Too empathetic yet angry

[1AngelicFruitCake]

I’ve got an 8 year old daughter. I’m currently awake as she woke me up asking for a drink. She said she needed one for a while in bed but didn’t want to wake us so tried her best to manage without it until she desperately needed a drink for her throat. She was then apologising profusely and worrying about me being awake and how she spoilt my sleep. To add, neither of us are nothing other than kind and loving if she wakes in the night, can come into our bed, cuddles etc.

Yet she has rages, usually at me, where she is so angry and seems to have big feelings that she struggles to control. If she’s upset or annoyed it can take her ages to get back to normal (husband is like this).

Ive long wondered if these extremes are normal? Family members have commented she can be like a 2 year old with her anger but like an adult with her empathy. Anyone have a similar child?

Not your question but couldn't your daughter go and get herself a drink instead of waking you? I mean, my 3yo probably wouldn't go downstairs and get himself a drink in the middle of the night but he could. Plastic cups, stool and tap all available. He gets himself a drink in the daytime and he has a bottle of water next to his bed at night.

She Usually has her water bottle in her room just in case. We have a lovely but old (creaky floorboards) house and she’d be scared to go downstairs in the middle of the night. Might have to invest in nightlights so she can. Thanks for the reply.

It's the worst when you're thirsty but can't do anything about it.
That being said, I'd have thought an 8yo could work out enough to have a few gulps of water from a running tap. Perhaps a cup or bottle of water next to her bed in future.

As for the rage thing... and the desperately trying to placate you, thinking you might be cross. It sounds like anxiety to me. Is she quite nervous/shy?

I don't think it's anything to worry about particularly. 8 is still quite little.

You could be describing my DD. She has anxiety and is Autistic. Anxiety can be expressed as rage and it sounds like she's an overthinker which is another sign of anxiety. If you think how she's feeling is having a significant impact on her life and you can afford it it could be worthwhile to see a psychologist who specialises in working with anxious children and does CBT. There are CBT techniques that can be really helpful in addressing anxiety.

I think you need to start setting very strong boundaries and explaining that her thoughts create her feelings and she alone is responsible for them. Her father needs to also be responsible for his feelings. It is also possible that she may have what used to be known as Asperger’s Syndrome. Might be worth looking into. If so, getting onto this sooner rather than later really helps with the emotional regulation and accountability.

Thanks all. With the drink, as I think I explained earlier, we live in an older house with multiple floors so going to the kitchen is a trek and she gets scared going down there in the middle of the night.

All points taken onboard, I do think I could be firmer with my husband and her but im
also aware she really struggles with her feelings. I have wondered about her having a need of some kind but she manages so well a lot it’s just extreme when she doesn’t.