I cannot look after my teenage boy anymore, he is very abusive

[Yazz5055]

Hello mums,

I'm a lone parent, dealing with my 13 years old son who has ADHD and behaviour issues, controlling ,bullying behaviour mostly toward me! I have involved social services to receive help around his behaviour for a few years but nothing has changed.

Now we are under child protection,section 47, as I'm at risk of being hurt as well as him.
I feel very vulnerable and in fear about the situation. If he attacks me and if I react back( he slapped me in a shop but i dont remember what i have done as a result of reaction) I cannot mentally and physically deal with social services l, police or court and such.
I'm coming to a conclusion that perhaps is better to volunteer giving him up, I'm not sure how I can cope with the decision and how the life will be? Where he would be send to? Can I see him again?
Any help and advice would be appreciated.
Thanks

I’m sorry it sounds like a really difficult situation.

What support do you currently get from social services OP?

Have you contacted your GP?

To answer your other questions, it’s not easy to just give up a child, and you’ve got no guarantees on what life would look like after that.

This is heartbreaking, your at breaking point, so sorry your in a place we're your so vulnerable, the section 47 is to protect you, can you contact them and explain this, may offer some restbite for your son while you make a plan, but so should be supporting you and son, he too needs support, you are both struggling, please reach out and get them involved, so have a ' out of hours ' duty officer ' social worker ' you need to ring them , you both need support and son needs re assessment doing, please ask for help, gp will use these services too, not sure if gp is contactable now but please ring out of hours, and remember section 47 is there in place, use it, good luck

DD p you have any family that D's can stay with one night a month? Or could you ask SS for 1 night a month respite care for him. You sound at breaking point. My eldest DS had ADHD and I know exactly how challenging he was at 13. If it helps I can tell you by about 15 1/2 he had calmed down a lot. Going through puberty is dreadful with ADHD. As an adult now my DS is now kind and loving and brings me nothing but joy. But when he was 13 there were a few days I rang DH at work and ask him to come home and I drove off and stayed in a hotel for the night to reset myself

Do you have a social worker ?
He can be fostered but you would probably have to 'abandon 'him by leaving him at school etc but as long as you keep parental rights you can see him still.

You would sign a Section 20 and he'd become a looked after child. You'd still retain PR.

They would look for a placement for him, this might be with a foster carer but from your description of his behaviour and risks it may be a placement in a Children's Home.

It's a big decision; sometimes children return home after being in placements, but more often they don't.

Have you requested to work with the Family Intervention Team as well as the social worker?

As an aside, do you have an EHCP for your son's ADHD? Medication? Social services can help with this if not, and having an EHCP can be really advantageous as he progresses through the next few years.

Don't "abandon" him. There are proper routes to progress through, none of which involve the police returning your child because you've left him somewhere...

People say this all the time and it's terrible advice. All that will happen if the parent retains parental rights, is social work or police will drop the child off at their parents while they work together for a solution. Children don't get put into care for being abandoned at school when other options haven't been explored first.

This sounds very tough for you OP. I really hope you get the support you need for you both. Absolutely no one should be subjected to violence at home and left yo deal with it on their own. There's some good advice on this thread that I hope is of benefit for you.

@Commonblue it's how my friend got her child into foster care . It was the only way social care would help . It's not nice but it did work so I was telling facts not hearsay

Thanks for taking time and the explanation, is your friend able to see her kid still?

How is his adhd being treated?

We had support from Parallel Lives. Cardiff gateway, ARC ,Resilience project and more.
He also had a few times respite(two days of week for few weeks) because of my health but due to his behaviour the family refused to have him again so no any other respite family would take him ,it was before he gets into the child protection.
We have a social worker but it seems they don't offer any more support. And me being at risk if I do anything back to my child. He attached me a few weeks ago ,put me on the floor and banged an object to my head, I was scared and not able to talk for an hour or two. I scratched his chest whilst I tried to take him off and told the social worker but after 2 days they decided to look into it an emergency and their attitude wasn't great at first. So I m in fear in any case of accident ,where would I stand! I cannot deal with legal action and their hassle.

He is on medication! But he shows full understanding and controlling of his behaviour. He can be really manipulative.

Thanks for your kind words. The social services done not much but advising me to admit myself to A&E.

We have an intervation support worker involved too.
Yes he has been diagnosed with ADHD and on medication. I believe his behaviour is more than just having ADHD as he has control on his behaviour ( he mostly behaves at school) also he keep saying that he loves me but again he calls me names- a maid ,whore, monkey ,fat pig ... he controls what I watch ,with whom I talk and etc.

I can't give you advice, just sympathy, he's abusing you, heartbreaking as it's your son, but you deserve to be safe in your own home.
I hope you get the support you need.

@Yazz5055 yes as she has parental rights .. it was a massive story over years and they asked for help and it wasn't given . The only way to get SS to act was to abandon her . I'm not advocating it but it was the only way to get help in this case

It's very sad but now I understand how it feels and why they decided doing it.