Worried about my 7 year olds comments

[hello33sunshine]

So I'm a single mum to two children. This is about my eldest - 7 year old.
We had such a wonderful summer holidays together. He genially seemed the most settled and happy throughout. We didn't do much like holidays etc, but it felt like great quality time.
We are very close, and very open when it comes to saying things like "I love you" and affection. He's such a good little boy. I honestly consider him to be a little best friend!

He is however extremely sensitive when it comes to any form of criticism or discipline. For example, if he was "told off" for something he gets soooo upset about being in trouble. I have no idea where this has come from. He's rarely told off tbh. But he's always been like this for as long as I remember.
When he's upset it's hard for him to share it with other people. This really bothers me. I worry so much about him keeping things in. But again, he has always been like this! I think he worries a lot about making me sad or people thinking badly of him.
I'm getting tears in my eyes typing this because I feel like such a failure as a mum to have such a young child who is so self conscious of himself.

Anyway, he was buzzing about going back to school. He's been happy talking about his day and nothing obviously wrong with him.

Then yesterday he was in a right mood ALL day. I tried to talk to him but he didn't want to so I left him to it. Then in the evening he started playing up so I had to have a firm converse with him about his behaviour. This obviously led to tears. Then he said to me "I just feel really sad. I don't like myself. I don't feel special". He then told me he feels like this sometimes. He has in the past said he doesn't like himself when he's been in trouble.

Them words are going round and round in my brain, I'm SO upset!
Knowing him well, I know that this has probably come from him being upset he's been "told off" which has made him feel bad about himself. But to hear the words has broke my heart!

Does anyone else have a sensitive child like this? What can I do to help him stop being so hard on himself?
He is so very loved by all family. He sees love from us all all the time. I just don't want him to be keeping feelings in and being upset. Will this change over time?

I keep seeing stories of children with bad mental health and it's making me really worry about him.

He is normally a bit down when he goes back to school, so I should expect it and give him some time, but I can't help but worry!

When I say disciple or told off, I just want to stress that this is a rarity.
We have boundaries in our household which work well - I only have these conversations with him whenever he crosses them which isn't very often!

I’m sorry to hear this, he sounds like a lovely and sensitive little lad. Maybe lots of words of affirmation? “You’re amazing at making your bed!” “I wish I could colour in like you, you’re so clever”. Try not to beat yourself up, I was a suuuuper sensitive kid and now am a suuuuper sensitive adult, it’s just how I was born.

I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job already, just try and work out what boosts his self esteem. Words, little jobs that he gets praised for, treats. Just try and praise all the little things he does. Bless him though, the world needs more sensitive humans, the world is just unfortunately quite hard for us

Hmmn. Very close, very open, your best friend - single parenthood can be lonely and it's easy to inadvertently put too much on your eldest.

Maybe he feels stressed out by too much adult perspective or sensitivity towards your needs, awareness of what you went through in break up etc?

I don't know what the answer would be exactly, but those are my thoughts based on your op. He needs to know he's a child, you're in charge of your stuff and it's not for him to worry about, you love him unconditionally and nothing he can do could oust him from the family (maybe he feels this happened to your ex and could happen to him?)

On the other hand, I also have a 7yo and they're given to catastrophising and having these emotional outbursts sometimes, something to do with brain development. They become more socially aware and start wondering how they fit in more.

I'm sure you're doing a great job, I don't mean this to come as bashing you or anything. Have you ever read any books on single parenting, that might help?

My youngest child is like this too and I think that he went through similar negative thoughts that you describe at an older age than his siblings who went through terrible twos/threenager etc
For example I have a daughter who is reasonably behaved but when she was 3+, she needed the reassurance that telling her off didn’t mean that I didn’t love or like her any more. I was annoyed by the behaviour but not her.
I think that it’s normal to feel embarrassed at being told off at school (hence most kids being better behaved at school than home ) and that your son is at an age where he genuinely feels remorse at his actions. I would give him reassurance that the slate is wiped clean after a telling off and that it doesn’t mean that you love/like him any less.