Does it get better? Struggling here

[mitygege]

Will preface this by saying DD is loved and very much wanted, but I'm really struggling with parenting right now and would like to know I'm not alone maybe?!
Only child so he expects a lot of our time, no family to help and COL has made life very difficult for us. All our money is spent on activities for him, bills and food and I'm just not finding any joy in soft play or trying to find activities in the house constantly in the rain. Spent a good chunk of my morning picking play dough out of the bloody rug yet again.
Also with sleep, lucky he sleeps through but doesn't seem to need much sleep. When do they stop getting up at 6am as we are so so tired, thought starting school would tire him but no.
It just feels a bit ground hog day with little time to do anything for ourselves for our own joy. And the whinging over nothing and the school runs in the rain. FFS

How old is your child?

4

Do you meet up with other parents with kids? I found even if I wasn't feeling sociable that really helped break the monotony. I assume she/he is at least age 4.

Yes we do but a lot see family or have a younger one so have naps to sort or their kids play together and they don't need a play mate as much as DS. We ask people a lot.

It does get easier, as they get older playdoh/building blocks/colouring get replaced with xboxs and phone 🤦🏻‍♀️ and although it is easier in a way as they are no longer seeking copious amounts of attention from you- you then start trying to get them off their damn games to play playdoh/ board games/colouring etc so they A) aren’t on screens allll day and B) so you see them for more that 20 mins at meal times lol xx

Do you get time with partner without your child? Do you get time with your friends?

I would make a rule that playdoh is only allowed on the kitchen table.

The ony children I know of are not used to occupying themsleves and this much harder. My first was like this until her sister came along. I’m not sure if there is a way to train them to occup themsleves.

You might find they sleep later as the mornings get darker. It's not easy. My daughter was a 5am riser until she turned about 6, then it got a little later.

She did learn to entertain herself for a while though. I would put out a puzzle and a book in her room and ask that she doesn't wake me until she'd done them unless she was scared/unwell/upset. This delayed her a bit.

At 8 I got her a tv for her room and she watched TV until 7 then came to wake me. She's nearly 10 now, and goes to bed 8 30-9 and wakes about 8. So a much easier routine.

It gets easier, yours is only 4.mine nearly 7 and still relentless and tough but miles better than 4!

Very little time with DH, maybe an hour in the eve where we are both knackered then an early night.
I know one day I will miss the times we get to sit and play with him...but I find it so boring and I invariably get bossed about, things trashed and it lasts 5 mins of the very long day.
I try and meet friends but wfh so a bit lonely and most mum friends have their kids or very little spare time/money atm

Firstly, could you set a rule of only using playdoh in the kitchen?

Just involve your child in daily tasks. My 5yr old loves to help with the washing. Laying out the breakfast bowls and cereal and putting milk on the table.

Bath times a good activity if you have one. Then you can just sit whilst he plays.
Saying that, my child just started school a few weeks ago and he is absolutely exhausted every night. Very cranky too 🤦I'm hoping the adjustment won't take long.

Life is hard with two young kids especially with no help. Could you use a nursery staff member to babysit for you one day or evening? Presuming you used a nursery before he went to school. That way he at least knows the person babysitting him

I've got a clingy only who has just started school and doesn't sleep very much too!

We'll be getting into a new routine the next few weeks with school and stuff but usually we do a bit of chill time late afternoon with telly, then all eat early evening so we don't have to faff about once he's in bed (or is still up!) then play or go for a walk. We always stay up a bit after he's gone to bed to chill a bit, chat, watch telly or whatever. I've taken to building Lego which is actually quite therapeutic 🤣

Weekends we try to see family or friends, lots of parks. Soft play is too busy at weekends for him anyway. I'm hoping to make some connections at school so we can have a bit of a circle to see, but it's early days. We usually spend time at home playing and doing housework which ds "helps" with unless we can distract him properly! We've recently got guinea pigs and he's really good at helping with their food, water etc. I wasn't sure what I was thinking getting pets with everything else but I love them now. We made playdough the other week, lord knows why but it killed some time I guess!

Do you get any time to yourselves? I know it's like a joke question sometimes. Sometimes I'm lucky to get 20 minutes on a Saturday for example. But we try to arrange an afternoon or evening out every couple of months, if my parents can watch ds.

I feel the same. 7yo and 3yo. My life is exhausting and dull. I love them both immensely but the lack of flexibility, the fact we're constantly struggling with money and how relentless it all is gets to me a lot. The weekend mornings are particularly hard. But I will say the 7yo is slowly becoming more independent - so I can see there's some sort of light at the end of the tunnel

IMO yea it does OP.

4 is difficult age IMO. The American call 4 the “fuck you fours” and having a 4 year old I can see why.

I also have a 6 year old and although he can get up early he is fairly independent. There are other challenges I don’t have with the 4 year old - screentime, homework and school relationships. But I find him easier to spend time with him because he’s started to take an interest in things like history so I can do things with him that I also enjoy,

My 4 year old is a nightmare a lot of the time and has massive meltdowns constantly. I need to be up when she is up to make her breakfast, she generally starts a tantrum at breakfast, then about what she wants to wear, then because she gets into her head she wants a lollipop etc. Goes on all day.

i also think lazy parenting is the way to go sometimes, both my kids make a massive mess with play dough, mash all the colours together and leave tiny bits of it everywhere so I generally save myself the hassle. Same goes for painting which they do in school and childcare anyways.

Just to answer some questions:
We can't afford a baby sitter and to go out. We literally work to pay bills. We are sensible with money but every penny we have saved from our extortionate nursery fees have gone to increase mortgage, petrol, food, every other bill that has gone up ridiculously. I always felt like school starting would be a new start of having a bit of money to enjoy life and that has not happened at all.
We enjoy the outdoors, but it has rained relentlessly where we are for a week straight and flooded. I draw the line at a joyless walk in the rain followed by soaking wet clothes. I hate that.
I feel like a terrible mum and wonder why I had kids, I don't feel I can give them what they need when everything else is coming at us and making day to day life just a monotonous grind. Nothing is for me and no money to change that.
WFH where I speak to no one all week is also killing me, it can't afford to change jobs either so I'm just stuck in this shit and resenting it. I feel like a childless life would be so much easier and then get stuck in a circle of feeling the most horrible mother for sometimes feeling that way.

I know how you feel @mitygege

I totally sympathise with the money, I think so many of us are in this position. I thought once the 30 hours kicked in things would get better but the saving has been totally eaten up by the rise in fuel, council tax, energy and after school clubs for the eldest etc. We haven't even had our mortgage rise yet, but we've got another 3 years on our deal luckily so both will be in school by then.

Re: a child fee life - I sometimes think that, but also if I hadn't have children I would have always wondered what if. I wasn't a person who just knew children weren't for me, so I wouldn't have spent it as content as I sometimes imagine.

I'm really hoping that it gets a bit easier as they get older. There are signs of it with my 7yo. As others have said she's much easier company now and interested in things I genuinely get enjoyment from. But then she's having some struggles at school so the anxiety around that sort of add to the feeling of overwhelm/being in an impossible task.

You should definitely look for another job that's hybrid. I'm self employed but try to work outside of the home as much as possible because otherwise you just get so bogged down with the domesticity of it all.