Military kids struggles

[Daisydaisydoooo]

Hello,

Just looking for some advice/experience please!

I really can't decide what's best for our children.

My husband is in the military and since we met I have always moved with him and always thought I would go where he does.

Since having children though, I feel differently. He doesn't move every two years like in some units. It's more like every 5 years. But he is away a lot.

He has 4 years left at this posting then only one more before he leaves.

My daughter is 4 and son is 1.

I can't decide between moving to my hometown and staying.
Positives would be no moving at all for my kids.
Same school.
See extended family.

Negatives.
Hardly see their dad. He would be 5 hours away.my daughter already asks for him all the time when he's away and she would see a lot less of him.
I would miss him a lot aswell and feel like we'd be living seperate lives which I don't like.

I don't have friends here or there so would still need to try and make friends.
At least near camp there are other waves who understand the struggles if deployment ect.

Even my family have a problem with his job and don't understand why he's away so much ect so they do get on my nerves.

I just can't decide where to be/what's best for my kids.

Has anyone got military children or been one themselves? What do you think is best for them?

Thank you

I don’t have a military family or any experience of it but just to say that in your position I would keep my kids with their dad, definitely for the remaining years of this posting. I understand the worries about moving/uprooting etc but a very young child’s most important relationships are with their parents so I would be doing all I could to maximise the amount of time they spend with their dad. Good luck!

I was a military child and moved every 2 years. However my DF wasn't away very often, but did do overseas tours for 9 months, 3 months etc, at times. We always went where he was posted, except the last one as I was doing my GCSEs.

As your children will still be really young when he comes out I'd stick with staying with him. Kids will make friends really easily as the other children will be in the same boat, and it will simply be a way of life.

At that age I think I would go with him. I was a military child

I was a RAF child and we moved frequently, usually every two years but sometimes as short as six month postings. It was fine until secondary school then it’s harder to make friends and there were huge variations in secondary school curriculums although this has possibly changed in the 40 years since I left school!

I would travel with your husband for now and try and get settled somewhere before your children start their secondary education.

I’m a military kid and I agree with the above of its 9 years left, I would go with him then settle after the 9 years. I remember being nervous moving schools but long term it’s done we a world of good. I cope with change quite well. I would try and settle around secondary school for the kids as it does get harder with friendships.

I am not but very close friends are military families

I'd suggest go with them while the kids are little but maybe for his next / last posting you start to build your new life with a fixed base and your kids can make fiends / settle in school etc for him to join you

Then that way you are not all moving together

Friends found ages 8/9 /10 very hard especially on deployment as schools etc were not that supportive but kids knew what was going on etc and a stable base with a network from friends and family helped once they are at secondary I'd recommend staying put

I was a Pad Brat and a Pad wife, would say stay with him. Try and make friends with other wives who are going through the same thing as you.

If your kids go to school on base, the support is great.

Next postingbhe can try to get as near as possible to where your home base will be so tat you can look at buying within the last two years so that your eldest can settle for secondary school.

I was an RAF child. In your shoes I would move with DH, but look at getting settled ready for Secondary school. I enjoyed my Primary years, we lived on camp and the schools were on camp (I don't know if that's the case anymore) but I went to 4 Secondary schools and it was really tough.

Thanks so much everyone.
Yes I definitley want them settled before secondary school.
Having my daughter say she misses daddy so much is awful. I don't want to take her away from him even more than necessary.
I guess if we stay with him now and maybe settle when he's next posted. Then they only have one more move.
I think seeing their dad more is more important than having other family around. And he would miss them so much

Coming to this a year after the last post: have you made a decision?
My sister and I were military kids, but she's 13 years younger than me and only experienced a couple of moves - I don't think it had much impact on her.
On the other hand, I had six different schools over as many postings, including overseas, and it made me who I am today. I loved it. A thousand friends over the years, experienced many different places and I can make my home anywhere.
Germany was the best part, but I lived in or very near the countryside for my entire childhood, 3 years by the seaside in Wales, plus all the advantages of having the camp/military facilities taking care of us.
It's disruptive on the face of it, but I didn't know any other kind of life at the time, and now it means I don't have that local-yokel syndrome you see, where people have lived in one place forever, with narrow horizons and the same three friends. I'm comfortable in new places and with new people, and I know that people from far away are basically the same as your neighbours!
It's not forever, and it's a chance for you and your kids to experience a lifestyle that most people are not lucky enough to have.