What's your parenting/life philosophy?

[TeenyTinyTorya]

I'm fairly new to Mumsnet, but I have noticed that there seem to be so many widely varying styles of parenting and ways of life represented on the forums. I thought it might be quite interesting to do a thread about what our individual views on things are, not as a "my way is better than your way", but just to see the diversity of parenting approaches. Sorry if it's been done before! I'll start

I'm best described as a wannabe lentil-weaver - I have all the ideas but none of the money or time!

Food - I would like to have breast-fed, and that will be my first option next time if it's possible. I make all my own baby food and prefer to stay away from refined sugars and additives. I'm reasonably relaxed about the odd treat though, I don't want to make sweets into a big thing by banning them completely.

Parenting approach - I'm fairly relaxed about things, and I like the Montessori approach where young children learn to do things for themselves. I encourage independence. I don't believe in smacking or any kind of physical punishment, and I prefer reasoning and talking through a situation. I try to understand bad behaviour from the child's point of view. Mind you, my ds is only 1, so a lot of my childcare experience has been with other people's children - I may find it harder when I have a terrible two of my own to deal with! I like reading lots of stories, simple wooden toys with plenty of imaginative play value, and the great outdoors. I don't like TV as a babysitter, but I caved into a dummy when ds was 2 days old

Lifestyle - I'm an ex-home-educated kid myself, and am very into home-education, although I don't know if this will happen with ds. I don't think much of nurseries, even I trained as a nursery nurse. I find Glenn Doman and John Holt very interesting. I used cloth nappies for a few months, but my current lifestyle doesn't lend itself well to them. I recycle, and try to be eco-friendly, although there is always room for improvement! I like babywearing, and prefer not to use a pram. It's no fun being stuck in a crowd! I would describe myself as a full-time SAHM and a full-time actor - I am lucky enough to be able to fit the two together. I'd love to have a big family.

Oh shit you're brave... It's going to turn into "my way is better" you know that don't you? That's half the fun on MN

Oh I hope not! I hope I'm not being incredibly naive, but I think it would be really interesting to see the wealth of parenting experience that is out there, and the contrast and diversity of people's approaches. If it does get all shrieky then I'm bowing out!

good luck

welcome to the mad mad world of MN TTT.

ok..

my way is quite authoritarian, as in believing that you guide the kid towards respectful behaviour to other people, whilst letting them develop. I breastfed till 1 year, never gave commercial babyfood, don't believe in kids being fussy about food but think they should get the best, I definitely believe in setting firm standards for behaviour, routines so the kid knows where they are.

I think it's very much how you were brought up yourself, and to what extent you want to replicate it or fight it...

Sit down, shut up, and bloody listen, because I am in charge.
(But also breastfeeding for years,boiling up mountains of lentils and passing on cloth nappies.)

Don't feel that philosophies are incompatible.

Oh well, never mind lol!

I used to go on another forum, and I know if I'd posted on there it would have turned into a bear pit, but I thought MN seemed a little more intelligent and capable of debate. Having looked at some of the threads in active convos I'm not so sure now...

Torya,never take anthing you hear on Mn seriously and give as good as yuo get. Like this,you will get on fine.

Thanks for the advice Moondog

and remember everyone is right, express your views and listen and never flounce.

Ah sorry are you intiating?

'Scuse me.

[did you tell her about the fruit shoots yet?]

Welcome TTT

I follow Roseanne Barr - if DC alive at the end of the day then I've done my job.

Welcome to MN TeenyTinyTorya, I'm very nosy and looked t your profile, ypur son is gorgeous.

I'm way to tired to type anything that makes sense at the moment.

Thanks Pablop!

I don't know what the story is behind the fruit shoots, but they are the most disgusting drink I have ever tasted

I'm not sure what's wrong with fruit shoots, I just get the message from mn that they are really bad! Think they have some horrible additive thats bad for kids in?? Sure somebody will let us know soon.

Nah it's the sugar substitute thing (which I cant spell) gives rats brain tumors... Sugar rules in this household

Yeah, can someone tell me what the Frootshoot thing is? People mention them all the time on here?

I'm a bean eating, 2nd-hand-cloth nappy using, breastfeeding, composting, recycling, simple living lentil weaver. I'm a strong Christian. I strive for a parenting approach based on unconditional love - so if ds turns out to be an eco-disaster athiest, I'll do my darndest to be ok with that! And I think my parenting is mainly based on setting a good example, and the idea that pointless rules are pointless but the few that there are (mainly based on 'respect others and the planet') are really important.

I am glad that I am not the only one who doesn't know what a fruit shoot is-I have seen them metioned a lot and haven't a clue what it is!

I thought it was quite brave to start this topic! It is a bit difficult to answer because it changes with the age of the DC. I would like to stress that it is my philosophy, it suits me and I am not saying that it is better or would suit everyone (I don't want to start on SAHM/WOHM).

I believe that you can't go far wrong if you give unconditional love, security and a good start in life. I bf and was at home for the first 5 years. I give a balanced, healthy diet but don't freak out at the odd chocolate bar or McDonalds. I like them to get lots of exercise.
I think routines are good, I always had set bedtimes when they were younger and always a bedtime story. I think boredom stimulates their own imagination and a cardboard box and old sheet is better than an expensive toy, I strongly believe in the magic of childhood-Father Christmas etc.
I am lenient on some things but immoveable on others, two important ones being :I will not have TVs in the bedroom and expect them to treat others as they wish to be treated.
As they get older it is gradually letting go. I want them to make up their own minds about things and not follow peer pressure. I also want them exposed to all sorts of opinions so that they can make up their own minds which might be completely different to mine.I want them to have opportunities to try all sorts of things and try not to worry or pass on my apprehension when they choose to rock climb etc.
When they eventually leave home I want them to come and see me because they want to spend time with me and not through a sense of duty. I want them to look back on their childhood with happiness.

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What is a fruit shoot?

I'm very much a 'do as you would be done by' person and my parenting reflects this. I'm very strict about behaviour that affects other people - no shouting in the street, no running on other people's gardens, apologise immediately for any wrong-doing, sharing is a must, clear up after yourself and don't expect others to do it for you, etc. My parenting mantras are 'this too will pass' and 'pick your battles carefully' which always remind me to put things in perspective, endure what I can't change and not make a fuss over things that, long-term, don't matter.

I do have some 'standards' that others would find ridiculous and I'm well aware that some of them are contradictory (refuse point blank to take the DCs to Macdonalds but will allow them burger and chips in the local pub with a soft play area - illogical, I know!).

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My l9ife philosophy is 'don't sweat the small stuff', most of all, this applies to everything, not ujst my parenting.

I try to live in the now, there is no point worrying about the future or harping on about the past, we only have now so we might as well focus on it.

Take risks in life.

Be a boring mum so DS doesn't become dependant on me for entertainment. Teach DS independance rather than doing things for him that he could otherwise do for himself.

Involve DS in all decision-making and let him have control over his life.

Be chilled. Life's too short to get wound up, angry, upset etc. etc.

Food-wise, my philosophy is there is no such thing as bad food, just a bad diet, everything in moderation apart from fruit and veg.

That's it really, welcome to MN Torya!

Live and Let Live, fashions and ideas about parenting, feeding and sleeping etc all come and go in cycles but humans enjoy choosing something that they believe reflects well on them so that their 'parenting style' will draw admiring glances from others - or maybe it is just that 'Vanity, Vanity, all is Vanity....' At least it is for me [sceptical]