Preparing toddler for another baby

[Cluelessfirstimer]

Just found out I'm pregnant.

It's still very early and obviously anything can happen but I'm a little freaked out how my toddler will feel.

He's 26 months. Will be nearly 3 when baby is born
He is a very loving little boy, generally adapts to new environments well if me or DP are there. Goes to nursery 4 days a week and is ok with it. Has good days and bad days really in the sense of loving it and crying when I leave.

Anyone with a similar age gap? Was it all OK? How did you prepare your toddler?

High emotions about it so please be kind
My main priority is him so need some positive stories

It’ll be fine. Stop stressing

Lots of ideas in this book

The Second Baby Book by Sarah Ockwell Smith

Thanks - I'll take a look at that book

3 years is a lovely age gap. Congratulations. Be positive and talk about our baby and encourage him to be involved as much as he’d like. Don’t believe people who say not to be holding the baby when they meet etc…to me, the baby being part of the family helped a lot and we didn’t have jealousy.
From about 20 weeks we spoke about it… and took the lead of the toddler.

Thank you lovely! 🩷 so nice to hear that and some great advice

I was honest that the baby was going to take a lot of my time and attention but that it would only be for a short while and that baby would soon grow and be a friend to play with. We did have some jealousy in the early months but they're great friends now.
I also reminded toddler that they were always my baby too and always will be even when they grow old.
I showed pics and videos of them as a baby too. I also remind toddler how much fun it is now they're older and get to do things like eat chocolate and play on the playground and that babies can't do any of that.

I think toddlers have an internal struggle between being a baby vs big boy / girl and its important to support them with both and also if they're showing a preference to one or the other lean into that.

Ds1 was 2yrs 9mths when DS2 was born. He was fabulous and really loved having a baby brother. I don’t remember him ever being jealous, the only time I struggled was when both of them were crying and I didn’t know who to go to first. I remember when his preschool teacher came to do her home visit and was cuddling DS2, DS1 was hovering around her saying ‘You can’t have him, he’s our baby,’ and was quite relieved when she gave him back to me.
The memories from when DS2 was a baby and DS1 was at preschool are some of my favourite.
One piece of advice given to me was not to tell the older child about the baby too soon. 9
months is an eternity in the life of a three year old and they get fed up waiting.

My ds1 was 2yrs 1month when ds2 was born so my experience may not be so relevant.

I did find it helpful to read a book to ds1 about what would happen when the new baby came (it was called "the new baby" it's an old Usbourne book but they probably still do it or you can find similar)

Also found it helpful to refer to the baby by its name or a nickname (we didn't know what we were having so let ds1 choose a nickname) and then explained how that baby would come and live with us and introduced ds1 to ds2 using that name so he understood this was the baby in my belly.

Ds1 did not want to talk to or look at the baby at first which was fine and we didn't push it. After the 2nd day he came around and had a look, stroked his face etc, we read books together and tried to do things that I could do while breastfeeding so we all spent time together.

Oh! We also found it helpful to get ds1 involved on some things like choosing an outfit for his new brother to wear when they first met. Or getting ds2 clothes with things ds1 liked on them (eg: dinosuars/ aninals/ cartoon characters.) And talked about how ds2 would like to learn about those things and maybe ds1 could show him his toy with that thing on it etc.

Important not to get outfits or things ds1 would be jealous of though

We used to say to our toddler DS1 that there was a baby coming to live at our house. But he was only 15 months when I got pregnant with DS2 and just two when the baby arrived. We didn't have any issues but that's probably mostly to do with DS1's laid back personality.

I believe making a huge deal about it and talking about it very frequently can backfire spectacularly. Little children can't process what you having a baby really means. I kept it light, mentioned very occasionally and didn't put any pressure on my eldest to choose things, names, etc. It worked and they were in love the second they laid eyes on their sibling.

My son will be 3.5 when our second arrives. We've been reading Pirate Pete's "I'm a new big brother" to him over the weeks and he's really excited about being a brother!