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Parenting

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Partner doesn’t want to come out with me and toddler

10 replies

lemondrops4 · 26/08/2024 21:05

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much so I really need to ask.
my partner and I have been together 14 years, we both wanted a child. Now he pulls his weight at home with the parenting, does bedtime, cooks etc. plays with her.

we both work full time. But on the weekends or when we are both off, he will not come out with us. He’s not interested in going for walks, to the park, to the zoo, for lunch out, days out in general etc. so since our child has been a baby I have been going out alone which I’ve found tbh really hard, it’s nice having someone with you it makes things easier. If I don’t have friends or family to go out with it’s me and my dd.

At the weekends all he wants to do is go out to the football or watch it, pub with friends (this isn’t often so not an issue) or if he does take dd out, I feel like it’s only when he benefits like a day festival where there’s alcohol but this is so rare. we sometimes have the odd bbq in the summer, that’s the only thing we do all together outside the home. When I’ve really needed a break he’s taken her out for an hour on his own. But it’s not often.

we very rarely go out as a family and it’s really getting me down.

is this ok?? If I didn’t take her to all these places she’d rarely go out. He’s a hard worker and they are very close but I’m getting so fed up being the one who goes out alone, and feeling like the pressure is on me to do the soft plays etc, even though I don’t mind, but I feel jealous seeing parents out doing simple things like a walk with their child. I also feel he’s missing out on some lovely memories.

I’ve raised this countless times but he doesn’t see the issue so it doesn’t make a difference. He just doesn’t want to as he’s not interested.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/08/2024 21:44

It's not ok, why does he get an all day break and you only get an hour?
Saturdays are yours Sundays are his , for childcare?

Ask him 'if I left you over this how would you cope with every other weekend, or would you not bother?'

NuffSaidSam · 26/08/2024 21:47

If you've told him what you've said here and he can't see the issue/can't do it just because you'd like him to then I'd re-evaluate your relationship.

I think it's very odd behaviour tbh.

pikkumyy77 · 26/08/2024 21:51

Not much of a partner, really.

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BeautifulCoffeeMug · 26/08/2024 21:53

He is being selfish and unfair. He wanted a child and now he has a family and should be enjoying life as a family. Yes sometimes it’s not the most exciting but it’s a different phase of life. He is being really mean to make you do everything alone. Why have a child if you don’t want to spend time with them.

The occasional day to do something different is needed for every parent but he shouldn’t just opt out.

PartyOFive · 26/08/2024 22:04

It's not OK. Apart from the unequal load, like you say he's missing out on so many memories. It's a cliche but the young years are so short in the scheme of things and even if the days out seem hard or boring to him they are filled with moments you don't get back. Have you tried to talk to him in those terms, about what he is missing?

Somehowgirl · 26/08/2024 22:06

Desperately sad. Why wouldn't he want to?

lemondrops4 · 26/08/2024 22:12

It makes me sad when I’m out with her and she discovers something new and gets excited and he’s not there to see it. I’ve tried saying this. It doesn’t register. He does work a physically demanding job so he wants to relax as he’s tired, and I get it, it’s so relentless sometimes, but I work full time too and sometimes I’m desperate for a break. Thing is id feel it was a break if he came with us so it’s not me constantly getting stuff ready and lugging stuff out and all I want is to make memories as a family. I know we do at home but there’s more than just being at home together. I will try again.

OP posts:
Ahwig · 26/08/2024 22:19

My dad worked shifts and also played and ran football teams so wasn't available for time at the swings on Sundays as he was playing football or watching his teams. However he would regularly take me out on a daddy daughter day, just us two. It gave my mum a break and I have such happy memories of those days. We did different things, cinema, museums, concerts, Tower of London, funfairs, ballet, the seaside, obviously age appropriate, so Mary poppins at the cinema at 4 nutcracker suite ballet 6 etc.
Mum could have come but probably enjoyed a day to herself. He also passed on his love of reading and read to me a lot. We could both spends hours in a good book shop.

StormingNorman · 26/08/2024 22:27

If he doesn’t want to go out and you need to share the childcare, can you have a day at home together?

Did he like going out before DC was born?

RickiRaccoon · 26/08/2024 22:55

I suppose it's good that he pulls his weight with childcare at home. I might understand a little bit why he doesn't want to go out: my husband always wants to go somewhere on weekends (and on holidays) and I feel like I have to pull him back because of the expense and effort combined with the chores and DIY that don't get done if we're out and about at every opportunity.

We do go out at least one day a week. It's part of being a parent and a family. I'd tell you husband it's important to you so he needs to suck it up and do a family outing for an hour or two a week. It's not that long and it's (usually!) fun when you do it. There must be some activity he wants to do.

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