How do I make things easier?

[Showbel]

I'm currently on mat leave with my beautiful daughter who has just turned 11 weeks.
I'm struggling to get into a routine/structure in my day and need some help.
My daughter is awake all day, doesn't nap unless after a feed and that's only 10-15 mins maximum.
Also does she need constant attention. I'm finding it really difficult. I go to make myself some lunch and put her down in her cot and she screams. I find it difficult entertaining her. I talk to her, sing rhymes, read to her and she plays on her activity gym/mat but I still don't feel I'm doing enough?
I go to a baby group once a week, she goes to a baby swimming session every Saturday morning.
I feel like days go by so quickly but I don't get much done. Family aren't close by so can't ask them to pop round to keep us company.
I've spoken to gp about my mood. I just need some ideas no matter how small, to make sure I look after her and myself but also have structure in our day. Thank you for any advice

I feel like days go by so quickly but I don't get much done.

You'd be surprised how much you are getting done. This stage the house can be a mess you are needed by your little one And that's a lot.

You’re doing a great job OP, I promise.

Can you wrap up and go for long walks in the pram in the morning? Some fresh air might make all the difference and she might start to nap.

Are there any afternoon clubs in the area? So you could go out for a walk in the morning (ideally a route with a nice cafe so you can treat yourself to a coffee or cake?), home for lunch and then maybe a group once or twice a week?

It is absolutely ok to have days where nothing gets done though, you’re finding your feet and being a mum is hard!

It won’t be like this forever, once they get to 4-5 months you’ll have more structure and by 6 months it will be structured by weaning. At the moment I would just look at survival and getting through the day with a shower cuppa etc

Some (most?) newborn babies won't accept being put down. They dont feel safe unless they can see and feel you. Both of mine still wanted to be held pretty constantly at that age. I would recommend getting a sling and leaning in to contact naps. If you use a sling about the house you can still get stuff done around the house or make your lunch whilst the baby naps. She's likely to sleep longer in the sling.

You don't need to do anything with her other than cuddles and narrate what you are doing whilst she's with you. Slings can be great for getting jobs done around the house hands free. Humans have baby's too early so we can walk upright and have our big ol' brain, so as far as she knows she's still attached to you which is why she gets upset when you put her down.

Each stage doesn't last forever although the days seem long. It doesn't sound like she's getting enough sleep in the day though, you might have to go for some long walks yo get her to drift off.

Thanks all for responses so far
@Singleandproud she has so little sleep during the day but sleeps for 8-9 hours overnight. I wake her to change nappy and feed (she doesn't always wake for a feed though) I will try and get her to nap more. I think I made a mistake because as soon as she fell asleep on me I tried putting her down in cot so I could get some things done but she screams. I will definitely look into getting a sling.

Even with 9-10 hours at night she should be sleeping 4-5 hours in the day. Have you read up on sleep cues? She should ideally be going down for her first nap around an hour and a half to two hours after she wakes for the day, I found a really good link about it all when I was struggling to get my daughter to nap I’ll try and find it x

I can’t find the one I used but this is similar! She went from overtired and not napping to good chunks of nap time quite quickly which meant we had more of a “schedule” and I could get things done or just have a sit down and a cuppa x

I was always told not to let them fall asleep on you because then when you put in cot and the wake up they think ‘shit how did I get here?!’ And then can’t self settle.

can you put her down in bouncy chair or a Moses backer downstairs so she can watch you in the kitchen etc after a feed, but awake so she can fall asleep hopefully for slightly longer.

Ah just let them sleep on you. Unless there's something urgent it can wait

@Flossyts cracking up at the mental image of a baby thinking 'shit how did I end up here' 😂😂😂

I agree with pp's, a sling or baby carrier makes life so much easier! I'd go for long walks, do the washing up etc with DC strapped to me. And go easy on yourself. I know parenthood isn't supposed to be a competition but I found myself constantly comparing myself to 'better' parents in those days and my mental health really suffered! You had a baby, you're smashing it ❤️

But then they don’t eat or sleep properly 🤷‍♀️ And you can’t enjoy their nap or do anything useful. And they sleep shitty at night.

I used the routine of feeding them when they woke up. Playing with them, putting them down for a nap when they weren’t overtired or hungry. Then they’d wake up for a feed- repeat. I did this following a book my SIL gave me knowing she had excellent sleepers. I had 3 great sleepers too.

For me, it was something I stuck to which worked. It made them sleep better and gave me a routine to follow. Falling asleep on me made no sense to me at all.

@Flossyts she has a swinging chair thing but she doesn't sleep in it
I will try and get her to nap more thank you for the link @DontBiteTheCat , she does nap on me after a feed but only for 15 mins or so. She's just wide awake all the time, but then when she does eventually get to sleep at night she is zonked and is difficult to wake for feeds

Di you definitely need to wake her for feeds? Is she on the low end for weight? Does she feed well during the day? Would she go behind 8/9 hours if you didn’t?

im not sure I’d bother at 11 weeks personally.

