Nervous to drive with baby

[Snowdrops17]

So I haven't driven anywhere with her on my own yet there's always someone in the back seat with her or I'm in the back seat and DH drives she is 12 weeks now , I'm very nervous of her stopping breathing in the car seat , I've no reason just neurotic first time mom who's done all the reading about if they go chin to chest in car seat and the risk of asphyxiation, my worry is the handle on the car seat obviously has to be left up for safety reasons as it acts as a roll bar in the case of an accident but then it blocks me seeing her in the mirror I have facing her , I have no choice but to do a 30-40 minute drive with her on my own next week is there anything else I can do ?

It is nerve wracking I know but you will get used to it.
Do a few short drives this week, see if you can adjust the mirror so you can see properly. Can you plan to stop halfway on the drive you need to do and get her out for a snuggle?

Can you turn off the airbag of the front seat? If you can put the car seat there. That's what I'm intending to do when my little one is born. Partly because that's the only place the car seat will fit, but also so I can be right there when driving.

How do you think thousands of other people parents manage?

It is horrible the first time but you will be fine. Make sure she isn't too hot and plan plenty of time so you can have a quick stop if you need to and go for it x

I think you are being incredibly over anxious. I only ever sat in the back with my eldest coming home from hospital. I'm sure there is probably a way to reposition the mirror so you can see her too. Try moving it around to different locations

I think you just need to do it. She’s not a newborn she will be fine! I only sat in the back with my eldest on the way back from hospital and I completely forgot wirh my second that that’s what you’re meant to do and automatically sat in the front on the way home- I only realised halfway home!

She’ll be fine. As someone said above thousands of other people are in the same situation and manage. She’s getting to the stage she’ll be better at holding up her own head so the concern about the chin to chest will decrease anyway

Get a mirror to go on the headrest so that you can see the baby's face. Ie you look in the rear view, which has a view of the mirror on the back seat headrest, where you can see the baby (two reflections). I wouldn't describe myself as neurotic as such but I do glance at my baby pretty frequently when I'm driving alone with him. I've never had to stop to resuscitate or rearrange him.

Was your baby premature? If not, she should be able to raise her own head at 12w, can't she?

Ps if there is something in the way of the two reflections thing, just change the baby's seat over to the other back seat, then it won't be in the way any more as the line of sight will be different. Eg behind passenger seat rather than behind driver

Play around with the mirrors, and if needed add another one in so you can see her.
If you can spare the time, leave much earlier than you need to for your journey and then if you find you are getting too anxious, you can find somewhere to pull over safely and get out to check on her.

You need to try a few practice runs to help calm your nerves - just once around the block is a good place to start. We all have anxieties, some are more extreme than others, it's ok to admit to them - but don't let them hold you back. Have a wee practice today and build up from there. The first step is always the hardest! Good luck!

At 12 weeks she's not a tiny floppy newborn anymore and so the asphyxiation risks have already lessened.

Personally I turn my front airbag off and put my 4 month old belted in their infant carrier in the front passenger seat which is much easier for keeping an eye on them and comforting where necessary. If that isn't possible then play around with your positioning and mirrors so you can get a better view.

They'll be absolutely fine though, many thousands of babies are driven around without issue every day.

I felt exactly the same as you but short drives and building up to longer journeys, plus a mirror really helped me!
I don't think it's safe to put the baby in the front though...

You and baby will be ok!

@shardlakem It is safe to have a baby in the front as long as they're rear facing, in an appropriate car seat and the air bag is off.
I've spent hours looking at this, I can't get a car seat to fit in my back seat, so I have no choice.
https://www.carseat.se/2010/05/28/are-car-seats-in-front-seat-safe/
If your going to be worrying about the baby and distracted by looking in them in mirrors, then a quick glance next to you will be safer than complicated mirrors. Plus knowing you can reach over if things go wrong.

Get a bigger better mirror and turn it portrait if it helps. I could usually get it so I could see and bar didn't get in the way (Maxi-Cosi and Cybex). But I didn't worry, I just made sure they were in their car seats for the minimum time possible but when we had to go places they had to go in the car seat and nobody was in the back with them.

I had a special mirror that attached to the windscreen separate to the rear view mirror so I could see DC in the back. I started on a few short drives to the local supermarket etc (20 minutes max) until I felt comfortable being on my own with them. They talk my ear off now so I'd know if anything happened!

I'll have a look for that mirror thank you x

Try putting the mirror on the middle seat headrest instead or angling it differently so the handle doesn't block the view. It's easiest if you can sit in the driver's seat and get someone to adjust the mirror so you can say left a bit - right a bit etc.

Also a lot of car seats you can put the hood down but keep the handle up. Look for little hooks to see if you can do this.

Agree she is very unlikely to asphyxiate in the car seat - this isn't something that happens instantly, it usually happens when people use the car seat as a bed e.g. use it for naps in the house (it's fine to let them finish off a car sleep in the seat if it would disturb them to take them out, just keep the straps done up), or when the baby has been in the seat for hours and hours. This is basically because the effect builds up over time. And even then, it's very rare. I used to know someone who did actually use the car seat for overnight sleep as her baby had reflux and she reckoned it was the only way he would sleep. I worried about it so much but the baby was fine! (I am not advocating for this as a practice - just pointing out even if you do it "wrong" it's not a 100% chance of something going badly).

I was actually looking at studies about this the other day and basically as long as the baby is strapped into the car seat properly, the risk of them spending up to an hour in the seat is basically 0. From 1-2 hours the risk increases slightly - there aren't any studies looking past 2 hours.

If you are struggling with anxiety which is actually stopping you from doing things, have a word with GP or HV as it could be postnatal anxiety.

Just got to do it. I first drove DD1 when she was one week old, as I knew that I could make excuses forever. Your daughter will be fine; she's much more robust now at three months than she was as a new born. Good luck!