I jist feel we aren't as close anymore.

[Wellnesswhattime]

Split with child dad when he was 1.5. Financial and emotional abuse, and i have no idea why I wasted my life in a shit relationship. Ex paid maintenance but would only look after child 1 day a week and see him intermittently. This went on for 3 years! He doesn't like doing weekends as says he has to work. All of a sudden ex has a gf and moves into her house ( like he did with me and another ex) and has agreed to 2 weeknights and 1 weekend a month so around 30 percent. I know he has to have a relationship with dad but my son has started saying he prefers dad's and cries when he's not there. It makes me feel like shit and I know I have to put it aside as he needs to have a relationship with him but ffs

Anyone?

It's hard isn't it, the only thing I can suggest is try keeping him busy and get him into some good after school clubs with good male role models. Local football or rugby type thing.

They also say things like this because it's not the drudge of weekday stuff you have to do. It's all fun and lack of parenting at his house?

I'm guessing the new house is a novelty right now. Possibly it's lots of treats and fun rather than normal day to day life. Does the GF have other children?

It must be very hard but young children aren't the best at judging what's good parenting or not.

As a previous poster said try and get some good male role models in his life and some structured activities. Football, cubs, karate, swimming etc. If he enjoys one of those and it's something that you take him to then it might help settle things down a bit.

Do you shout at your son? My mum used to do it to me and I hated it. As you ex only has him partially, it might be he is simply more patient with him

No I have never shouted at my son.

Yes they just eat rubbish and sit in the house.

I asked for more consistency as our child was going into school and I didn't want all the sporadic contact. I wanted consistency for him.

Exactly as above poster says, no parenting going on at his dads. So of course he thinks it's fun.
Just give it time and carry on being a good mum , consistent and caring.

It's bloomin tough at his age , I've been through it too. But they are all adults now and doing well.

That probably explains it.

@Wellnesswhattime You were correct to ask for contact to be regular. I fear it’s just a novelty for DS. He is going to have to learn that these nights are not his standard life and that’s with you. Expect dad to do reading homework! Then DS might see you are both the same. I would try and take him out and start arranging for him to play with friends. He’s going to get busy with school
too. You might have to explain that mums house is home and he cannot have what he wants.

Just a quick correction: 2 nights a week and 1 weekend isn’t 30%. You are still doing 75% of weekends! 5/7 nights each week,

I have but I shouldn't have had to push for a father to have consistent contact should I? Imagine if a woman played them games.

He's does 2 weeknights so 8 a month and 1 weekend that takes it to 10. Is that 30% or is my maths crap?

It's not a case of being happy or unhappy. Honestly I'm annoyed I was left to do all the hard slog and he's the hero. That seems to be alot of women's experience though.

I’ve never shouted at any of my kids. Aged 10, 8 and 5. Some of us don’t shout.

Ignore the goady poster. It’s perfectly reasonable to have negative thoughts towards someone who absolved themselves of responsibility for years and has only just decided to step up, and to feel sad that your son is saying he prefers to stay there.

I know I love the way women are meant to act like saints when they've been screwed over. It's the games too like he told me what weekend he can be arsed doing in September on the 30th August

And I can never rock the boat or his dad starts playing more games. I can't wait until he's older and he can sort contact with his dad.

Just been out all weekend and been told he'd rather be at his dad's. It's not going to come to roost. I have major regrets.

I am really sorry to hear about your situation. My best friend split up with her ex when the boy was 5. The boy cried himself to sleep every night until she decided to get together again after 6 months. She divorced her ex for good 10 years later because he was a complete waste of time from every angle. Unfortunately, the boy chose to live with his dad. He is now at uni and only speaks to his mum occasionally. She is a lovely woman and a divoted mother. It took her years (and a lot of counselling) to accept the situation. You need to tread lightly. Can you discuss your situation with a child psychologist to find out what you could be doing differently to encourage your boy value time with you more? If you can't afford it and you like reading, there a book with good reviews on Amazon, seems to be aimed at the parents of a boy of your age, link to follow. I hope it helps
https://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/1444753479/ref=cm_cr_unknown?ie=UTF8&filterByStar=three_star&reviewerType=all_reviews&pageNumber=1#reviews-filter-bar

Yeah I know I'm losing him thanks.

Another good friend of mine hasn't spoken to her mum for 15 years post divorce. She was a teenager when parents divorced, went to stay with her dad. She didn't speak to her mum until she was almost 30. They have wonderful relationship now. She understands now her mum divorced her dad due to his abusive behaviour. A child will only ever have one mum, this bond is unbreakable. Try to stay calm and try not to take it personally that your boy prefers time with his dad at present. I know it's hard. I hope it helps

Well this is all positive