What age to Potty train????

[Meandmyjoe]

OK, this is a bit premature as my ds is only 8 months old but I was wondering what is the best age to start potty training. I always thought that it was 18-28 months but I was a bit confused when my mother in law seemed a bit suprised that we don't have a potty yey

Apparently she potty trained dh at 8 months and by 11 months he never used nappies at all.

Admittedly, dh did walk and talk very very early but I don't see how or why I would start to potty train so early. My ds can sit very well but is not yet mobile and clearly doesn't understand when he needs to wee. I don't understand!!!!

Astrophe, I share your views. I've been putting DS on the potty (he is now 1yo) on and off since he was 4 weeks (inconsistent with this to begin with due to lack of sleep!), but recently he goes on it happily, sitting on it first thing in the morning, and he throws a paddy if I take him off it! It's rather odd, considering other mums I know struggle to get their wee ones to even sit on it for a second.

Meandmyjoe, before making a decision, have you read any of the other entries on nappies and potty training? Three and four year olds who will only poo in a nappy and are potty and toilet phobic? Children who take more than a year to become reliably trained? Children who need to be bribed with sweets, stickers or small toys to use potties or toilets?

I can't help wondering, if these same children had been using elimination communication as infants, would they have had all these problems?

There is no harm in sitting on the potty for fun to begin with as a baby, it will simply be a normal daily occurrence, and if you catch anything it will be a bonus!!

My DD2 has trained herself in the last few weeks and she's not quite 22 months.

We've had the potty hanging around for the last 8 months and she suddenly decided that she wanted to start using it, so she took it upstairs to the bathroom and whipped her nappy off to be like her big sister.

We've had 1 accident since then, and we weren't at home.

There are an awful lot of stories of very successful potty training here, I'm not saying they are dishonest but in 'most' cases you will find that toddlers do have accidents once in a while, at playgroups and in the park, and it's perfectly normal and accepted. DS1 was trained at 25 months and all my 'mum' friends told me that he was very young to be out of nappies. And I have felt no pressure whatsoever about it from other parents. I took about 3 days for poos and about two week for wees, and I had been talking to him about going on his potty for quite a few weeks before that. Just saying that if he was having a poo or wee he could ask for his potty, and encouraging him to tell me when he was having a poo so that he was increasingly aware of it. When vising friends with children that were trained, I asked if DS could watch, and he was very interested in knickers (because of the fabulous book 'Aliens love Underpants') and I got him Pirate knickers and he just wanted to keep them dry and clean. He still has accidents once or twice a week maybe, if he is very busy with his playing or in the park and it's not a big deal. And yes, I gave him a chocolate button when he had his first poo on his potty, shoot me!

only first! we did lots of choc treats, especially for DD, who took a while to get the hang of poos on potty.

And yes, I agree that accidents with toddlers are a part of life. DD (trained at 25/6 ish months) had far fewer than DS (trained at 16-18 ish months), but I think its personailty. DS still thinks its a rather amusing inconvinience to wee on the floor, but DD used to find it upsetting, and so did it less.

Personally, I'd rather mob up wee with an old terry nappy once in a while than wash 6 nappies a day, every day!

christ I feel dreadful, DT1 is 3.5 and still nowhere near.....DT2 was 2.11. They are boys. I cant believe people have their children trained at 18 months, I think thats incredible!

My 18mo DS does seem to have awareness of poo-ing and wee-ing but absoloutley refuses to sit on the potty. Mind you they don't look very comfy so I don't blame him.

For Oblomov and anyone else who is interested. There have been a couple of modern studies on ECing.

The latest one is Here

QUOTE
For those who completed toilet training at the time of survey completion mean completion ages for daytime dryness and bowel control were 17.4 and 15.0 months, respectively; those who initiated toilet training during the first 6 months completed training earlier than those who started later;
UNQUOTE

Note mean age for bladder control was 17.4 and 15 months (wee, poo) hence some children finished earlier and some finished later. Those who started ECing in first 6 months had children dry and clean very early on (awaiting copy of report so I can look at all the figures) I guess it will be 10 months to a year based on threads I have read on ECing forums

Children do have limited bladder control from birth. I have seen it in action from 10 weeks old in my own daughter. Millions of ECed children all over the world have bladder control from birth. How are our Western children any different ?

There is no proof of any problems resulting from early potty introduction (if it is not forced i.e. 1950's style and with no punishment)

There is proof of problems resulting from extreme late potty introduction. Bladder muscles need to be used and toned else damage can result.

