course of primary, encourage your child to make lots of friends outside school.

@Candowontdo theres been a few instances where she has been quite openly judgey around decisions we’ve made, some financial related like having to move her to a cheaper nursery and acting like I was awful for doing it (we couldn’t afford to leave her in the more expensive one). Just one example but there’s been a few. Yes the mum of the other girl. It made me feel guilty for ages (she’d say things like oooh but X nursery is so much better!).

she talks a lot about what her DD is doing and how forward she is, etc etc. Subtle digs mostly - maybe not intended to come across that way as she’s otherwise lovely but you can tell she thinks I’m not parenting as well as her.

but you’re right I shouldn’t compare and need to stop worrying. My DDs confidence has come on miles in recent months and so I’ll keep working with her to build that and the rest will hopefully follow

Every family is different & you shouldn't have to explain why you moved your child. Your finances are your own business & no one else's.
Focus on your own child, avoid the other mother if she makes you feel uncomfortable & never compare your situation to anyone elses

Talk to the teacher and ask them how your daughter is settling in and if there is anything you can do to help. In the mean time get your daughter to read every evening and also read to her, model readind, have books by your bedside and talk about the books you use. Visit lots of places, reading is about inference so the more general knowledge the better, a cafe, post office, museums, swimming pools, go in a bus, go to a library, any where and every where.

Play orchard games together, junk modeling, baking, crafts, go the park and generally have fun. Talk lots of don’t dumb down your language. If you use a word you think she won’t understand explain it to her.

As for friends if she mentions someone a few times ask her if she would like to invite them round for a playdate.