11 months old and no playgroups

[Mumtobe202310]

Hi All,

My LO is approaching 12 months and I have only been to a playgroup 2 times. I didn't like it both times at all.

However, I do feel guilty for him not getting out there much and not being able to see other children as much.

I want him to explore and have a good time, interact and socialise with others, regardless of they are children or not. My friends and family have been lovely and met up with us a lot and he loves them.

But I do went regularity in social imteraction/ exploration.

Are there any other ways I can ensure this for him without the playgroups?

How about joining a swimming class or similar activity-led session? Something where you and your son can have a little fun with others around and no need to do more than nod and smile to other parents to start with?

Ds1 I never took him to playgroups til he was about 13 months and he is fine.

Baby yoga, baby massage, tumble tots, NCT mum and baby groups, your local church will have groups.

Also the local library will probably have a story time session with no expectations.

Honestly babies of this age don't need to socialise with other babies / children, they just need positive engagement from their adult caregiver(s). You don't need to worry about any of this socialising business until at least 2 years +.

My advice would be to try as much as possible to read, sing, play and talk to your baby whilst or around doing whatever suits you. And worry less! Some of the most enriching activities for babies can be the most mundane / unplanned experiences eg going to the shop, running errands, going for a walk.

I didn't like baby sensory or any of that so I used to just take DD to rhyme time at the local library. And then when she was crawling and cruising I found out about a tumble time session run by a cheerleading group. There are definitely lots things out there if you look around - sometimes they're just not well advertised!

At this age with walking on the horizon it can be as little saying in Mondays we walk to the post office on Tuesdays we go to the library, on wednesdays we feed the ducks, on Thursday we find the park etc.
Those small activities with no serious purpose can take ages, especially once he is walking and stopping and picking up sticks and waving at the dustcart and the bus and random old ladies.

By making it a bit of a schedule it can give you a sense of direction and you might find you start seeing the same faces on the same days which can be nice.

Whilst they don't need socialising, I do think it's good for babies to become used to being in noisy environments such as baby classes, being around others etc. Are they going to nursery or childminder soon anyway? Mine went to nursery at 11 months so I wanted to get her used to being with other people, and in a different environment.

I didn’t do any groups at this age. The children don’t really get much out of it. It’s really for you, and the parents who want adult interaction have mostly gone back to work now. The best person she can interact with is you. What do you want to do during the day? I did that and took my dc with me.

What is it that you didn't like about the playgroup? Did you go to the same one twice, or try different ones? Every playgroup or baby/toddler activity is going to have a different vibe. You get ones that are very structured around an activity, you're given instructions to follow, you do the activity. You get totally unstructured it's a group of mums in a church hall with some toys, biscuits and tea for 20p kind of thing. You may prefer one or the other or somewhere in between - where you do an activity for a bit and then it just turns into biscuits and chat at the end. The people who attend the groups will be different and some may be very chatty and social, others a bit more reserved. After all the only thing about you all is that you happened to have a child at about the same sort of time, you wouldn't expect to meet a dozen random strangers and instantly click or stumble across a new best friend - but you may well find people you gel with, if you try a few out.

I had a covid baby so didn't go to anything for the first two years of his life and he's the most sociable happy little 4 year old I know.

I don’t think play groups are necessary for socialisation at that age. It’s more about providing stimulation for the baby, exposing them to different environments, toys, etc.

As long as you take your baby out of the house and they get exposed to little different things here and there then it’s fine.

Mine didn't go to playgroups until age 2 and even then they were varied, some were a bit unfriendly but had a great train set, others more involving and nice cake, etc.

Just take them for what they are (when a bit older maybe) and don't necessarily expect either of you to make best mates there... but similarly don't be scared to make conversation with someone who is probably on their own planet through lack of sleep and not necessarily at their social "best"!

I do think it's important that they are exposed to other babies and children, not just adults – my covid baby was terrified of children when lockdown lifted, and although she's fine now, I'd much rather she hadn't had to go through that. And for children who naturally find getting the hang of social interactions and social communication harder, it seems like putting them at an extra disadvantage.

However, I don't think it matters how they get that exposure, whether they're regularly seeing cousins or your friends' small children, or at swimming/play parks/soft plays, or library rhyme times, or playgroups. Whatever suits you and suits baby.

Mine did playgroups twice a week at that age, but on other days we did other activities - swimming, gymnastics, museum and farm visits, riverside walks, galleries, libraries, playgrounds, tourist attractions, baby theatre, concerts, bring your baby comedy/quizz/walks/cinema. Lots of things are suitable for young toddlers. I always believed it was important to get out of the house and see people around, even without directly interacting with them.

i fail to see what is so horrendous about a church hall, £1 donation, toys, shite coffee and some biscuits that you can’t contemplate returning

it wasn’t exactly the highlight of my week either but they are so good and beneficial for this age group to get them used to a noisier environment and an appropriate level of free-flow play and independence

We must have been to the same groups :)

Thank you all for the reassurance, I really appreciate it. I don't think it's horrendous at all, I just found it uncomfortable at some points as the mums seemed to have more confidence than me when it came to interaction with their babies and I felt that I didn't know how to interact as well as them so I felt so out of place. It's more about me personally not liking it and feeling uncomfortable although the people were lovely so I'm definitely more inclined to go, just not yet when my confidence isn't all there. Thank you guys for the advice on where to go and what to do with my LO too, love the ideas.

Just take him to the park, they make friends easily at that age

I struggled a bit with playgroups - they were too unstructured, and I wasn’t confident enough to just go up to a group and start chatting. I found the more structured activity based groups like pp have suggested easier. Eventually I formed an informal “mothers’ group” with people from one, and we met weekly at the park or someone’s house with the kids until they started school.