please tell me this is just a phase

[hadeha]

my dd is 3 next week; she's loads of fun, has loads of character and energy and is generally reasonably well behaved. however, she does bacome a bit... well defiant is the only word i can think of when she's tired. i don't mind this we manage it and it passes but sometimes she is a proper little monkey at bed time. she mucks about, gets in and out of bed, needs a wee but then doesn't go, wants me to sit in her room, screams when i leave, loses the ability to listen at all, and other avoidance of sleep tactics. she then ends up in tears (generally because she's exhausted) and often i am very close to it. i can deal with her being a monkey all day but really hate when she does it at night as i can't bear her getting so upset with herself (and me) before she goes to sleep. it's not just distressing it's also exhausting and bedtime, which is normally 7pm gets later and later.

please tell me this is just a phase.

It sounds like delaying tactics to me. and it will pass.

In the meantime, do you have a nice relaxing bedtime routine? ie TV switched off a good hour beforehand, nice relaxing bath and a story, with her tucked up in bed as you read? After that, just a good night kiss and cuddle, light off and leave her be.

I think they like to push the boundaries at this age. Be firm and consistent with her and she should soon get the idea that playing up isn't going to work.

agree with daisy, they also seem to like to start asserting their own personalities around that age too

do you have a bedtime routine that you stick to? its been a godsend for us as dh and I work shifts so at least if that is constant she knows whats what

yes routine is pretty much as you descibe, tea between 5 and 5.30 bath, little play, story/chat in bed, lights off and leave...and that's when it kicks off "mummmmmmmy...."

light nights don't help and she is worse when she sleeps during the day but she only does that if we're in the car, so if anyone has any suggestions for stopping her nodding off in the car, i'm listening?

it sounds like she is just trying to be the boss and it will pass.

(my DD is 12 and I'm still waiting for it to pass )

darling it's ALL just a phase!

bedtime routine has been like that since day dot, the "mummmmmmmmy..." bit only started in the last few months. feel like crap mummy, esp when we both end up upset about it

lol MrsWeasley...ditto here with DS, nearly 6

but no, honestly, it'll get better.

Just let her know it's not on, and be firm and consistent, and above all stay calm. If she sees you getting wound up it becomes a bit of a game. You'll probably find that she naps in the day cos she isn't getting the sleep at night. I remember DS went through a phase at this age of napping and not going down at night, but if he didn't have the nap he was blooming unbearable from about 3 o'clock onwards.

not sure how you can stop her napping in the car. DS still does this sometimes.

is she maybe over tired? she's quite young not to need a small nap during the day?

I mourned the loss of the afternoon nap

the hv once suggested bringing dd downstairs for her story and drink of milk and then going back upstairs for bed

what about the supernanny technique?

here

thanks for your replies
am feeling better this morning. dd back to being a little dream

i think i just needed reassurance that it will pass. it doesn't happen every night, at the minute probably 3-5 times a week which is more than enough. i guess it's in line with the age for tantrums and asserting herself. bed time is consistent. i don't think she's over tired despite her being young not to have a nap during the day (yes i was gutted when they stopped), however it is obviourly a bit of a cycle in that it gets to be a late night, so loss of sleep and then either needing a nap or past herself at bed time.

anyway thanks again, it seems we will just have to carry on and hope she gives it up soon

glad you had a better night and she is being good for you today - they always KNOW just how to throw a curve ball don't they - mine mostly when dh on a late shift so he thinks I am over reacting!!

ha ha dizzy that's true enough. dh thinks i am over reacting completely, but she did it to him the other night and he was not impressed!! i resisted the urge to say i told you so and stick my tongue out

A health Visitor (a good one) once suggested the bed time routine to me when I was having problems when DD2 came along, but to make sure any activity DD1 did was given by me, ie lets do this jigsaw, can you colour this picture and to make them very low key.

After thinking this wouldn't make any difference the problems disappeared.

Now DD1 is fine and a dream sleeper/bedtime girl.

Am so glad to hear everything passes, as dd2 (20 mths) is an utter mare at bedtime at the mo. She is fine til I go to leave the room, then she screams for me as if I am abandoning her. It's horrible. I have to stand in the doorway and inch out. I give her a book too, which sometiems stops the screaming. She also will not nap now, and only sleeps in the day when in pushchair or car, but the bhvr doesn't seem to vary depending on whether she has napped or not, she does it every day

I also found story tapes helped as well - although DD2 can't abide them.

Unfortunatley not everything passes DD1 still wakes at some ungodly hour of the morning (she's 8 now) but at least she can entertain herself until I can manage to surface. DH says he will get his own back when she's 18.