School phobia secondary school

[Maria1979]

My DS just started secondary school and he's not doing well. Headache, tummy ache, incessant crying in school but fine as soon as he gets out. Everything is fine in school : teachers are nice, no bullying (atleast he's not a victim of it) and he really doesn't understand what's happening. I asked him if he wanted to switch to another school but he says no. He's upset with himself because he doesn't understand why he's reacting the way he is. I have talked to the head who is compassionate and he will see a psychologist in two weeks (waiting list). He's sleeping with me right now or he won't go to sleep. Has anyone experienced anything like this and do you have any advice? He's got plenty of love and support at home and no pressure, we just want him to be happy 🥲.. I feel so out of my depth and a lousy mother not being able to help him.

You're not a lousy mother. This is hard.

The transition from primary to secondary is far harder for certain children, for myriad reasons. EBSNA (school phobia) is a failure of transition.

Practically, you need to meet with his head of year to look at ways of taking the pressure off: this might be a 'soft landing' in the morning where he can go somewhere quiet for a hot chocolate; head of year might be able to look at his timetable and factor in breaks where he sits in a quiet spot/pastoral base and works independently; he might stay in school until lunchtime then go home.

You need to get him counselling ASAP, and speak to your GP about getting him assessed for autism/ADHD (if he hasn't already been).

Is imperative that all of his key adults pull together to make sure that he starts to feel comfortable with going to his new school.

My child was like this.
Started refusing to go. Felt sick every morning.
We had a meeting with the head of year who was fab. It seemed to sort it out. They kept an eye on them for a bit.