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Original poster

My son got hit by a car when he was 9

20 replies

Pepper3112 · 29/08/2024 23:11

My son got hit by a car when he was 9 in our little village when crossing the road from school I was over the road and saw it happen even though I tried to shout him that there was a car coming the other way as another driver let him cross, he wasn’t hurt as the driver that hit him was going slow he hit the bonnet. He is now 12 and I still feel like the worst mum ever like this doesn’t happen to normal mums and the constant regret of letting him cross the road. How can I get rid of this feeling of constantly wanting to make up for it.

OP posts:
Gamjs · 29/08/2024 23:19

I was hit by a car at the same age- no serious injuries. Sounds a similar situation. I never thought it was my parents fault but it taught me to be careful crossing any road and in later life I’m sure it’s improved my driving as I’m super cautious coming out of junctions. At 9 he should have known to take care crossing a road and it’s no where near your fault . You have nothing to feel bad about. Accidents happen!

bergamotorange · 29/08/2024 23:23

Have you ever had therapy? You might benefit from something like EMDR because seeing that would have been very frightening.

This definitely happens to many mums. I'm really glad the car was travelling slowly.

EmeraldRoses · 29/08/2024 23:25

It's not your fault! You did nothing wrong !

Blue78ivy · 29/08/2024 23:27

You seem traumatised seek support honestly talking about it helps, there is nothing more you could have done to change the outcome sometimes things happen beyond our control and by speaking you can come to terms with it, i genuinely understand i had my brother who was only a toddler i was probably 8 or nine he got out of the car while we went see relatives and got hit by a car coming down the street and he fractured his leg i still think i should have come out the the car first

Cece92 · 29/08/2024 23:28

I was hit by a car similar age except the guy kirbed the pavement and took me down. I do laugh about it now as I was really upset my friends brand new bike he let me try was mangled. The guy drove off and then stopped assuming he seen me in his wing mirror and my 2 friends witnessed it and my mum seen it from the living room as it was right out side. Nothing like 3 dislocated elbows and 2 mangled knees ey 😂 xxxx

CherrySocks · 29/08/2024 23:34

Don't waste your mental energy thinking about something that happened three years ago, and which didn't injure your son at the time. Just teach him the safest way to cross the road. Focus on more interesting things for his future - hobbies, skills, holidays, pets, books. Help your son to look forward, to grow and develop. Do fun things together.

SomeFinElse · 29/08/2024 23:40

Oh bless you, OP. I really feel for you - it must’ve been so traumatic and sounds like you’re in such a terrible state of misplaced self-blame.

You did nothing wrong my lovely. Absolutely nothing. And the fact that you’re worrying whether you’re a good mum shows in itself that you ARE a good mum (shit or negligent mums never worry whether theyre good enough).

I actually have a phobia of crossing roads, and have intrusive worries about my children being hit by a vehicle… it’s really limiting and I’ve been having EMDR… I can only imagine how awful it was for you to witness this exact thing happening. I really recommend some EMDR to deal with that trauma, so that it’s less of a dreadful thing for you to be carrying round with you.

Sending you a hug 💐

Goldbar · 29/08/2024 23:53

You did nothing wrong. There comes a point at which you have to stop holding your child's hand the whole time when you're near a road and trust them to be reasonably alert and careful. You and your DS were unlucky.

YouLookLikeStevieNicks · 29/08/2024 23:58

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 35 and reading this post just reminded me that I got hit by a car when I was 11. I think I'd actually forgot! Haven't thought about it for years. Didn't cause me any lasting trauma and I certainly didn't blame my parents.

MrsAvocet · 29/08/2024 23:59

I'd also suggest you consider EMDR. I had PTSD after a car crash and was referred for it. To be honest I thought it sounded like a load of rubbish and though I agreed to go I had no real expectations of it. But it really worked. I have no idea how it works, but it seems to for many people so I would say it is worth trying.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/08/2024 00:09

Op, I think you are suffering from PTSD. Even though your son ended up being fine, what you witnessed was absolutely horrifying and one of every parents worst nightmares. Those seconds/minutes of terror permanently etched themselves into your brain. I really think you should seek professional help so you can put this to rest.

