Mothers abusive relationship
My Mom has been in a toxic, abusive relationship for over 20 years. Together her and this man have cheated on each other, gone through serious periods of alcohol abuse, he has been violent and she has been verbally/emotionally abusive towards him. My Mom is resentful and will use awful words chipping away at his self esteem etc. He has been violent towards her and us (her children). As a child he was emotionally and physically abusive towards me. I decided to have nothing to do with him as soon as I left home. However, my Mom has always chosen to stay with him, even after pressing charges against him for some of his abusive behaviour. As a result, my siblings have all moved far away to different countries whilst I have somehow landed back in hometown with my Mom a 3 minute drive away. However, I am moving in a few months so will be a 45 minute drive away.
I love my Mom. She’s made some horrific choices in her life but through counselling and time I have learnt to move on, for myself and my life more than anything. I have always had rules with my Mom around my children. For example - she comes to me and they have never gone to her house. She does not take them out of the house alone so either me or DH go with her. It’s very sad but this is my way of protecting my children whilst still allowing my Mom to have a relationship with them. My Mom adores them, especially my firstborn DD.
Recently things seem to be bubbling between my Mom and her partner. So much so he has recently been drinking a lot more (he’s an alcoholic anyway) and told her he would kill her if she ever tried to leave him. I’m again worried for my Mom’s safety. She recently asked if she could move with us which we are doing in a few months and I have said no becoase I cannot risk my children being dragged into the drama and potentially put them at risk. I feel terrible. I want to help her but I cannot imagine putting my children through what I went through as a child. The thought of him ever knowing where I live makes me on edge and anxious (I suffer with anxiety in recent years) I really hope this is it though. She has said things like this before and she has slipped back into old ways with him.
I have thought about giving her money but I do not have enough for what she’d need to restart a new life for herself. Siblings have said no against us chipping in together.
Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how I can help my Mom whilst staying away from any potential blow up between them? It’s a ticking time bomb but I’d love her to be free from him once and for all.
Thanks in advance!