Co parenting with an idiot

[Chloe922]

Hey, I'm 30, mother to 7 month old baby girl

Going to make this as short as possible

Me and babys father (31) split up when baby was 4 months old. The relationship was rocky during pregnancy. Hea clingy, controlling and someone I no longer want to be with. I ended it

He's taking the break up hard and still asks for family days out, still trys to flirt with me ect. I've gone on a few family days out with him then he accuses me of leading him on.

Anyways, his recent comments tonight have really triggered me. He told me that if I won't get back with him our daughter will be meeting a new girl every weekend when she goes to see him. Meaning he will have a different girl at his mums house (that's where he lives how pathetic) every time his daughter goes to visit her dad

I explained to him that it would in inappropriate as a father to allow that to happen. And he's more than welcome to have as many girls as he wants to sleep over on his mummy's sofa where he sleeps. But it shouldn't be happening in the time that he has his daughter. He's told me to mind my own business and he will do as he please

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to bot be introducing ny daughter to his 1 night stands. I mean what kind of man/father would purposely do that. Its discusting

I dont knownwhat to do, I've left it with "if you carry on your going to have to take me to court and I'll explain everything in court"

What do u guys think

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. You don't want your daughter being subjected to different women every time she's there. It's not just a safety issue but also not a healthy environment. Saying that, I think he's just lashing out and testing your reaction. He's trying to make you jealous and probably hoping you'll say 'no please don't be with other women, I'll get back with you'. And also...unless he's Johnny Depp, does he have that much confidence that he can bring a different woman home every week??? Sounds very immature to me. Your daughter is still so little so he may also be hurting a bit. He may have had an image of a happy family, the three of you and now it's gone. How old is he?

He's 31, but very immature in the head, still gets babied himself by his family

Washing done, food cooked, that kind of thing.

And he's definitely no Johnny Depp lol

But yes I agree if he was to do somthing similar I personally don't think it's right.. do all that on your days you don't have your daughter. All strange to me

If he was that much of a catch you'd still be with him. Realistically even if he saw a different woman every week, would any of them want to meet his child after just one date?

So. We're left with the true reality. Which is he's tried Mr Nice Guy to get you back and now the mask has slipped. Now ypu can meet Mr Bully, Mr Manipulative and Mr Make Your Life Difficult.

Just reply "do what you want" "ok" or a thumbs up to everything from now on.

Good idea lol, I guess I'm letting him wind me up when I really shouldnt

Just ignore him. He's doing it to get a reaction. And I'd stop the days out too.

I tried to keep things civil with my daughters father, he was a complete dick and even now 14 years later and after she has told him to leave her alone now too, he still sends me and OH shitty/threatening messages, nip it in the bud asap cause that sort of behaviour doesn’t stop/never changes, we are currently trying to get an injunction against him now daughter wants nothing to do with him either xx

Have a quiet word with his mum. Just say you’re concerned that ex doesn’t understand how unsettling this could be for your baby.

Why the fuck did you get pregnant if you weren't in a loving, stable relationship?

I'm afraid that once you decide to have a child with someone, you're stuck with them for life, or at the very least, until the child becomes an adult.

He is trying to wind you up. Don't react then he is much less like to do it. Crap behaviour through.

So. We're left with the true reality. Which is he's tried Mr Nice Guy to get you back and now the mask has slipped. Now ypu can meet Mr Bully, Mr Manipulative and Mr Make Your Life Difficult.

Spot on. Honestly, what he's threatened will happen, just won't. It would be strange for his mum to allow it also. If it did happen, then stop contact.

What a(nother) pathetic man. Whenever I did anything with my abusive ex for the sake of the children (usually after he'd pestered and got the kids pestering me too) I'd also get the "leading me on" accusations. They're all of the same ilk. Until you're back in his clutches, he will make your life a misery. If you got back with him, he'd be even more controlling. You need to step back massively and make it clear you're just discussing access with him.

Accidents happen and maybe he didn’t show his true colours until after she got pregnant?

You need to learn to be non reactive.

Have a set routine when he has dc and don't engage with him other than to arrange pick up/drop offs and pass on any relevant handover information.

I think you might be best setting up some boundaries.

First one is all communication is via text or email so you have a trace. I agree with the PP, being Mr Nice Guy hasn't worked, now you're seeing his true colours. You need a record of what he's saying.

I would also encourage him to apply for a Child Arrangements Order, make out that it's in his best interests that he has something formal saying when he can and can't see LO.

I wouldn't personally agree to him having LO every weekend either. That means you have to deal with Nursery then School and all the things that brings like days off for illness and he gets all of the fun times.

I suspect though that he's not very interested in the reality of looking after his own child and is using them as a tool to manipulate you.

Sounds like you did the right thing getting rid of this loser

Have you applied for CMS yet?

And to the poster who said WTF were you doing getting PG, I've managed to get PG using 2 different types of contraception with one BF.

So he is such an amazing guy that he will manage to attract enough women that he can have a different one at his house each week yes? Even though it is really his mum's house that they will all be flocking to. Yeah right.

Keep any messages and organise a schedule that doesn't involve you having to play happy families.

Forgot to add, when you do move over to him texting, WhatsApp or email, only respond to messages directly concerning him wanting to see your LO and don't respond to any other bullshit.

You can also remove notifications so he won't know if you've read the message or not.

This ^^ don’t get roped in to conversations not matter how “nice guy” he is being xx

Sounds pretty unlikely he will be having that much romantic success, to be honest. I wouldn't rise to his winding you up and concentrate on what's best for your daughter. Hopefully he will eventually do the same when his wounded pride has healed a little

He's just trying to wind you up, so just try and let it wash over you.
I'm sure your baby is gorgeous but in all honestly, do you really think there's going to be a queue of women lined up wanting to 'help' him with a baby and then have the privilege of sleeping on a sofa? I think he's in for a bit of a rude awakening if that's truly what he thinks!

Yes, I can't imagine a que of women wanting sleepovers with a 30 year old man on his mums sofa, whilst my baby is there aswell, he's actually so deluded. He's just winding me up recently, this co parenting malarkey is really effecting me and I'm finding it hard. I have to deal with this immature weirdo for the next few years

He's winding you up. You need to stop being emotional about things. Id respond, so your prepared to emotionally damage your child.

You need to stop communicating with him verbally. Only communication should be via text. Then you'll have evidence for court if necessary. It also really gives you time to think about your response and remove all your feelings out of it.

Also, FFS stop they family trips. You might be able to do things together when things are less raw and when he realises you won't be getting back together but it's too soon.

I have to deal with this immature weirdo for the next few years

I'm so sorry. Hopefully he'll mature soon.

Where have you left things with him?

Has he got a time and date to see LO?

Have you applied for CMS?

He had little one today for few hours, and is due to have her next on Tuesday

And I have not applied for cm as he works cash in hand

It's a shame about the cash in hand thing.

How was he today with you?

Sorry, meant how was he yesterday 🤦‍♀️

Doesn't matter

If they choose to use them the CMS has the power to assume an income which he may prefer to an investigation of him and his employer by HMRC