Almost 4 year old running off non-stop

[Oaktre878]

Hello
My almost 4 year old son runs off at any given opportunity. It's like he has no understanding that we could go round a play-place, museum etc together rather than him running off and exploring everything by himself. A couple of weeks ago he ran off at the aquarium when I was putting my youngest in the buggy, I had to get the staff to help find him and when they did he was happily looking at the turtles by himself with not a care in the world that I wasn't with him.
Today he ran off at a museum and again I had to ask staff to help me find him. It's not me being lazy, I have a very energetic toddler who I'm trying to manage at the same time and I don't want to avoid going out with them both together (or maybe I should whilst we're in this phase?!). I'd given my eldest a pep talk before we went in about staying together but he completely ignored it.
Does anyone have any advice/tips? I feel like a pretty useless mother at the moment in regards to this. I don't understand why he runs off as he loves spending time with me and his sibling, it's like he can't wait for us and wants to see it all immediately.

Please let me know your tips, suggestions, constructive criticisms!
Thanks!

Reins. If he won't stay with you then he wears reins so he has to until he learns.

What do you do when he runs off? What's the consequence? Eg reins get put on, or if he runs off you will just take him home.

Reins as soon as you get out of the car / leave the house, until he can stand next to you without running off.

Reins.

I agree reins until he can be safe without them.

Yep I'm afraid if he can't be trusted to not run off then he has to wear reins. Better than him running off and getting lost.

Reins.

Better a child in reins than abducted or under a bus. I had a runner too, you have my sympathy.

Perhaps also a reward scheme for staying close by for five minutes. Then gradually extend the time.

We got the fab backpack reins combo so was fun for kids and can stuck small toy inside.
Only thing that worked and made outings less stressful

One of my children was like this. It drive me mad so she spent a good deal of time wearing reins when we were out and about, to keep her safe and me sane.
When she was old enough to understand and not run off we ditched them but we always carried them with us for while after in case she reverted!

Reins or don't go to places like that. I was at the park 24/7 when my son was in his bolting era

Agree with reins. Once my kids were school aged, it was an excellent deterrent to running away as they saw it as something for babies.

Agree with pp, reins of some sort. You have to keep him safe.
DD was like this. She grew out of it not long after starting school. No sen or anything like that, just excitement and over confidence I think. DS never did it, just their natures were different.

It's almost thirty years since I went through the same with my ds, I used a wrist link so basically like holding hands buy a few feet of freedom. He got used to it very quickly and even after we stopped using it he tended to stay within the distance when we were out.

I used the same @Mudflaps in the '90's too. They worked very well with my sprinter!

Reins for sure, it took my kid 2 wears before they became embarrassing and I just kept them on me and used them a threat if they ran off they go on them and it's not happened since!

Reins he wears them until he learns to stop running away. Buy the reins, show him, put them on it him to demonstrate them and tell him if he runs away he will wear them then do it. It worked with all 3 of mine.

So many suggestions of reins! Wondering if this is based on driest hand experience? No way would my son have worn reins at almost 4.

He's 6 now and FINALLY seems to have stopped running off at every opportunity. School gates was a particular highlight. He has adhd, absolutely unable to hear verbal instructions 2 years ago.

The only thing I can suggest is repetition- reminding him not to run off every time you go out, when you get there, as you're walking. around. Praise for NOT running off. Bring distractions. Anticipate places you just know he will run off and avoid them or modify how you approach. At bedtime talk about what a good boy for not running off. Sticker charts (these didht really work for us but some kids they do!)

As I said, we're two years on no and finally over this hugely embarrassing stage. I feel for you! They do get through it!

*sorry for typos, seem to have them splattered all over that post!

My son did this so I have your sympathy, he eventually grew out of it when we he started school, but I remember it well.

Reins. If he doesn't listen to you, then he needs to learn it's listen or reins.

My nearly 4 year old does this and I completely understand how frustrating It feels, and how you feel like you have no authority or control as a parent.

I'm not against reins but to put them on a child that age is not something I'd recommend. They're for toddlers. Were meant to be teaching them to be independent. And they would stand out negatively to their peers.

What I try to do is really involve her is helping me with the toddler and getting everything organised and giving her little tasks and responsibilities. It doesn't always work but I've learnt to be fast with the little one.
One time I was completely honest with her and told her that not all people are nice and friendly and someone could take her away. Not to scare her, but to provide her with a reason that I don't want her to do it. It depends on your kid but mine has the capacity to vaguely understand that.

Good luck, you have my sympathy

Mine used to do this. So much that every time we went to the library the librarian would ask if he had stopped running off yet!!
We used a backpack with the lead on it.
He is 5 now, doesn't run off anymore so there is hope!!

When I say reins I don't mean the cute little backpack one for tots. I mean the ones you attach to their wrist and the grown ups wrist.