He's threatening Social Services. Any advice welcome

[Sunsparkles]

Hi, my exH is threatening Social Services. I have absolutely no concerns about my parenting and actually think this is a threat that he won't follow through on. That said, as much as I would like to believe that Social Services would come in impartially and curiously, I would be foolish if I wasn't slightly concerned that this could indeed all go horribly wrong. There are many horror stories of times where social services involvement is unhelpful at best.

Has anyone got any experience of what happens following an initial concern being raised. I'm looking for actual experience as opposed to what I can read on the formal info online please.

Thanks

Assume you're in the UK? In most local authorities, initial concerns will be passed to a referral team who will decide if they meet threshold for them to explore. Some are rejected at that point. Majority will be accepted by that team and explored in a very limited time frame (24-72 hours depending on area) via discussions with parents and gathering information from other involved professionals (with parents consent). Next steps would then be based on the outcome of that information gathering.

Thank you, that's really helpful, and yes in UK.

What is he threatening to tell SS?

It depends on what he is threatening to tell them.

If he's saying you drink too much or take drugs then you offer alcohol and drugs testing and explain that this is a malicious allegation that may amount to post-separation abuse by him.

If he says you're hitting the children then they will speak to the child and presumably find that you aren't, and again you can explain it's a malicious allegation that may amount to post-separation abuse.

If you have a fundamental difference on how you parent your child to the extent that he thinks it is damaging it may be more complicated. For example you want to withdraw your child and home school, or allow your child to go to age 14 - 25 Furries events, or you are convinced your child has a medical condition and he is equally convinced that the child does not and he is alleging FII.

If his accusations are baseless they will have to check but would end up being concerned about his ability to parent not yours.

They will do some basic checks, contacting school, home visit to you possibly, but as soon as they see that things are fine they will almost certainly take no further action. SS are so so busy, it is very unfortunate that your ex is wasting their time. Let them know as soon as they contact you that he is making these allegations just to cause problems.

My ex reported me to SS claiming that I was a heavy drinker.

They rang me unexpectedly and informed me of the allegation, I strongly denied it and explained it was a malicious allegation and what had been going on with ex. They told me they wouldn't take it any further this time, but if he made another allegation they would have to investigate it further. Never heard from them again.

The did inform my children's school, but they never said much to me either other than they were aware the report had been made and ask if I needed support with anything.

I had an out of the blue phone call from SS once (ex is an a**hole) i simply said that all allegations were not true that it was just ex trying to interfere in my life anyway he can, they were fine and never heard from them again, close family friend is head of SS in my area so i knew i had nothing to worry about even if they decided to take it further, said family friend has said on many occasions my kids are very well looked after lol xx

It's just a threat. Tell him to go ahead. Honestly if you're confident in your parenting you'll have nothing to worry about

I reported my neighbour, she's very verbally abusive to her two additional needs children.

I WFH so I see the comings and goings of people in the street as far as I could tell a couple of people came round with a clipboard, left a hour later and then they seemed to get some extra nursery hours to give them some support, although it didn't actually change the fact she shouted and swore at them all the time.

I expect you'll get a initial phone call, they may talk to the children, they will tell the school but that's a non-issue. Schools get many social-services alerts on various children everyweek.

Did you ever hear from them @Sunsparkles?

I had this done to me maliciously, and I had them in and told them about the dv we'd escaped and I asked them if they could help me deal with the abusive ex. Not everything was plain sailing for various reasons but that one really backfired on him. A friend who hadn't then deleted him from social media told me he was leaving scathing pigs about SS. I said, well, if an abuser will ring them maliciously in the first place...

It's really common for calls to come from an ex husband/ ex dp

Wtf

Why do you think a social worker would be interested? We genuinely don't just go and visit every nonsense referral

What is he threatening to say to them or tell them? That's the only way we can advise you. If he's threatening to say that you hit them or that you've moved a paedophile into the house or that you're a drug addict and if any of these are true then you should make some changes.
If your children are safe then don't worry too much at all but DO think about what he might accuse you of and keep records eg

• take a photo of the child before they're handed over (so he can't say they were handed over dirty or with bruises)
• keep records of any visible injury and scratch and what happened.
• be wary of telling him if you're too overwhelmed or stressed as this could paint you as hysterical or unfit.

You also need to think about why he's making these threats. Is it so that he gets the kids to live with him? You could tell him you're happpy to engage in mediation.

Also know that false accusations (eg of neglect or abuse) are often confessions so use that to gather info about him to ensure your kids are safe with him.

If the threats continue you and are stressing you out you might want to talk with a domestic abuse advisor, or at least the safeguarding link at school
Or nursery, so that there is a record of you seeking help with this behaviour.