Partner out most evenings

[AliSxo]

We have a 3yo who's in school nursery, we both work full time with partner having his own business and I work for a company,

Partner wants to go out most evenings and whole days at the weekend to golf practice, physio, gym etc and doesn't think it's unreasonable, I get it's not a huge ask but if I was also out the same amount nothing would get done at home and we'd be passing ships.

My mental health has been tough recently and I'm in counselling once a fortnight, seems like I'm struggling to catch a break or time to myself but partner makes lots of plans for himself which means I'm often left doing bedtime, tidying up and packing nursery bag for the next day,

He doesn't think it's unreasonable to be out 3 evenings a week and a full day at the weekend but it's taking its toll as I work full time and our 3yo is wild and bedtimes aren'

Sorry that was meant to end that bedtime isn't always easy, often I feel drained at the end of the day and he'll come home after his activities and look to me for tea or clean washing and I'm pretty fed up in general. Feel like I don't get enough time for me.

It sounds like he wants to behave like a single man with no children.

Does he spend any time with your 3 year old, or has he checked out of parenthood as well?

He’s not a partner he’s a house guest! Put it into perspective that if you split up that you’d actually get more time to yourself. I can bet when he is there, that you are helping him look after DC.

In general there’s nothing wrong with having time to yourself for gym etc, it’s healthy to have that time for yourself, but it has to be equal! It also has to fit the household. So for example my husband goes to the gym most days, but he gets up at 5am to go before our daughter is up for the day, or he will go at 9pm after bath & bedtime is done. Can your partner not do that instead?

You need equal leisure time so if he gets 2 evenings a week, you need your 2 evenings a week. If he gets a weekend day, you get a weekend day. You’ll probably find after a couple of weeks of this he’ll realise how difficult it is to manage bedtime etc alone and will change his habits!

Of course it's unreasonable op.

And seriously, how can either of you possibly have to question it?

Equal leisure time. It's fairly simple.

If he goes out and you do bedtime on a Monday, then obviously he does bedtime whilst you do whatever it is you want to do on a Tuesday.

I think if someone who I considered an equal partner thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with me doing all the work whilst he had whatever leisure time he wanted, I'd look at him like he had two heads.

Was he always sexist, lazy, selfish and thoughtless op, or is this new to you since you both had a baby?