WhatsApp group - 10 year old

[calibansdream]

DS got a mobile phone to walk to and from school. I made the big mistake against my gut instinct for him to join a year 6 WhatsApp group. Today I have looked through his phone as he was getting touchy about me knowing his password. One girl has got his number from the class group and messaged him a thread of a conversation between her and another girl - the world 'bitch' came about. She was trying to show him how the other girl is being mean to her. The. Opened up the year WhatsApp group and there is alot of 'banter' of 'I hate you' which some girls are saying to boys and vice versa. What do I do? Tell school? Ban WhatsApp? Or just ban the year 6 group? Or take the whole damn phone?? One week of having a phone and it's already come to this.

I havent got much to advise OP as mine are younger, but I've been listening to Jonathan Haidt recently and he says we should aim for no smartphones until 14 or 16 (I can't remember which!). he advocates for a brick/flip phone if they need one for contacting you. obviously that is an ideal and not realistic for everyone, but it's interesting nonetheless and might help you to find a compromise that you're happy with.

Thank you. I should have trusted my instinct that 10 is too early. I fully agree and I remember a police talk we had at school last year when the policeman said WhatsApp is the worst app for bullying, worse than any other social media app.

I’d say take the phone and replace it with a dumb phone- not as a punishment but as an admission that it’s not the best tool for someone his age. And well done for insisting on knowing the password and checking what’s going on.

Definitely take what's app off but I wouldn't phrase it as 'banning it' unless you can see he himself has done anything wrong. It will come across as a punishment.
I would go for something like 'I made a mistake in putting what's app on there, it's not meant to be used by children under x (14 or whatever you choose), and I would like to stick to that rule'. Then have a conversation about what you saw that you didn't like.

Personally I would take a smart phone away and go for a basic phone if possible but if not then definitely no what's app

Your son and any child that age is too young for a smartphone and whatsapp. Even whatsapp’s legal guidelines are that children under 13 shouldn’t use it. Please get him a brick phone.

My son is 11 and not long had a phone. I haven’t let him have WhatsApp on it as I’ve said he’s too young for it. He can text individual friends but no big group chats like that. So I’d remove WhatsApp. Apparently my son’s old year 6 class WhatsApp was and probably still is ridiculous! Thousands of messages constantly, falling out etc.

This all sounds very familiar. My son got tired of it and left them all of his own accord.I feel really sorry for teachers who have to deal with all of this, as the arguments and discord inevitably seeps into school. At that age they are just mature enough to deal with it all.

Should say not mature enough! I think it's fine to be the parent who says no to these things. You will thank yourself later.

I was speaking to some colleagues with teenagers and they unanimously said the one thing they would not do is give their child a smart phone. Very damaging and they are all addicted.

To add its thier biggest regret giving thier children phones

Parents never Learn do they

10 years old what did you think would happen 🙄

This is what happens when children are given adult toys...

Take the phone off him.

He doesn't even need a phone to walk to school. He's either old enough and sensible enough....or he isn't.

Yeah I never had a phone walking to school

If ANYTHING, I’d make sure he couldn’t access WhatsApp (or Snapchat)

it only gets far worse with age.

My daughters iPhone is locked so only her best friend and family can contact her: it only takes one person to share your kids number and they can be subjected to some god awful things . I found out the hard way and had to involve the police 😖

Thanks for all your feedback. I have removed it. I explained I am not punishing him as he did not respond but just about not being exposed to what's on it. I gave in to WhatsApp primarily because he has cousins here and abroad and are all very close and he is the last of the cousins who received a phone. Over the last few days they were sending the odd nice message to one another, just things like 'how are you?' And 'what did you do today?' so I thought it was a really nice way to keep in touch with their family. I just know they can't keep the app without being exposed to being invited to these groups.

Bin the phone and get an Xplora watch from Amazon.

You can track the kids and call them. Only numbers registered between your phone and watch can communicate.

WhatsApp has only recently lowered the age limit from 16+ to 13+. It has never (and never will be) 10+.

You can create a group for him and his cousins on your phone that he can then dip in and out of and monitor.

And no way should he ever be allowed to “get cross” that you monitor his phone. Because it’s your phone, you pay for it, you’re the adult, you’re in charge.