Should I do anything after all these years?

[Funkyslippers]

Dd (15) told me tonight that an old friend of hers, same age, when they were friends from about the ages of 8-10, would force my dd, and other mutual friends, to kiss her with tongues. This probably only happened a handful of times for each child and only ever at the girl's house. But on one occasion, my dd & her other friend that the girl had only met that day, got her friend's mum to drive them home as they were upset by it. My dd is saying she was upset at the time but is fine now. I knew nothing of this back then. I can't help but feel that this girl may have had it done to her. The girl may have known it was wrong as she was secretive about it. I know the mum. Should I say anything to her or just accept that it's in the past & my dd is ok now? I've reassured her she can talk to me about it at anytime

Kids of that age do experiment with kissing and stuff. Obviously this child was forceful and only she was into it, but I wouldn’t assume anything was amiss. No point bringing it up now and I would imagine when your daughter says she is fine she is.

The girl in question was 8-10. She wouldn’t have fully understood what she was doing even if she knew to keep it a secret. Much less would she have known about consent and sexual assault.

I wouldn’t raise this now. No harm was done and there’s nothing to be achieved by it.

I wouldn't speak to the mother, I would contact the safeguarding lead at her secondary school.

That's not normal behaviour for 8 years olds. She may still be experiencing SA or exposed to inappropriate behaviour

As someone who did experience SA by another child, I personally don’t think this is anything to worry about. It’s kissing, not sexual activity. An 8-10 year old will almost certainly be seeing people kissing on tv and possibly be talking about it with an older sibling or friends. The fact it didn’t escalate is actually a really good sign that she likely wasn’t being abused herself, which should be reassuring. I definitely don’t think it’s unusual for children to experiment at that age.

If this was a recent thing, it could still be worth reporting, but as it happened so long ago now, I personally wouldn’t report now. I would focus on your dd. It doesn’t sound like the girl meant any harm and probably didn’t intend to force anyone to do something they didn’t want to do, but it obviously was upsetting and it’s a good time to talk about boundaries and consent, which is even more crucial at 15.

Thank you everyone, I'll take the points on board

I remember a similar thing happened to me at that age. Not forcefully, but my friend suggested kissing and we did. Another friend did it too. I think when you're that age, you're just curious.

Why did your daughter bring it up now though?

She brought it up to me as she'd seen the friend for the first time in over a year (the one mentioned in the OP that the girl had done it to) and she had mentioned that she'd told her mum about it so I guess dd thought she would tell me. She started off by saying "I've got something to tell you that involves (the girl) and (friends' names) but it's nothing bad". From that I knew it wasn't good but I was more sad for the girls who must have all been upset about it at the time