What do I do? Anything?

[BrightTonight]

I’ve read MN for years but not posted til now. I’m not quite sure what to do.

DS (6) recently said to me, “I wish I had another daddy.” When I asked why, he said because he’s always grumpy. He quickly retracted it but I think it was genuinely meant.
It’s true - DH seems grumpy or irritated most of the time. He’s not angry/violent - just grumpy. It’s personality.

It’s increasingly sad and lonely to live with. I could put up with it if it was only me who noticed. But I can’t stop thinking about what DS said & I don’t know what to do, if anything.

Thanks for reading my rambles.

Definitely raise it with your DH. Surely if he knows that his grumpiness is affecting your son, he could try to change?

I'd definitely have a word but in a diplomatic way. That's really sad that your young son feels that way.

What kind of relationship do you and your DH have? In mine if my little one said that I'd be straight to the DH telling him to stop being a grumpy fuck because it's upsetting DS. Though as pp said approach it diplomatically if it's not like that. Just please don't let your DH show your ds that he's angry about it or anything

Thanks for your replies. We have had so many conversations about his demeanour that I’ve lost count. In some ways I feel sorry for DH - he would like to be a fun, chatty dad but it isn’t who he is.
In answer to the question about our relationship - it’s very strained. There isn’t really a relationship if I'm being honest. No arguments or tempers, just - nothing.
I have thought about leaving but it seems extreme because he hasn’t done anything wrong as such, and there are times when relationship with DC is positive. I don’t want to tell DH that comment specifically - he won’t (can’t) change and it would just make him feel terrible - he already knows how DC feel and he feels dreadful.

My husband can also be very grumpy. He is not how I expected him to be as a father and not like my dad who would play rough and tumble and make jokes - which makes me a bit sad. However I have to accept that he is who he is and that my son loves him. He interacts with my son in other ways such as taking him to football or mini golf. When he is grumpy I explain to my son that that he can’t help it and he still loves him very much - it is just how he is.

if the relationship isn’t happy - there may be many more too this though / maybe depressed. Always ensure that your son knows that he is loved though and it is not his fault if daddy is grumpy.

Could your DH be depressed but not acknowledging it? If this has been ruled out and it is just who he has become then you don't need to put up with it. You don't have to stay in a relationship just because there is no huge drama or abuse.
This will also be affecting your son. I grew up with parents who had a rubbish relationship and wished so often that they would separate just to get out of the oppressive atmosphere and never knowing if my dad would be in a miserable mood.

He can't transform himself into a fun chatty person if that doesn't come naturally to him. But he could make a bit of an effort, surely? Can you think of any specific changes he could make and suggest these to him?

I’ve tried as many practical solutions as I can think of, and in practice I do most of the interactions/caring for DC so that he doesn’t need to, so I’m just not sure what else to do. I suppose that makes it hard to offer advice when I’m not sure of my question!
@MagpiePi no I don’t think he is depressed but he is neurodivergent which contributes significantly. He makes some effort & I can see it must be difficult from his side too.

@MagpiePi no I don’t think he is depressed but he is neurodivergent which contributes significantly. He makes some effort & I can see it must be difficult from his side too.

But that doesn't mean you have to stay in a miserable marriage.