Advice Son mitching

[teenboymom]

Son mitched from school, age 14
Punishment was given phone over for weekend and grounded, is this reasonable?

He is refusing to hand it over, don't know what to do!!

What the fuck is mitching?

Don’t give in, a punishment is a punishment, he needs to learn. Stand next to him all weekend if you need to until he hands over the phone

Skiving, playing hooky, not going to school basically

@spikeandbuffy24 thanks for explaining! He's dragging his heels and DH is on his last thread of patience...

Do you pay for the contract? Get the data suspended for the weekend.
But you also need to have a calm and constructive discussion. Escalating punishment doesn't work well for this age group

Tell him he either hands his phone over now or you will cancel the contract and he will have a dead phone. Now sometimes depending on who the phone is with you can suspend the phone for a time but even the threat of it might work.

His actions have consequences, he needs to learn that.

Thank you @spikeandbuffy24. I'd have guessed it meant stealing. Truancy I'd crack down on but it's not the crime of the century. Why's he doing it? That's what would influence my handling of it. Is it just cba attitude or down to bullying?

As for the phone, take all the chargers. The attitude lasts only as long as the battery.

Ugh he just ran out of house

Find out why he is doing it would be my first line of approach, it never happens without cause. Punishment isn't an effective 'fixer'

I should have just taken charger. I went to talk to dh and came back and he's gone and now cancelling calls. Dh gone out looking for him.

He says the reason he did it is he's lonely in school. I don't buy it. He had a gang of friends last year, had a girlfriend ( still has) and I think distanced himself from them a bit but still has boys from school calling etc

School are very strict and he says they blame him for things in class even when innocent. They are known for this but I don't buy it this time. Also I said if he had of just come to me instead of skipping school we could have sorted it

Clean him out while he's gone. No games console, that'd be hidden in the loft. TV taken out of his room if he has one and any tablets, laptop etc. Pocket money stopped. All indefinitely until he learns some respect. Be clear that this isn't punishment for not going to school. This is for the disrespect he is showing you.

@Balloonhearts ok I'm on it, will take charger. Thats all he has is his phone anyway

I think at this point I would try and de-escalate the situation.
Don't go after him.
Text him in an hour - check he's ok and tell him what time to come home. Give him room to think and regulate.
Do you usually have rules/consequences around phones? Or is this new?

Try and take heart. You've got about 2 years or so left before he turns back into a reasonable human being.

We usually take phones as consequence yes.

With all due respect, why would he come to you to sort it when you've literally just said you don't believe either of his reasons for not wanting to go to school?

As for the phone, take all the chargers. The attitude lasts only as long as the battery.

Love this!

OP if he's run off if there something more going on. I'd be really worried if this is new, change in behaviour, glued to phone and flight mode etc about things like county lines.

Hopefully it's nothing as serious as that and just teenage twatishness - but you need to be careful not to push him so far it ends up worse than it is. That doesn't mean no consequences - but you always need connection before correction.

Seconded. Escalating punishments isn’t going to solve anything. You need to talk to him and not dismiss what he has to say. There will be a reason for all this.

I know that's what I'm worried about. I'm scared. But this is a popular boy who had loads of friends Calling until recently. I don't know what to do.

Dh still driving around, I'm at home with other ds

He's texted me back and said he will be home soon...

Bloody teenagers