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Parenting

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Separation - moving children

4 replies

RBush22 · 01/09/2024 09:59

Hi all,

I have decided to tell my partner (unmarried) in the coming days that we need to separate. DD is 3 years old in a nursery that’s 2 years long and she would finish next September. DS is 10 months old and will be cared for by a nanny when I go back to work in a few weeks.

I live in a rental flat with my partner and we’ve only lived there for a year.

In an ideal world, I would move in January with my children to my mum’s house that’s 12 miles away. I would give notice to the nursery, arrange for alternative childcare and sadly give notice to the nanny.

Partner has said he doesn’t consent to giving notice to the nursery when I raised this possibility a few weeks ago. According to him it’s unstable for her (no other reasons) but I have plans to put her in a kindergarten linked to her primary school that starts in Sep 2025. She is only 3, has no roots to this area at all.

My mum and daughter are very close, the house is secure and stable, eliminates my rent, nursery and childcare fees are reduced and it’s a long term stable plan for my daughter’s primary school. Visitation can be arranged.

Partner is unstable financially, defaulted on last term’s nursery fees, doesn’t work, still owes me money, plans to sell the car to repay me, makes me miserable etc. there is no way I could ever afford a stable family home with him.

if partner refuses to consent to me relocating, changing nursery setting would he have a strong case to stop me with a Prohibited Steps Order or is my case strong? Im scared of court action and the consequences but I want to leave asap as I have a clear get out that I believe benefits the children.

OP posts:
Betyouthinkthissongisaboutyou · 01/09/2024 10:24

If he can’t support and pay for the children he won’t win anything. You could always stop paying the nursery so you lose your place. Explain it to them and say you will settle the bill after. Just do what you propose whatever way you can. Sounds like a good plan.

RBush22 · 01/09/2024 10:30

Betyouthinkthissongisaboutyou · 01/09/2024 10:24

If he can’t support and pay for the children he won’t win anything. You could always stop paying the nursery so you lose your place. Explain it to them and say you will settle the bill after. Just do what you propose whatever way you can. Sounds like a good plan.

Thank you for the support- he managed to somehow find his half of this term’s nursery fees after I said I would give notice if not. He refuses to pay for the nanny which he has said he couldn’t afford from the outset but he had no alternative plan for my son’s care.
I believe he could get an emergency PSO but I wonder how many of these are actually granted. In my opinion, my plan is reasonable but who knows what he will end up arguing…

OP posts:
Betyouthinkthissongisaboutyou · 01/09/2024 10:34

Good luck. Keep moving forward with your plan.

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pinkdelight · 01/09/2024 10:38

12 miles away is hardly what I'd class as relocating. I wouldn't use that term as it fuels his idea that it's unreasonable and needs preventing. It's still within the area and not hard for access in any way. It's your mum's house which is familiar to DD so not causing instability that way. Nursery - DC often move providers to go to the primary's attached pre-school anyway. This really shouldn't be an issue, so anything he kicks off about is really about his issues with you leaving.

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