What do you think about this?

[Saluteee]

So it's not a long thread but just need some advice. My daughter is to attached to me she only below 1yo. What is completely normal!! but the effect she never spent much time with no one else she doesn't like going to her grandparents ( screams a lot) why should it be me changing my life to go there everyday of the week? its far and i haven't got a car. it's not my fault they haven't got a relationship with her, they could've spent more time when she was a baby to get her used to it, but they weren't interested so changing all my schedule for that it's not what i want but what they think i should do lol!

I had a baby that was so attached to me at 1y. It took until 10 months for daddy to be able to sooth her. She had reflux and allergies and spent most of her first year screaming. Grandparents barely got a 2 minute cuddle and we spent many a Sunday lunch passing her between me and daddy whilst we quickly alternated eating dinner and heading back to the car to go home. She's 4 now and has a super relationship with both sets of grandparents. She was born during the pandemic so spent very little time with grandparents. My in-laws we shielding until the beginning of 2022 and 4h away so she was 18 months before we were able to spend more time with them.

So problem 1 baby is super attached with you and doesn't want grandparents will resolve itself with time. Under 1 is still so little.

Problem 2 is your parents. It's not feasible to go over every day. How far away are they and how often would you like to see them?

it's really not accessible to go there everyday as the time walking is over an hour, or spending money on buses just to make sure they have a connection is not my job... i'm really busy with the baby they should know it i don't even have time for myself imagine just going over everyday for their benefit... i really don't mind being with my baby all the time, the problem is now the baby doesn't have a connection w them, they want it but don't do nothing for it...

Then stop going daily, once, twice a week is more than enough. Time spent with them is not going to improve their relationship. Time is, the difference between a 1 yo and a 2 yo is huge! Over the next 6 months you will probably find that they get better at being away from you and recognising other relatives as people of comfort. In the meantime what your little one needs is a happy healthy mummy and if that is going to your parents every day fine but from what you have said that's not the case. It is absolutely the right thing to put your needs ahead of what grandparents one. You won't be hurting their relationship with your child it just needs time to develop and once a baby is less dependent on mum it's much easier for them.
How was your relationship with your parents before you had your baby?

Sounds like you are angry with the grandparents, not concerned about your DD being 'attached'

Why do you have to go every day? Why not once a week? Or even twice?
My daughter was two before she felt comfortable enough to stay a day at my mums without me.

i'm not angry i appreciate them for most of the stuff. it's just they want to have everything without needing to do nothing that is not fair, if anyone wants a relationship w the baby they should step in and do what they wanna do, not waiting for me to give them that. i'm not forcing my baby to stay there if she screams ... it's upsetting a bit yes but im not angry xx

they say for the baby to know them and to start liking them she needs to see them everyday to recognise them... but why can't they come? they can drive i can't

was never the best, but it wasn't bad either they were just used for me to do everything ... even taking care of my siblings while they would go out

My mum openly admits I'm the child she calls "when she needs stuff to "get done""
I'm the middle of 3 and in my mid 30s but I've been mothering my mother since I was 8. My siblings seem to have mostly escaped this role. It's hard.

I really think you need to be strong and reduce the amount you visit them. Can you start arranging unmovable things once or twice a week to break the habit and reduce visits? My mum would love to see me and my daughter every day. She saw my niece every day from birth and she still sees one of siblings every day, speaks to the other most days seeing them several times a week. Twice a week is my limit and weekly phone calls. I would say that my mum's relationship with my daughter is very similar to the relationship she had with my niece at her age. Quality time is more important than regular time and if you are getting stressed by the visits she will pick up on that and won't see their house as a safe space.

Do you think saying to them that she might feel more comfortable with them in her own home might tempt them over to your house? Some times you need to be strict with parents but also frame it in a positive for them. Whilst my daughter has been in nursery I have been taking her to my parents on my non working day. They were expecting this to continue once she was in school. I've told them they are welcome to come and see her after school but I'm not taking her to them. If they come to us they can see her as soon as she gets out of school rather than me making the half hour journey to them so by then coming to me they gain time with her. There's no way I'm driving to them after school they are welcome to see her as many afternoons as they like but I'm not doing the running around when I have enough to do juggling parenting and a job. They are retired, it has been hard over the years having to be firm with my parents but it has been the only thing that has helped our relationship. When I'm doing all the running around and prioritising their needs I get burnt out and resentful. It's sounds a bit like you are heading in that direction.