QUOTE
Dr. DeStefani, the Chairman of Pediatrics at Loyola University Medical Center, supports our methodology stating in our video that the sphincter muscles which control bladder and bowel moments start developing while the baby is in utero and reach their FULL maturity between 12 ? 24 months with 18 AS THE AVERAGE. This is when toileting should be COMPLETED, not started.
UNQUOTE

BlueberryPancake, You are right. Parents shouldn't feel pressure when their children have accidents. If they are in pants or a nappy.
Don't forget a child who is not ECed has many accidents a day into a nappy for years. Nappies just mean the accident isn't seen, it doesn't stop them from happening.

The earlier you give them the option of using the potty the less accidents overall the child will have...every one wins.

I just don't understand how this works, BabiesEverywhere. A vast majority of toddlers are potty trained between 18 months and 3 years old, so are you seriously saying that everyone here is wrong but you and parents who go for ECed?

Personally,I dont see how this works. Do you spend your time following your baby around with a potty hoping to catch anything? How many times a day do you have to clean poo and wee off the floor, furniture, car seats, etc? And clothes, you must have an awful lot of trousers and wash them often? How do you do practically do it?

Anyway, I am completely against this 'competition' of who gets their children out of nappies the youngest with the least accident. Come on, it's just silly. There's no trophy at the end, unless I've missed something??? Is there a money price? Where do I register?

just done dd at 22 months. only took 2 days and she was dry all day and wearing knickers. even at night she's dry if she's up at 7am, wet if it's nearer 8am. lazy mummy here should probably be getting her up a 6.45 or something, but i work late so i don't. she was ready, clutching when she needed a wee etc, and can do her own trousers up and down.

she's now been dry 3 weeks. even asks to go toilet if we're swimming, and managed a 2 hour car journey with no accidents last weekend.

we did 'sweeties for wee wees' and bought fancy knickers etc, so she doesn't want to wee on fifi/upsy daisy etc.

BlueberryPancake,

ECing is a parenting choice like disposable nappies v cloth nappies OR puree weaning v Baby Led Weaning. Not right v wrong or a competition, just an alternative for those who want to use it.

My last two posts were research based quotes, in response to Oblomov "What a load of tosh. At 8 months the sphincter muscles aren't ready yet." comment. I was showing that ECing can and does work if the parent chooses to go down that path.

Don?t forget in the days before Pampers in the 1950?s 95% of children were completely training by 18 months. That is not to say we SHOULD do it at 18 months these days. After all 1950?s mothers were doing this to free themselves of washing and dry terry nappies by hand, a hard manual job, something we do not have to worry about these days with disposables and modern shaped nappies.

As for my daughter the last poo miss was according to my blog was 17th July 07 (it was so unusual I blogged it !!!), I am not sure of when the last wee miss was?I am guessing maybe 3 weeks ago ? Of course now I have said that DD will have one today. But you are right accidents are no big deal every child has accidents, nappies simply stop other people from seeing the accident but the child still has them.

My 20 month old DD hates nappies. She removes them and brings me her pants for me to put on her. When she BSL signs for the toilet, I simply take her to the toilet. I also take her when I go to the bathroom, no extra work.

I am told I am forcing her to grow up by toileting her and keeping her a baby by still breastfeeding her, I can?t win?LOL.

One thing is certain whatever we decide to do as parents, there will always be other parents criticising our choices

Blueberrypancake, google 'elimination communication" and you will find some fascinating articles to help you get to grips with the process.

OK, I get it. I've read the posts and blog and am now aware of ECing. I admire what you are doing, but I suppose I just can't be bothered! It looks like hard work to be honest...

No offence, but I think you sound as if you are trying lead these (very helpful) toilet training discussions into a competition of who did it the youngest. It's a choice - I get it - and it is interesting, but a vast majority of people start it when their children are between 18 months and 3 years old.

I like the idea of the sound making, which came naturally to us with our DS1 when we were potty training him. I will have a go at it with DS2, now 1 year old, and see if it helps when we train him. Very intesting indeed.

BlueberryPancake, ECing is NOT toilet training it is an alternative to traditional toilet training but by defination starts much younger. Most people EC from 12 months at the latest (some start at birth)

As the OP baby is 8 months old, the mother has the choice of starting to EC now or wait until 18 months and do traditional toilet training. Hence this is an apt thread to suggest ECing.

If you look at my past threads I only suggest ECing on threads which are raised on this section with youngish children, where ECing might be a viable option. I wouldn't post on a thread about a 3 year old and say, oh well 2 years ago you could of ECed instead that would be pointless.

