Struggling at the end of mat leave

[FSteph]

Hi there,

not sure why I’m writing this post but thought it might help to write down how I’m feeling and see if anyone can relate.

Im going back to work in a few weeks and my second baby will be starting nursery full time at 10 months. this is my second baby and for some reason, I’m struggling with this return to work far more than the first. Perhaps knowing it might be my last baby, I feel very emotional about letting go of the time off with her, and also extremely guilty for sending her to nursery full time when she still seems so small. I did the very same with my son, and I know it’s totally normal, but regardless, my hormones are all over the place.

to make things worse, my dad has just been diagnosed with advanced lung cancer that’s spread to his brain and liver and we’re very much in the throws of coming to terms with the fact that he’s probably not going to get better. It’s incredibly difficult to see him go from a perfectly fit man to someone scared and in pain. Not to mention my heartbroken mum who has now suddenly become a carer for her husband of 49 years.

basically despite how much I try to stay positive and pragmatic, I’m really struggling with all of this.

thanks x

I am sorry you are going through all of this, it must feel so overwhelming for you. Sending you hugs.

I am also struggling at the thought of the end of maternity leave, it’s all consuming at times. I didn’t think it would feel this gut wrenching. I just keep thinking of the benefits to nursery in respect of socialisation and also earning a bit of extra money to give my little boy a more comfortable life.

Can you speak to your work about your dad’s diagnosis if you feel comfortable to do so, just so they are aware you are dealing with a lot of uncertainty and stress on top of returning to work.
Could you use some annual leave to stagger your return, or to reduce your working week for a few weeks to help you feel a bit more phased in? Or does your company offer a phased return at all?

Be kind to yourself as you are going through so much right now.

You are going through change whilst going through a really tricky time with your dad. I would talk to your work about everything. Do you have any accrued annual leave you could use to do part time for a bit to help you be there for your mum and dad and maybe do some shorter days in nursery for you little one.

I had pnd and went from mat leave to sick leave as I was in hospital when my mat leave finished. After a month I started my phased return starting with 2 days a week. I found I couldn't manage full time any more as more than 2 days a week put me in bed. I settled on 4 days a week with Wednesdays off. I'm doing 80% but with lower deductions my take home pay is 90%. It was fairly cost neutral for us once we factored in a day less nursery and my train fare into the office. I have a colleague that did compressed hours they also did 4 days but at 90% so longer days. Would it be an option for you, even if just the short term (2-6months) whilst you are coping with some really tricky situations?

Thank you both so much for replying. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one, but of course I’m sorry to hear that you’ve both had the same struggles with going back to work.

I told my 2 line managers yesterday about my dad and they have been incredibly supportive so at least I feel now as though there will be a sort of expectation that I might need to step away at times to support my family depending on how things go. And luckily I’d already sorted going back on condensed hours - I’ll be working 10 days in 9, so have every 2nd Friday off with my kids, but the first few months I’m using annual leave to make it every Friday. This should also help my mum who was due to watch them the alternate Friday, which is obviously not possible at the moment.

Today I’m feeling slightly better about it all, but the emotions really do come in waves and sometimes it’s difficult to have any perspective and snap myself out of a low mood.

Thank you again for the support and advice x