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Original poster

Wits end with toilet training

10 replies

ECPCR2 · 07/09/2024 14:55

DD is 2, will be 3 in December. She's an incredibly bright child but also very stubborn.

She pretty much successfully toilet trained at 22 months, but when she moved up to the toddler room at nursery it all went to pot and she was having lots of accidents every day. As we were spending Christmas at the ILs we put her back in nappies and gave her a couple of months to adapt to the new nursery room.

Since about mid February she's been back in pants. We repeated the weekend of watching like a hawk and prompting every half an hour. She didn't take to it as she had done the first time but it wasn't too bad.

However we're now best part of 8 months on and she has made no progress. Some days she'll be having 8 accidents - mostly wees but also poos. Last night after nursery, in the 90 mins at home she did 3 wees and 3 poos, all separate events, on the floor or in pants.

She's totally unpredictable though - she can do a day totally dry, and with me she tends to be better. This morning she and I were out at a dance lesson then the park with friends from 9 until 1:30 - totally dry, and 4 successful toilet wees (prompted). But then since being home shes done 3 accidents.

DH and I are split on what to do - keep persevering and deal with the washing (she was in reusable nappies before so actually not a whole lot more washing)? Or go back to nappies for a bit and try again in a few months?

We've tried not to get frustrated but when she has an accident, taken to the toilet to try again, then has another one 10 minutes later, after months and months of trying, it's very hard to stay calm.

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DustyLee123 · 07/09/2024 18:20

Sounds like she’s holding in poo when at nursery, as she did so many at home. I’d consider taking the pressure off and go into pull ups so you can still put her on the loo/potty

GranPepper · 07/09/2024 18:58

ECPCR2 · 07/09/2024 14:55

DD is 2, will be 3 in December. She's an incredibly bright child but also very stubborn.

She pretty much successfully toilet trained at 22 months, but when she moved up to the toddler room at nursery it all went to pot and she was having lots of accidents every day. As we were spending Christmas at the ILs we put her back in nappies and gave her a couple of months to adapt to the new nursery room.

Since about mid February she's been back in pants. We repeated the weekend of watching like a hawk and prompting every half an hour. She didn't take to it as she had done the first time but it wasn't too bad.

However we're now best part of 8 months on and she has made no progress. Some days she'll be having 8 accidents - mostly wees but also poos. Last night after nursery, in the 90 mins at home she did 3 wees and 3 poos, all separate events, on the floor or in pants.

She's totally unpredictable though - she can do a day totally dry, and with me she tends to be better. This morning she and I were out at a dance lesson then the park with friends from 9 until 1:30 - totally dry, and 4 successful toilet wees (prompted). But then since being home shes done 3 accidents.

DH and I are split on what to do - keep persevering and deal with the washing (she was in reusable nappies before so actually not a whole lot more washing)? Or go back to nappies for a bit and try again in a few months?

We've tried not to get frustrated but when she has an accident, taken to the toilet to try again, then has another one 10 minutes later, after months and months of trying, it's very hard to stay calm.

I'd take your child to the doctor. 3 bowel movements in so short a time may mean your child is anxious or has some other issue. Sometimes several bowel movements in a short time actually means the bowel is impacted (can happen from the child holding in a movement) and the multiple spillages of "poo" are coming from the side of the impaction. Laxido can be prescribed by a doctor if they find this is necessary. I'd seek medical advice. It helped a young relative of mine who is fine now

Original poster
ECPCR2 · 07/09/2024 20:03

Thanks, both. I think the three poos yesterday is a bit of a red herring - that's definitely abnormal, and she does poo at nursery (accidents and on the toilet). She has chronic diarrhoea and is on loperamide (Immodium) to deal with this, but even so they do come pretty suddenly (same for DS) so I'm less worried about the poos as for DS it was a case of getting the dose right and he was then able to get there in time, so I am confident the same will come for DD.

It's the completely inconsistent wees that's the frustration.

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LegoHouse274 · 07/09/2024 20:10

I would speak to GP and/or health visitor too. As this is a child who has previously been toilet trained and is later developing issues, that's different from a child that has never been toilet trained.

What is the cause of the chronic diarrhoea? Is she under a specialist for that? Seems like there's something to get to the bottom of there rather than just taking loperamide regularly without treating the root cause.

I'd see what the healthcare practitioners recommend and perhaps call the Eric helpline too, I think continence nurses staff that. But my gut would be to persevere and not go back to nappies. She's shown you before she can do it (and still does, sometimes) so she doesn't need to be in nappies. It may get increasingly difficult to sort if you go back to nappies and just kick the can down the road a few months tbh. Have you tried reward charts? Or a third period of staying at home bare bummed for a few days? I presume you make her try for a wee before going out and all those usual 'easy catch' touch points already?

Bobbybobbins · 07/09/2024 20:19

My DS has digestive issues too and is on medication. We are under the continence team and they said if your child is taking any form of digestive medicine it can have a massive impact on their body's signals for needing the toilet. So this could be an issue for your DD.

GranPepper · 07/09/2024 20:24

LegoHouse274 · 07/09/2024 20:10

I would speak to GP and/or health visitor too. As this is a child who has previously been toilet trained and is later developing issues, that's different from a child that has never been toilet trained.

What is the cause of the chronic diarrhoea? Is she under a specialist for that? Seems like there's something to get to the bottom of there rather than just taking loperamide regularly without treating the root cause.

I'd see what the healthcare practitioners recommend and perhaps call the Eric helpline too, I think continence nurses staff that. But my gut would be to persevere and not go back to nappies. She's shown you before she can do it (and still does, sometimes) so she doesn't need to be in nappies. It may get increasingly difficult to sort if you go back to nappies and just kick the can down the road a few months tbh. Have you tried reward charts? Or a third period of staying at home bare bummed for a few days? I presume you make her try for a wee before going out and all those usual 'easy catch' touch points already?

I agree. My young relative had issues for ages and it wasn't until an excellent GP had a very good consultation with their mum and explained to mum and child the issue and the medication that had to be routinely given, not just when there was a problem, and that regular hydration from water bottle was a complete necessity, that it was understood and resolved. Also that leakages were a symptom of impaction and you had to resolve the impaction instead of thinking the leakages were the problem. My little relative now has no issues. Thanks to understanding GP. I hope you get to bottom of issue, but without undermining you in any way (parenthood is hard) I recommend medical advice

5475878237NC · 07/09/2024 20:29

PS warning there is some gender woo in there too.

endofthelinefinally · 07/09/2024 20:29

Chronic diarrhoea rings alarm bells for me. Are you sure it isn't impaction with overflow? This will cause incontinence of urine and stools.

TinyTeachr · 07/09/2024 20:45

Im am winderung also about impaction. Worth a quick chat with GP? Could cause what you describe.

Otherwise, 3 wees in that time makes me winder if shes getting enough ti drink dyiring the da. Is she coming home very thirsty and then having a massive drink?

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