Solo parenting two under two - tips needed!

[DisneyLady1]

I have two under two (including an EBF newborn who feeds throughout the day on demand).

I'd love to hear some tips from veteran mums on how to take care of both children solo. My main worries are:

*how to get out and about without losing DD1 while breastfeeding baby?

*good activity ideas that don't involve sitting watching Cbeebies whilst feeding DD2

*ideas on places to go

*tips/hacks on how to manage when out and about

*what to do if they both have meltdowns at the same time?

*what do you do if you need the toilet, but can't leave the children together alone for safety reasons?

*do you manage to eat??!

I'm sure you veteran mums and solo parents of multiple children will be laughing at my concerns! I just thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to tap into the mumsnet wisdom before I take the plunge and take them both out and about for the first time.

Given that we are in the newborn phase, we've just been at home so far, but keen to branch out.

Thanks in advance for your patience and generosity! Haha :)

Mine are 2 1/2 & nearly 4 now and it does get easier. You get to look forward to them entertaining each other when it may get a little tougher for a one child parent in later days.
But back to 2 under 2. It is a very challenging time it will pay off. I was breastfeeding both of mine so sitting doing that was an activity in its self.
I had to be very conscious of where I took them as there isnt that many safe places at that age. Baby groups and even if baby room is in separate rooms Id take a few bigger kids toys into the baby room. Find other parents that will offer to make a cuppa for you even if you only get a couple of sips. Bicuits are a god send, est them. Even better some offer cheap or free food. Some toddler groups have staff that can be very helpful to support you with 2 find them ones. Do you have a surestart? Speak with them they are usef for tips
Find other 2 kid parents similar age, as you have someone to rant about how difficult it is but laughs and cry through it together.
Find the right park that works a one designed for little ones. Soft play again with a good separate little one area. Places with easy parking and not far to walk to place tou want to go.
You got a good double buggy? Recommend out and about double. Can get a separate pram bit to add.
Have a good baby carrier. I used half wrap ones so alot easier to get on and off. I cant remember name of exact one but Koala Babycare Baby Sling Easy to Wear looks similar or have a research for easy sling good for breatfeeding on the go to see if can master the skill of breatfeeding whilst following toddler around and doing a zillion things.

Bring them with you whilst having a toilet trip, or one of them. Have you got a lightweight bouncer to easily move around. I had 3 all together one down, one up and a portable lightweight one.

Tips - when out and about just ask random people for help 99% of people will see you and just help as its the right thing to do. Go to a more friendly supermarket for having both of them. Test out different shopping trollies and always ask the staff to help pack and get any last minute things you forget from the shop if they're starting to get agitated and need to end the trip fast. It took me a bit of time to get used to this but its not a one person job and it takes strength to ask for support.
If any of your friends and family offer help take it. I unfortunately didnt get much of this but I would have bit someones hand off if they did.
Tip- I nearly lost the plot many of times and I soon learnt that you have to make some time for yourself. It used to be just baths for the first 6 months but you need more. A half hour walk along. Something away from both kids even just for short spells and remember things that you like and figure out what out your hobbies are and still have a tiny bit of time to do.
Watch something you want, something that gives you energy or reminds you about your your likes your dreams.
When they both have a meltdown it was time for me to go off in my imagination to a far away place. Almost like a meditation and then just deal with one at a time.

You will end up in several scenarios where you just have to pick which one do I need to deal with first.
Hope this helps. Its hard but their worth it but keep ahold of yourself aswel. Your a human you deserve kindness xxx

Those are all valid questions!! The newborn phase is so amazing but so hard, add a toddler into the mix PLUS being a solo parent, you're already a super woman! Try not to overthink, just go with the flow and you'll find your groove/what works for you and DD1 but in answer....

*how to get out and about without losing DD1 while breastfeeding baby? - keep her strapped into the buggy if you need to sit on a park bench or something, or in a high chair at a cafe. Our local shopping centre has an amazing baby room, with a play area and curtained off cubbies to breastfeed, so you could check for things like that where you're going.

*good activity ideas that don't involve sitting watching Cbeebies whilst feeding DD2 - honestly we had a lot more screen time than i'd like and then I made a conscious effort to cut it back down once baby was feeding less. We did do lots of feeds balancing the baby, the toddler on my knee and having a book thrown in my face to read!