At that age my daughter was in my arms 23h a day (reflux and allergies so far from "normal") and only slept on me. It was fairly typical across my antenatal group. Between 3 and 5 months most of the babies started sleeping away from mum. At 11 weeks they are just starting to feel less newborn like but it can be still a little early for some babies to feel ok with distance from mum. At 4 months my daughter started sleeping in the pram and from 5 months she would have a 2h nap every afternoon if I went for a long walk

I would do a mix of contact naps and periodic try to test the waters with putting her down. By getting a good afternoon nap it was less crucial than she got other good naps and easier to ride out the storms of 7 minute naps because I tried and failed to get her from my arms! Pick a nap to prioritise for sleep.

Do whatever feels right for you, every day. Forget any pressure to conform to any 'type of mum'. And do exactly what you want to do.

If baby and you are fed by the end of each day then you are winning at parenting!!

I wish looking back now that I had sat on the sofa more with a big snuggly blanket and just held my son as a baby, whilst watching a box set with a cuppa next to me. I was obsessed with routine and properly timed feeds and nap schedules. (Gina Ford books) Whilst it did make him a good sleeper and eater I wish I had just chilled out and enjoyed it more. Snuggled more, rested more. It would have been better for my mental health back then. I found the first 8 months really bloody hard. After that, it just got easier and easier. Now it's a doddle and I love being a mum so so so so much. But my gosh months 1-7 were absolute hell.

I don't know if any of this this applies to you, but in a blink of an eye you will have a 9/10/11 year old and you will be worrying about the school bus and homework, getting teary at the baby photos thinking how has this gone so quickly?!

Lean into the contact naps/pram naps/car naps. Eventually you can try the cot, but don't worry if it takes a while. Mine only napped in the pram or on me for the first year, now happily naps in her cot and even let granny put her down for a nap the other day! I won't tell you how quick it goes because I remember how annoying that felt when it seemed to be going slowly but I will say don't worry at all about making a rod for your own back - you won't! Babies are adaptable. Look up second star to the right and hey sleepy baby on Instagram for realistic baby sleep advice. Other than that, you don't need much entertainment at this age, make the most of doing things for you, coffee shops you like etc. Rhyme time at the library is free and a good way to meet other new mums.

If I were you my routine would be something like
Get up, washed and dressed
Make my breakfast, lunch and stick stuff in the slow cooker whilst another adult was there or the night before.
Stick a wash on
Make a station for you with everything you need wherever you are likely to feed DD and rest whether that's in the living room or bedroom I'd have a drink, snacks, book, charged iPad, TV control whatever would be handy if I was going to be there a while.

Then go about your day but when you feed her go to your station and if she falls asleep on you so be it. I used to feed laying down and would read my book outloud to DD and eventually go to sleep myself.

Don't forget that you are mending and recovering from birth as well and whilst it's useful to get jobs done catching up on sleep is important for your MH and physical recovery.

Keep the house ticking over but if chores slip a little that's fine, they'll still be there when DD is older.

Thank you so much for the tips all
@Singleandproud I've been setting myself up a station and it sounds so obvious but I didn't think to do it, but it's really helped and means I can at least stay hydrated etc. While I'm feeding.

I'm still really struggling with getting her to sleep during the day. She's only managed 30 mins so far today and it's now 5.30pm! And these are naps after she's breastfed, she falls asleep towards the end of a feed then sleeps on me so i just leave her in this position. This isn't normal surely? She will sleep at about 8pm-5am, I wake her for her last feed at 10pm. I'm expecting a sleep regression as she's now 14 weeks. But she won't nap during the day at all! She just cries and cries and won't drift off on her own. I'm finding it really difficult.

Hi! I just read your post and wanted to check in and see if things are getting any easier :)

When I first had my son it felt like a hurricane swept through my life! I couldn’t even comprehend the world of change that was taking place. I love him dearly but it didn’t mean that the days were any easier. I know everyone says it but I promise it does get so much better! So many people told us to wait for the 3-4 month mark and we’d feel a difference. Didn’t believe them but one day we woke up and said hmm something feels better and different and we realized we were over 3 months in!

I 100% second everything that @icantwaitforsummer said! It’s so true! All
you need to do is focus on making it through the day :)

Having a daily routine helps so much! Also giving baby a bath before bed and starting a bedtime or nap routine for them from now really can make a difference. They’ll get used to the routine and as they get older recognize it as a sign it’s time to sleep.

Baby carriers and slings are life savers. Also helps to keep diaper bag ready to go before you need it, and if you have a car, keep everything prepped and in the car, refill it when you get home not before you go out so you can just go.

But really if you can, relax and enjoy it :) babies don’t need a lot the first few months, it’s simpler than you think! You’ve got this!