Haroldwilson · 30/08/2024 06:50

This is your brain saying 'something terrible nearly happened there and you must learn a lesson of what went wrong so it doesn't happen again' but it wasn't your fault, bad things just happen sometimes and in this case there was no harm.

It's really hard to live with the reality that there's no guarantee things will be ok all the time, and it's random and out of our hands. It's much more reassuring to think it must be our own fault as then it's under our control.

Try some therapy, I imagine you'd start talking about it then have a good bawl and let out some of the trauma you've been holding.

BananaGrapeMelon · 30/08/2024 06:52

My brother was hit by a car when he was a couple of years older than that. He's now a healthy 51 year old!

LostittoBostik · 30/08/2024 07:03

My DD is 7 and she had to be admitted to hospital at 3 weeks old due to a severe belly button infection. I still feel like the most useless parent ever. It's a trauma response, to help you as a parent be hyper vigilant to risk. Therapy will help.

sixtiesbaby88 · 30/08/2024 07:13

Slightly off track but this is why you shouldn't really wave people, esp children across a road. It really wasn't your fault OP, I can imagine it was awful for you

napody · 30/08/2024 07:18

sixtiesbaby88 · 30/08/2024 07:13

Slightly off track but this is why you shouldn't really wave people, esp children across a road. It really wasn't your fault OP, I can imagine it was awful for you

Totally agree with this- my daughter is starting walking to school without an adult next week and it's the number one thing I've drummed into her 'just because someone waves you across, doesn't mean you have to do it! If you're not sure the road is clear, wave THEM on!'. It's hard as kids are so programmed to obey adults!

greengreyblue · 30/08/2024 07:22

Drivers who do this are not helping kids. I see it all the time and the kids just step out as pp says, they are polite and do what an adult says.
OP it was an accident but try to speak to a counsellor- talking therapy.

ItsAShame2 · 30/08/2024 07:50

It wasn’t your fault - it was the driver who stopped for him’s unintentional fault. This almost happened to me once - I stopped for a kid who was nervous crossing the road and I thought I was the only moving car on the street. A car raced down behind me and started to go around me at speed (street next to the school!!) I tell you I was horrified when I saw them racing up in my rear view mirror and realised they were not going to stop behind me - I imagined this kids life flashing before my eyes. I think I managed to get him to stop walking infront of my by beeping my horn loudly. I was very shaken as was the kid - I learnt the lesson that day and now I never stop for kids alone trying to cross the road. They are too small coming out onto a road for other cars to see them coming out behind a car and they don’t have to road awareness to check the other lane.
Not your fault at all

Aparecium · 30/08/2024 08:45

I posted this on a similar thread recently:

Years ago I accidentally shut my toddler's fingers in a door that locked behind us. It was truly hideous, yet I'm not going to give any more info because I don't want to come across as finding excuses or mitigation. It happened. I did it. I felt dreadfully guilty at the time. But I also know that I did my best in looking after my child throughout the incident and after. And that I did a good job.

It's never been a secret in the family. There are plenty of photos with the dc's hand bandaged. The dc recovered fully, and the story of how mum trapped their fingers became part of our family legend. Through that openness and acceptance the horrible, distressing memory has been completely detoxified.

Own what happened. Accept it. Recognise that you are still a good enough mother. And move on.

I think it's much harder for you because so much time has passed that your distress has become deeply ingrained. You can't just own it and move on. I agree that some talking therapy would help. But can you see that none of us judge you? We all recognise that such accidents and such emotions are a normal post of parenting.

Aparecium · 30/08/2024 08:48

And can I just add that you (unlike me) were not the cause of the accident. You actively tried to prevent it. Hold on to that thought.

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