My partner wants his kids to move in with us an our daughter.

[SB10xo]

I am 23 (f) first time mum to a 1yr old girl. My partner 26 (m) has 2 previous children (7&5) from another relationship. Their mother took to another country years ago. My partner pays child maintenance and communicates with them consistently. However recently his ex found out about me and our one year old and she herself is pregnant in a new relationship but out of spite she has decided to send the 2 kids on a plane alone. Upon arriving my partner will have to take them or else they will be out into care which is out of the question. However I’m indecisive on the fact of should I stay and support him or we separate and I focus on myself and our daughter.
(Backstory: I had pretty bad ppd I’m only just adjusting and getting back to myself. We aren’t married but I am a SAHM. I am actively looking for jobs. Me and our daughter have a pretty set routine. We don’t have a stable home however he will be given one by social workers to raise his kids)

I feel he’s made the decision and feels he can continue to be a full time worker and stuff us all in a house for me to mother and take care of when this is absolutely not what I want. I had an abortion fairly recently because we weren’t ready for more children so I’m finding this incredibly hard.
Do I stay and support him or do I separate and focus on myself and my daughter.

Why have you made another thread on this? There are plenty of replies on the last one. You need a job, some financial and general independence.

People were quite misunderstood by some of the wording and I didn’t include some back ground details which help with the post so everyone can hear the full story. Also looking for more genuine opinions.

Edited as I thought you meant more genuine rather than more (volume) of genuine.
Anyway, all sounds awful. You've got your whole life ahead of you, it's for enjoying, not being utterly dependent on a boyfriend who wants to palm off his traumatised kids on someone who's an complete stranger to them. That would be really cruel of him.

It doesn’t change the fact you are unmarried, unemployed and unhappy. Being unemployed with no financial independence as well as unmarried means you need a job in order to make a decision about staying or leaving.

He doesn't have a choice. You've.
Tbh you can't be that surprised.
You knew of the children before you settled with him.

Only you can decide wether to stay or go.

It’s always a risk when your partner has children, that they could end up with you full time. I appreciate it’s too late for you to think about that, but it worth pointing out for anyone reading that’s thinking of dating someone with kids and hasn’t thought about this.

The sahp caring for the children bit is difficult. You don’t have to do that if you don’t want. But, in all likelihood that’s going to mean you need to get back into work or split and live separately. He can’t give up work when there’s only his wage coming in. Which means it would end up with a lot of care defaulting to you.

As you are not working I don’t expect he can give up work and look after all 3. Would that be an option? You find work he stays at home?

I’m not completely unhappy this situation is the cause of my unhappiness. I receive an income and an allowance weekly from him. He also pays child maintenance. These don’t change just because we aren’t together. Maybe the weekly allowance yes but it’s not anything I’d miss because I have an income.

Leave him. If you're questioning it just leave him. Your daughter is your priority, don't let anything get in the way of that.

Knowing him it’s not something he’d ever be okay with but even if we do split it’s a change he’d have to adjust to so I guesss

Thank you, I’m starting to think so too. It’s so hard because I love and want the best for him but I just know that life isn’t for me yet. I can’t do it.

Yes and this situation is going ahead- therefore you are unhappy. Receiving an income and allowance weekly means nothing if you split up tomorrow, then you have nothing. The ONLY thing he would have to pay you if you split is child maintenance and as he will then have 2 other kids 100% of the time the maintenance he will have to pay will be much lower.

Anything you receive from him, other than CMS, will stop tomorrow if you split up. He doesn’t have to pay you a single penny other than CMS.

And with another 2 mouths to feed, people to clothe etc, that allowance could disappear anyway.

You are completely dependent on a man who hasn’t even committed enough to marry you to give you any protection, so you could be homeless and with no money literally in an hour if he decided he was done with you. You need to get some independence if you want any chance of having a say in these decisions because right now he has you in a position where really you can’t refuse anything he asks because how do you leave? With no money, no income, no rights to the home…

👍🏽