Drifting apart from child

[kalsgirl237]

Hi I have a 4 year old girl soon to be 5.. and a newborn boy.. me and her father seperated 9 months ago and since then he's always taken her mostly from me keeping her with him all day returning her very late to me.. and keeping her some nights.. I feel like my daughter and I are drifting away and I'm not sure what to do anymore to maintain a bond, she's my first born and it absolutely crushes me.. when she stays with me she's very quiet and reserved and from what I hear and see she's very happy to be around her dad and his family. Obviously this is heartbreaking because I want a close relationship with my girl and don't want it to be like this. We don't have much time together because her father deliberately takes her from me and she runs of with him too. Any advise please

Do you not have a regular schedule of when she goes over there?
How often is she with him? And you?

@purpleme12 she's with him most days during the week because he turns up to pick her up and even when I say no my little one wants to go to her dad and starts to throw a tantrum

You need to speak to him then and sort out a schedule and put your foot down

Depending on where you live, does she start school in September?

Time to get tough. Agree a 50:50 schedule and stick to it.

If he refuses to comply then you will need to try mediation or go to court.

Don't let him walk all over you.

Let your daughter n is what the plan is and stick to it. Do not allow him to dictate what happens.

The last sentence should read 'let your daughter know what the plan is'.

Haven't you built this relationship with her since birth?
When is he planning on taking your newborn?
There's no need for you to let him undermine your relationship with either of the kids.
Do you have a court order?

Let him throw a tantrum. There’s no court order so he can’t just take her if you don’t agree to it. Before he comes to pick her up, text him and say, I am spending the day with DD today so don’t come to pick her up. Then leave the house with the children and take her somewhere fun. Don’t be there when he comes to pick her up. If he turns up, that’s his problem. You won’t be there. And if he sends you abusive messages immediately call the police and report him for domestic abuse. It sounds like he is an abusive man who is trying to alienate you from your daughter, something abusive men do. It’s time to fight back. I would speak to a lawyer about getting a contact arrangement in place and make sure it’s at least 50/50. If he won’t agree then go to court. Mediation isn’t recommended where domestic abuse is present. And when you’re with your daughter, make it super fun and bond with her. Do things you know she will enjoy, even if it’s just at home and doesn’t have to be fancy. Children just want to be loved, so give her all your love and stand up to this man for the sake of your relationship with your daughter. She needs her mum too. Speak to women’s aid for advise and support and read this book

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

Let us know how you get on.