BlueberryPancake, Yes, the sounds cues do work well and as your child is just 1 year old, using ECing techiques you should get good clear communication with your DS established very quickly.

We also introduced a BSL sign for 'Toilet'. Well, I used the sign for 'T' and my DD altered it. She points her right index finger into the open left palm. It doesn't matter what sign you use, as long as you both understand it.

Good luck and keep us posted. (Ironically I bet you end up with a totally dry, clean 18 month old...LOL)

ok, if I didnt feel like a shit mother before, I really do now.

HarrogateMum, I don't understand why you feel bad. You know that your DS will self train when he is ready, just like his twin did.

'At 8 months the sphincter muscles aren't ready yet.'
What a load of tosh yourself. Like any muscle if you don't use it it won't work very well. If you go to Africa or Asia people think it unhygeinic and degrading to have babies in nappies at 2, let alone 5. They train their babies from birth and most are dry day and night by age 1. I can't believe their sphincter muscles are differently constructed from western babies'
I also don't understand why everyone believes this much peddled lie, instead of their own mother/grandmother's testimony. They are not just rosy remembrances, if you had to wash (or as a baby, wear) cloth nappies, you would want to get rid of them asap too. Disposables should not be a convenient excuse to put off dealing with a baby's waste. We would be horrified if a care home left old people sitting in their excrement, why is it ok for a baby?
BTW I have tried elimination communication from 8 weeks and have found it very rewarding, and no I do not spend my whole day rushing to the loo, and now dd is weaning I am sooooo glad I don't have to scrape those stodgy poos off her!!!!
To the 'why all the hurry about potty training' crowd I say - would you like to have to poo in your pants all the time, and then wait till someone scraped it off, or sit in your wee and get a rash?

I really wish I had known more aboue EC when I had ds was vaguely aware but know more now and would def do it next time.

DD self trained at 3 with a little push I must admit but dd left to her own devices is the type of child to just do the easy thing. I took her nappy off a couple of days after her 3rd birthday and said how about we use the potty and that was it. I had half heartedly tried before but she wasn't ready so this time I picked it I knew she was. She was literally dry in a day she had 2-3 days with the potty really close by then went onto the toilet through her own asking.

I know someone who potty trained her 15 month dd by the old fashioned you will sit their until you do it method and now at almost 5 the poor little girl still hates pooing and is extremely frightened of doing it. She night trained the same way and would not be told that it would happen and had months of chaning beds EVERY night usually twice a night before she finally was ready.

Phelia I think you are being a bit harsh, why should we hurry to potty ttrain disposables or not. I use cloth and I was in no hurry, why would I want to go through hours, days weeks of training when I picked a time when I knew my child would get it and she did. Neither of my children have to sit in thei own poo for any length of time or their own wee, god ds is a streaker and taes his nappy off at any chance so is not in it long enough.

Some MILs talk a load of shite in my opinion. I bet her kids were all reading at age 2 and never spoke back to her and always ate all their dinner up, too, eh? Potty train when your child shows signs that they are ready. My son didn't show the signs until he was almost 3 yrs old and was completely dry day and night within a fortnight. I was happy with that. I've got a friend who is faffing around with a potty for her 10 mth old and I just think 'Cor blimey, you are in for the long haul, love!'

BabiesEverywhere - thanks for your comment, I had just had a really bad day at work and was feeling rather hard done to - apologies, I was venting on here!

Although Phelia's comments have now left me feeling again as though I am not doing enough! When can I fit it in with three kids/work/husband/house etc.....think I should probably be posting this on the Feeling Depressed section.

HarrogateMum, vent away this is what Mumsnet is for. Sorry to hear you have had a bad day at work.

Phelia's comments are very sharp and that from me who does EC my daughter. ECing is just a choice an option and certainly not compulsary !!!

Sorry didn't mean to sound sharp.
Probably just fed up with being thought a weirdo for not wanting my child in nappies for 3+ years. Totally agree it's a parental choice.
I just wish people would be a bit more open minded about ecing versus potty training - a lot of people on this thread say why bother, it sounds such a hassle, but it's really not - peeing a baby takes no longer than changing a nappy, sometimes less, and I have so many friends who are struggling with potty training with two year olds - surely there are enough tears and tantrums with toddlers without potty training being added to the mix?

Also in response to Blueberrypancake the 'vast majority of toddlers are potty trained between 18 months and 3 years' - this is an entirely western world statistic - you'll find that if you include the rest of the world (which is millions of babies!) the age would be around 1 year.