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Parenting

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Step Parent Problems

6 replies

MUMWINGINGIT1985 · 10/09/2024 10:23

My child has always had a great relationship with her other parent (we separated when child was 2, child is now 13) always spent quality time together and had a genuinely lovely, fun relationship.
Other parent met someone else and everything seemed to be fine and rosey, never had any issues or concerns.
They recently married and EVERYTHING has changed !!!!!!

My child is rarely allowed to stay at her other parents house anymore (the family home where the child bought into as a newborn baby, the home before Step Parent came along).
Step Parent has trouble sleeping so needs the marital bed to herself - forcing the parent to sleep in the child's bed... meaning child has nowhere to sleep so is constantly being let down and having weeknight and weekend visits cancelled to suit.
Plans are made for child to stay over and then cancelled with little warning, leaving child feeling upset, rejected and pushed out. There have been weeks at a time when she hasn't seen the other parent - due to Step Parent needing to "rest". Step parent moved out for a few weeks and things went back to normal but my child, but as soon as step parent moves back... things change and my child is no longer allowed to visit (this has happened 3 times so far this year).

Child feels awkward and uncomfortable around the step parent because of this and doesn't want to be around them / doesn't feel secure or relaxed in their own childhood home anymore.

It is absolutely heart-breaking to witness and I am fed up with it. I don't want this hurt for my child, but I also don't want to cause arguments/awkwardness between me and the other parent - for my child's sake.

Have tried to talk to other parent but they defend their spouse and say they need to do what's best for them... forgetting about our child and their feelings.

Other parent denies / doesn't accept that this is causing issues for our child and believes all this behaviour is fine and normal.

I just don't know how to deal with the situation anymore. Child is at a very sensitive age.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/09/2024 10:40

The other parent is the one letting your child down. They’re agreeing to cancel plans and stopping your child from staying over. The step parent isn’t doing anything the parent isn’t allowing. Which is very sad to accept but it’s also the truth.

MUMWINGINGIT1985 · 10/09/2024 10:49

AnneLovesGilbert -

Agreed - I'm not putting all of the blame on to 1 person - I just needed a subject heading that was relevant to our situation.

How anyone could push their child out is just alien to me, especially with the history of their loving relationship. It's just utterly heart-breaking to witness.

I don't believe I have the rights to stop my child seeing other parent, but I need to understand how to protect her from this.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/09/2024 10:52

I completely agree, it’s awful and heartbreaking. I’m a step mum and a mum and I can’t imagine behaving like this to any of mine. But I don’t know what you can do. How old is your daughter?

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arethereanyleftatall · 10/09/2024 10:54

Oh this is heartbreaking for her. What a horror her father is behaving. He is going to have to come up with a solution for his daughter PDQ before he loses her. Your poor daughter.

Slightly different but my dd will not got to my exes house because she hates the GF (OW so not surprising). So her father has had to come up with something else. What he does is constantly take our DD on experiences/'mini breaks/holidays etc . He is financially able to do this, but it's really his only option.

LittleSeasideCottage · 10/09/2024 10:59

How old is she?

I think the only way to protect her is to just arrange day visits with the parent, so no sleepovers. That way she's not disappointed and you're managing her expectations.

It must be heartbreaking but I think the only way to help is to try to limit the opportunities for him to let her down.

Cynic17 · 13/01/2025 20:04

Posted in wrong thread!

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