Toilet Training Troubles

[Eumie]

I’m starting to feel really disheartened about potty training my toddler, and frankly I’m fed up of being stuck in doors all day.

He’s 2.5, and has shown signs of readiness for a while. We read potty themed books, he picked out underwear and seemed excited. Started this week, and it’s been awful! The worst day he had 5 accidents and no successful potty/toilet trips. We thought he’d finally got it yesterday, only one accident, and he happily pooed on the toilet!

Then this morning he’s had two accidents. Both of them when he’s been sat on the toilet 15mins earlier!

We’ve been doing timed toilet trips, and he’s bare bottom while at home. He gets some screen time when he’s sat on the toilet/potty (5min videos). We’ve tried blowing bubbles to help him relax. We’ve offered him rewards sticker/chocolate button for a successful toilet trip.

I think he does have control, but for some reason just isn’t going on the toilet. Although I do worry that he’s not aware of the sensation of needing to go - he’s never said to us that he needs a wee/poo. He goes to nursery and they have said they think he’s ready which is why we decided to try.

I don’t want to confuse him by going back to nappies, but also I hate being trapped at home and having to watch him like a hawk all day. (Not to mention cleaning up puddles and all the washing…). Likewise I don’t want him to pick up on my stress, and if he’s not ready, then I don’t know if sticking with it will help!

I think accidents are the norm at first with potty training. We started our 2.5 year old late July. He had no accidents day 2 so he got the idea, but had accidents after this day (especially at nursery as they only have toilets, no pottys, so this transition was a struggle at first). He doesn't drink a lot so i think he would have had more! We took plenty of spares pants and trousers wherever we went, and still do now. A month later and he doesn't regularly have accidents but if we are out and about we do have to encourage him. Sometimes he holds it if he's having too much fun, and we only just make it (sometimes pants a little wet!) And we know he needs to as he does a wiggly wee dance!

I have sympathy for you....sounds like my second child.I had one attempt and gave up and tried again a few months later. Which to be honest I really regret ....I think she has the type of personality that means it takes a long time to get used to new things and actually could have done with it all taking a bit longer as it was a big rush then to have her ready for a preschool in which they had to be toilet trained. She's in primary school now and still has to be reminded when hopping up and down...she gets distracted or focused on playing and doesn't realise she needs to go till she's bursting.
Just trained my third and she got it more quickly. I think it's easier for some of them than others.
Someone else is also potty training here on mumsnet parenting thread atm if you want some solidarity you could look through and have a read!
There's a good article here about potty training
eric.org.uk/potty-training/

I just find it so odd, as he’s a smart lad and hasn’t had trouble learning other skills. But it’s been a week and it feels as much a struggle today as it did the first day. We had no accidents this afternoon, but I he went nearly 5 hours with nothing. He had a wee on the toilet after his nap, then nothing until a wee at the beginning of his bed time routine. He sat on the potty multiple times in between and nothing.

I’ve read other threads and various advice websites, but so many of them say that by day 3 something was clicking for their toddler.

He’s in bed now, and I’m meant to be on a diet but I’m so stressed I’m having wine and chocolate to try and relax. I feel like I just need to resign myself to months of cleaning up puddles of wee and being trapped in the house 😭

I think the likelihood is it won’t be either - not the 3 day miraculous version or the trapped inside the house for months version. I started mine at 2yr 4m and there were days where she seemed to get it, and then accidents. A couple of weeks later and there’s now no accidents (she is in nursery 5 days a week, which helps). I wouldn’t despair too much, it can feel endless at the time but it won’t take that long I’m sure

It doesn't sound like it's going too badly, although it does seem like they're never going to get it at the time!
It sounds like you should definitely persevere!

I would just keep going. It's hellish but he'll get there eventually. If you give up now you just have to relive this in six months or so.

I trained mine at just turned 3 and he took 7 days to do a wee on the potty/toilet on his own. Never had a poo accident but had at least one wee accident every day for weeks and weeks 🤷 The record was five! Tbh he's not exactly 100% reliable now and he's going into Y1. Very smart, seems to be NT, dry at night, just struggles with this one thing. You have my sympathies.

Get a My Carry Potty so you can leave the house. Grim but very useful.

He's making progress and sounds like he can go a long time between wees which will be v handy in the future!!
Hang on in there.
People who succeed in 3 days with no accidents aren't the norm!
If you're going out of your mind at home definitely go out. If you need to use a nappy do or just bring a few changes of clothes and a potty.
It is all a bit trial and error. I think it's a bit harder for boys on average too. You'll get there!
Most people find it stressful, you aren't alone in that!

"I I just find it so odd, as he’s a smart lad and hasn’t had trouble learning other skills."

1. He's not ready, just go back to nappies for now.i wish someone had told me that! Getting into a cycle of stress doesn't help anyone, come back fresh in 3 months (or whatever)
2. Consider neurodiversity. Neurodiverse eg ASD children will get it later and struggle more then neurotypical children.

We tried at about 2y9mo and totally failed, then went back to nappies for about 6 months and tried again. Second time he understood better but he still (5yo) waits until the last minute and beyond to go.

Good luck! And follow your child.

So we do have a travel potty, but part of the issue is that he sits on it, nothing happens, and then soon after he has an accident.

Hearing from others that it’s awful helps. I think I’m especially frustrated as I felt like we were getting to this point of actually being able to have a nice day out together (he’s my little buddy and I love him so much), then we’ve got this massive hurdle to get over.

No accidents this morning. He’s at nursery today so hopefully he’s okay there today.

So Nursery have identified some ND flags, no diagnosis yet as he’s still young. Although they think he’s possibly twice exceptional, so he’s gifted and also ND. We have family history of ND so not a surprise. Knowing this is why I was holding off on potty training, but his nursery said they felt he was capable. I’ve agreed to keep going another week and see if he improves, otherwise we’ll stop and try again. He’s so sweet and I don’t want him distressed if he can’t work it out.

How did it go at nursery?
Since my first response on here, my son has actually had his first poo accident yesterday - this is 6 weeks into being potty trained! I am sort of blaming nursery. He started in the new room today. I guess regressions are expected when there are changes!

My son shows no traits but I also suspect ND. Mainly because my DH is and I know these things are usually very highly likely to be passed. He sounds similar to yours though- he's very advanced, people tell me his speech and communication is like that of an older child.