*ideas on places to go - the library!! Warm and quiet (I had a winter newborn). Our local shopping centre has a little play area in the middle and also puts on various free stuff for kids so see if there's anything like that near you, check your local family centre website for playgroups, or if you have a local Facebook group ask there. We found a lovely church run one, the ladies would make you tea and cuddle the baby, the toddler would play, bliss! Consider a membership if you have a local zoo or farm or 'day out' place (I don't know what you would call them but those places that have animals and rides and bouncy pillows etc)

*tips/hacks on how to manage when out and about - bring snacks! Keep baby in a sling so you are hands free for toddler

*what to do if they both have meltdowns at the same time? Something I still struggle with, but you've got to just take a deep breath and ride it out

*what do you do if you need the toilet, but can't leave the children together alone for safety reasons? - place baby in cot or Moses basket and bring toddler with me.

*do you manage to eat??! - lived off toddlers scraps for the first few weeks. Try to make yourself some proper food for the next day once toddler is in bed

Will also give you the best tip I got from a friend - get a galaxy light projector thing (cheap off Amazon!) I would put it on in my room for the baby and that bought be 10-20 quiet minutes to put toddler to bed just me and her.

Hope that helps - but mainly just like anything with parenting you'll learn as you go! You got this

I had a newborn and a potty training toddler so lots of breastfeeding and running to the toilet, you get used to breastfeeding on the move.
I had lots of sit down activities for the toddler to do while I was feeding; stuff like mess free colouring, new books just for feeding time. We also did have a lot of screen time but CBBC is quite educational so it's not all bad.

Shower with the toddler with baby in a bouncy chair. Or set up a splash play while you're showering.

Make a packed lunch for the next day even if you aren't leaving the house. At least you then have a sandwich. Lots of pots and packets of snacks. It keeps everyone's mood up and means you eat.

Second the previous posters idea of library, they quite often have toddler music or story time.

If they're both having a meltdown, deal with the one that can move first as the baby can be safely put in a pram but if you're out and about you need to focus on the one that could run into danger. The baby will be fine.

Have you got NCT or playgroup friends? We spent a lot of time at each others houses and there was generally one parent that could make sure toddlers were ok while you feed the baby and then you swap over.

Hey 👋 mine are all older now but there is 20 months between my older 2 and they were 5 and 3 when my twins were born so definitely have experience of juggling multiple children/toddlers/newborns lol honestly i have no idea how i managed some days, i now have a 8 month old and she is hard enough even with the others being older… i guess im just older too haha.
tips for me- always take snacks and a drink, doesn’t matter where you are going- shopping/park etc-
always bf before you go anywhere, it may save you a bf while you are out, if you are only going out for hour or 2.
always take a jacket- even if it is sunny- guarantee one will complain of being cold at some point lol.
pee before you leave, again it may save you a trip to the toilet if its a short trip out.
Bring toys- If they both start crying/meltdowns you may be able to distract one of them for few minutes while you deal with the other-snacks/drink will also help distract toddler.
my ds9 is severely autistic and has cognitive delay so is still very much like a very big toddler- i always, even now keep a small packet of his favourite sweets in my bag/pocket- not often i have to use them but definitely helps if he goes into full meltdown mode lol.
i have peed many a time with a baby on my lap lol
bring 2 muslin squares wherever you go- they are light so use them to cover yourself while bf and its doesn’t get as hot under there for baby rather than a blanket- don’t be afraid to do it in public, sod everyone else.
put baby into a pushchair rather than a basket type buggy, when you take baby out to bf, put toddler in- helps to stop them running off.
make up your food- sandwich/wrap etc the evening before so yours atleast is grab and go, its so easy to just make kids food and can’t be bothered to then make your own but if its already done….
buliding blocks were always a favourite and still are in my house, we have a large tub of wooden ones and even yesterday my dd9 was building castles with ds 12.
i hope you find some of my suggestions helpful xx

Thank you so so much everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses! It is really reassuring to hear your experiences and tips. Cheers for sharing, especially when you all must be so busy.

There are some brilliant tips here - amazing. I will be trying them all out. I think the idea of preparing things the night before (food, clothes etc) will really help me to get a head start on the day. And going out and about, but to "safe" places makes lots of sense. I'm sure lots of Peppa Pig will be watched (!) But hopefully not too too much if we manage to leave the house and get outside where possible.

I love the tip about visualising somewhere/something calming when meltdowns happen!! I think I probably do this already to some extent haha, but will need to be extra patient with 2.

Thanks again everyone! Your replies felt like a virtual "hug"!

Had 15 month age gap here and tandem fed them both.
We went to playgroup most days and always had friends there so if I needed a wee or to change one someone would watch the other or I'd take them both with me. Lots of trips to the park and library and cafes x

Pressed send, went swimming most weeks just us to a toddler class where I could take baby in too. At home I'd just put new baby somewhere safe so I could crack on with cooking / cleaning and toddler would either play/ watch anit of telly or sit up at kitchen table and colour / playdoh whilst I pottered