Going to work/using childcare when I don't NEED to work

[Rorpethy]

Due to start a job that I'm really excited about in a Sen school (so term time only)

Dc1 and dc2 will get themselves to school/home and will only be alone for max half an hour.

Dc3 has just started reception and is absolutely knacked when he gets home. He's due to start breakfast club tomorrow to get used to it. When I start work, he will be in breakfast club for 30 mins and after school club for 30 mins.

Dc4 is 2.5 years old, suspected autistic, only says a few words. He is doing settling in sessions at nursery this week. When I start work he will be in 5 days a week for 7.5 hours a day.

If I needed to work, fair enough. But I don't. After child care, we will only be about £200 better off a month. I've been a sahm on and off for nearly 13 years and I'm so fed up and desperately want to work and get a bit of a life. But I feel selfish for not putting the kids first. We have zero family help so don't get any time away from the kids. The older two are fine, it's just the younger two I feel guilty about.

What would you do? Wait a few more years to get a job? I might not get the opportunity for this specific job again.

It sounds like you need to work to me. Working isn’t just about financial gain, it’s about improved mental health and other benefits too.

It doesn’t make you selfish. Of course it doesn’t.

Take the job. You will getting back in the job market, at to your pension pot and doing something for yourself. If it doesn’t work out you can leave. I say this as sahm.

You will learn plenty by working in a good special school that you can use to benefit your own children, especially your youngest. Taking the job will work out well for them.

I'd start back to work as soon as you can. What if your partner dies?

I don't need to work either, but I do. I've only got the two, and my mental health plummets as a SAHM for too long. It gets me a much needed break from the kids. The little bit of extra cash and pension pot is great bonus too. I can't wait until my youngest goes to school so I can start retraining and try to get something resembling a career going at the grand age of 40.

Personally I wouldn't work in this situation. Four DC, two of them still very young, one with additional needs. A job working with more children with additional needs. Zero time to catch up with yourself/the house. It sounds exhausting and stressful to me. For £200 a month? No. I'd be looking for a very quiet job, maybe 2/3 days a week. Build up gradually over the next few years. Get good life insurance and critical illness cover in case something happens to your husband. But I say that as someone who has been burnt out by the demands of working and raising DC, including one who is autistic. And you did say you're excited about the job, so if it's what you want and you can handle the busyness then I think you should go for it. It's definitely not selfish.

You do need to work, it's not just about money. And you are not disadvantaging your children by working, especially not your older ones, it's a positive thing for them to see their mum going out and doing stuff for herself. And £200 a month extra when you have 4 kids isn't a bad thing either.

Work isn’t just about the financial benefits. It’s also about your wellbeing and your enjoyment. When my first dc started nursery, we were only about £100 month better off. In about 5 years time, I’d doubled my salary and Dh was on about 4x what he had been making back then. But mostly it was an investment in my future and my mental health and was well worth it.

I wouldn't if I was you. You will have to manage housework, cooking, cleaning school admin etc where do you have time for yourself? Gym, meditation. Seems like you could do with taking a part time job or better off a charity job where you learn and only do a few hours per week. Have you thought about learning something new like a course?

Absolutely take the job.
Financially it may benefit you very little at present but long term the financial benefits will come in to their own.
More importantly you are doing something for you that will benefit your family. You have school hours, may well learn how to help your SEN child going forward and also feel like you are contributing outside the house, if all goes well and you enjoy it it is really a win win situation.
If you try and you find you either don't enjoy it or you feel it is having a detrimental affect on your DC's you and reevaluate then.
One thing I would say that yes you are taking on a new job but the DC's have 2 parents, your job is just as important as your DH's one so if things crop up ensure your DH does his share of sick day, doc/dentist apps. It is an equal division of responsibilities now

Needing to work isn’t just about cash. It’s about:

using your skills
boosting your self esteem
putting something back into society
setting your kids a good example
having an identity
having proper conversations
being independent

I could go on. Good luck with the job OP! Sounds brilliant

If you want to work then take the job. It's not the choice I'd make, but then I'm a sahm who has been looking forward to having all the dcs in school or nursery so I can go off and do fun things during the day, and I don't want to juggle a job on top of looking after 2 dcs let alone 4. But if it suits you and your family that's all that matters.

I'm in the same position. I work 3 days a week atm and it's in a profession that I have always wanted to go into.

Anyway... I've just returned and I can't wait to give up this job. I'm going to volunteer in a similar role one day a week instead and go to the gym/swimming.

You're doing the right thing. You need stimulation yourself and the children at the Sen school will benefit from your skills, whatever your job there is. You will be a great mum in the time you're with your kids as you will be recharged. They will also get to benefit from peer activities and games and toys at nursery and an after school club is a great chance to meet and play with children in diffenrt year groups.
You also need to build up a bit of pension for yourself - it's not just the cash each month now that is relevant.

This is a good point. If the job in the sen school becomes so stressful that you have no energy for your family then reconsider, but give it a go first