Too scared to tell husband about pregnancy no2

[Stillinshock123]

Hello,
Sorry if this post sounds a bit rambling.. I’m still in shock.
We have a 12 month old. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with baby no2.
I’m just worried re broaching it with my husband (obviously I’m going to tell him) but I’m not sure if I’m ready for baby no2 so soon. My body is still recovering as well as my mind, and I’ll feel guilty re not giving baby no1 all my attention.
We have used protection and so this is a massive shock. I just know my husband is so against abortion as an option.
I know some people on here will be too- so please before you attack me I’m not saying I don’t want this pregnancy but I am so scared of not doing right by another baby and the baby we currently have.
Any advice or thoughts? Anyone else ever been in a similar situation did it end up okay? Thanks

Give yourself time to process it. There are a few things to think about. You can get counselling around what you want to do.

Firstly, it’s ok to be worried.
How do you feel about him having such opinions about your body and your medical choices?Please understand, I’m actually against abortion FOR ME. I wouldn’t dream of expecting someone else to go through a pregnancy they didn’t want to.

What are you worried about? Do you think he’ll be angry that you are pregnant but still want to keep it? Or is it ‘only’ that he’ll pressure you to keep it whether you want to or not?

Or is it actually just that you aren’t ready, but it will be fine when you get over the shock.

All these things are ok to worry about. It’s ok.

How do you feel about him having such opinions about your body and your medical choices?
I wonder this too OP? It's OK not to tell him until you're sure of your own feelings and what you want to do. Can you lean on friends or family for emotional support? If its not the right time for you then you have to prioritise your own health and wellbeing and the baby you already have. Sending you good wishes ❤️

I’d second taking some time to get used to it before telling him. If this is an unexpected and unplanned baby it will take some time to process.

Why are you scared of telling him? What reaction are you worried about.

You do not need to have the baby if you do not want to. I know it would be really tough, but you do have options.

You can also tell him by letter, including your worries, so he has time to react and you don’t need to see it.

So write a brief note and hand it over explaining you’re taking dc out for a walk.

Something like-
I have some news but I have really mixed feelings and need you to be calm.
I am not sure I’m ready to have another baby. We aren’t ready because x,y,z.
I may not continue the pregnancy.
OR I am not thrilled about being pregnant and worry how well cope. Please be positive with me and on my side while we work out what to do.

Writing the note will give you a chance to clarify how you feel and what you’re worried about as well.

Pregnancy aside, @Stillinshock123 , are you happy?
Is being anxious specifically about being pregnant or are you generally unhappy with your home situation?
You don’t need to feel trapped, if that’s how you feel.

Thank you for your compassionate response.

I am worried as I know he will try persuade us to keep. And like you say I may just need time to process but my body and especially my mind took a massive hit with the last pregnancy it’s taken me a year to start to even feel remotely human and some days I still struggle with fatigue and exhaustion, I just think I struggle to cope with one baby I can’t even imagine how I’ll handle another one and a toddler !

Thank you both, I like the note idea.

I think he’ll be thrilled.. but realistically he works full time. I work PT 30 hours 8-6 3 days and I’m at home more of the time than he is.
He is a really good father.. not the best partner in terms of household stuff/organising things and cleaning so often I feel like the cleaner/organiser etc. He sometimes is a bit unrealistic with the practicalities of things and takes an ‘it’ll be alright in the end’ kind of approach.

and, if I’m honest My mental health is struggling as I’m adjusting to motherhood and going back to work.
Some days I just cry loads, other days I’m so overjoyed and in love with baby no1. So I guess I’m scared on how another pregnancy will impact me/us.

Just to say - not sure how helpful this is but I was postponing pregnancy no 2 for 4 years because I was scared I'll have same sickness etc. Needless to say there was no morning sickness with pregnancy no 2. Now I wish I had them closer in age as they would play together & I'd be out of nappies stage.

I agree with the previous advice- take your time to process it before you share the information with your DH.

also 30h is almost full time, I'd be splitting chores with DH or hiring a cleaner

i've had the opposite of @ChilledMama85, so I guess that goes to show how unpredictable it all is... really easy first pregnancy, much harder second one.

Process the news, let it sit with you for a bit, and then think about your decision. You can involve him down the line. It's lovely that he'll be excited but it's not necessarily the right decision for you right now and that's okay.

To be honest, @Stillinshock123 he's not a good father if you can write "He is a really good father.. not the best partner in terms of household stuff/organising things and cleaning so often I feel like the cleaner/organiser" All that stuff is part of being a good father.

Yes I know this, and this definitely feeds my anxiety with another pregnancy and feeling burnt out. However, I love him and don’t want to leave the marriage..

If you choose to go ahead- and it will be tricky if you don’t as you’ll either need to keep it a secret, or you will need to live with him potentially holding it against you- if you do, you’ll need him to step up. Not to promise to but to actually do it.

He’ll need to be proactive arranging a cleaner, or doing all the cooking and shopping, or some other actual practical supports. Think of things that would help you feel you are coping. Speak to the GP about how you feel and whether you need medication. Get your iron and vit d checked etc.

Look at extended family support. Can someone take you out for a coffee every week or take the baby for an afternoon every week?

I was sick as a dog with pregnancy 2, having left a big gap due to pregnancy 1 being equally awful. Mil came over two afternoons a week while I slept. DS went to a childminder two days a week.

He needs to understand the implications, and what you will need to get through given that you aren’t in the best health now.