Please, just give advice or support 💔

[Violet26x]

Maybe someone can give me some advice on how to cope - I’m struggling so much, long story cut short, I’ve finally found the courage to report my ex for DV they are charging him, and told me his charges ect, he lives in another country right now so he still hasn’t been arrested, I haven’t had an update and my anxiety is through the roof, I’ve had safety measures put into my house, alarms, cameras all given for free - he is still emailing me daily trying to speak to our child, I have stopped contact and waiting on an appointment with my solicitor to sort that side out, but have been told by resilient families and the police to cut ALL contact even with my child - he is a coercive, nasty bully and in every email he whole demeanour is completely different, some days ‘really sorry’ other days nasty, other days very formal!

Every time an email comes through I feel sick, worried and it triggers me - I know I’ve done the right thing but I feel so godamn guilty and I don’t know why, I’ve only said the truth, my story, my darkest of days have been spoken about constantly, and I’m struggling. I don’t even know what I want from this post - but maybe just some advice on how to deal with the anxiety and stress of it all.

You have been very brave OP. Jjust support. There will be better days to come.

You may need to tell your employer if you think you may need extra protection - like not to let anyone resembling him come in (unlikely if he is in another country) or take time off to sort this out. Take each day as it comes. Surround yourself with good people, block his email and number, change yours if possible.

Thank you! I don’t feel very brave, I feel weaker than when I was enduring the abuse, I think it’s the embarrassment and guilt for staying with him for so long. He could turn up, I meant to say county, rather than country - he likes across the border it’s only about 5 hours away.

He tries to email me about this or child, my father acted as a third party and informed him not to contact me and that I would correspond with a solicitor or mediator (I cannot attend mediation anyways) he is still ruining my life, I am more worried about the well being of my child, I have emails where he threatens to tell my child when he ‘has her’ that I’m a monster and how much of a bad person I am. Our child is having therapy due to what she witnessed and what she’s been playing by ect, I feel like this worst person.

Can you block his emails? Or change email address and close tht account?

Nah you are not the worst person, although these horrible people have a way of making you feel that way. Stop him contacting you. Block his email. Block all emails from unknown senders in case he uses another one. Don’t answer phone to unknown numbers.

Ignore his threats. Your child will be able to see through him. And don’t stoop to his level by badmouthing him back.

I’d have to pay, and I’m not finically in the position to have to pay. Yes I could, but my email address is used to everything I do. I will need to send my email to everyone else again, every organisation my work, the police, ect. I will look into it!

I think you should keep the emails as evidence. Do you have a trusted friend or family member to whom you could forward them without reading? Then delete them, knowing that they are safely stored and can be given to police or produced in court?