AIBU to force summer camp?

[catlovingmummy]

My 2 DS are quite keen footballers and play for their local club. We have just come back from holiday and as I am working next week I said I wanted to put them in a local football camp for a couple of days only. The reaction was startling! Crying, protesting saying they didn't wanna go. They are 9 and 11 so not babies! I lost it (not so proud) and gave them a lecture on how lucky they are to have these opportunities etc...AIBU to enforce this and sign them up anyway? They are pretty much rotting on tablets and consoles for most of the day if I'm working with the odd park visit or kick about in the garden during the day.

Forgot to add they have been on this camp in the past and their main concern is they don't know anyone there as always different kids. They seem to be stuck in their own club and fear new people. I think it's good for them to experience other styles of players and environment sometimes. They will start with their own club again the week after.

It sounds like it would be good for them, but more to the point you gave to work, so they have to go.

They will likely enjoy it.

Just ignore the moaning, you don’t have to engage, just explain why it’s needed, remind them they’ll like it when they get there, and move on.

Thank you. Will try!

Do you wfh? If so on those days I’d let them stay at home they likely need to rest before returning to school if they are tearful at the prospect I’d really listen to that

Yes i will be wfh next week but some times i really need peace and quiet. It's just confusing because I agree, crying is quite disturbing but I've noticed in the past with things, they make a fuss and say they don't wanna go but then when I pick them up they had a really good time. It's more about increasing their confidence and not being afraid to try new things and other opportunities. I will speak to them 'nicely' about it though later when we have all calmed down and see what the underlying reasons are. Thank you 🙏

Working from home is not an excuse to also tend to children whilst at home. Its anyones guess whether OP’s 9 and 11 year olds are better or worse behaved or needing more/less/same attention as another person’s 4 or 12 year old and not the point quite. No wonder some employers and colleagues feel some people take the proverbial piss with WFH.

We for instance are a dual working couple both working full time with 3 days WFH weekly.Holidays require solid well thought out childcare arrangements, planning the money, saving across the year and tons of researching what sort of camp each kid will like.

I had DS2 refuse to do camp for similar reasons , also that he didn’t want to do tennis which he enjoys for 6 hours.
I agreed to let him stay at home with the agreement that he would do half a day of school work instead ( comprehension and times tables for 9 year old) and no screens . He agreed and was good as gold. Saved us money and clarified that he really didn’t want to do it.

Would that work? Win win either way with a quiet house for you and them achieving something.

@nightmaries thank you. Yes I do agree. We had childcare planned already with my mum as she lives nearby and can easily take them in the morning and take them to hers all day so I am very lucky in that sense. However, I do want them to do more activities as I know they'll just be on tablets with her when she's not taking them out.

I don't think they need tons of signed up for activities in summer. All through term time every minute of their school day is directed by others. I think we've lost that freedom of being a child where they have time to be bored and time to think and be and we've started trying to cram "activities" instead. Its too much structure for many kids. When they're on holiday it's great fun but they've also got to be on good behaviour/alert/adapting to a new place and routine.

I think we are currently in danger of undervaluing kids having time just to be kids. Going to the park, walks and hanging around at home.

That's interesting and a good compromise. Only thing I would struggle with is supervising the learning while I'm trying to work or if they're at my mums making sure they've done it with her (which never happens!) I think I need to be more strict and say I'm working now, go to your grans, rather than letting them watch a film in the morning and wait till they've finished while I'm on dining table trying to work throughout the film. I then end up catching up with work in the evening or late when they're in bed.

And having the odd morning watching a film or screens a bit in the holidays is okay too. I try and get them out for part of the day every day but chill time isn't bad.

Just seen that your mums happy to have them. And that will be a day mixed of going out and some chill time on screens. That sounds perfect!!!! I'd relax and let them do that. They get time with their granny too and are on home turf.

If you think they will enjoy it and benefit from it, I'd stay calm and explain this and still send them.

I remember behaving like this before some summer clubs tbh at a similar age. We had a death in the family when I was 9 - not someone I was close to but it affected one of my DPs hugely and therefore me. From that age I started to really struggle with increased anxiety and I would get very anxious about the prospect of stuff like this. However once I was there and slowly settled in, I was fine, and would enjoy and benefit from them. I'm glad my DPs used to push me into new experiences otherwise I wouldn't have gone and it wouldn't have done me any good (like your kids I would have just been mostly sat on screens otherwise which ultimately was even more harmful for my mental health).

No I would not force it but I really can't stand this 'I have made a decision and you have to be grateful because I have decided you have to do it'

I'd send them. I had the same with mine at similar ages, and like you say they would come back full of gossip, tired and smiling.

I'd be sending them off too.
I also give my dc a list of things to do before they can go on tablets. The list is different every day and includes things like
Playing in the garden
Do some specific chores
Read for 20 mins
Some timestables or maths workbook
Watch a documentary (that we've decided on already)

I was made to go to many summer camps as a kid, where I didn't know anyone. It was miserable. Talk about making memories - lots of unhappy ones there. But I always told my parents I'd had a good time, because I didn't want to admit I'd been sad and make them feel bad.

Quite. Whilst working parents do what precisely? People whose annual leave periods are already used up across the myriad school holidays, inset days, mirroring each other like ships in the night - what then? If the options are 1) taking the piss by WFH with them on telly 2) sending them to a cricket camp/code camp/theatre camp - surely the latter is preferable? For those that are able to spend 6 weeks having the children climb the wild outdoors great but for the vast majority some form of organised childcare is required for the times of the year when adults must work and children are not learning in school environments.

But she has her mum? It isn't for need of childcare but some belief it's better somehow.

On the basis that they've been to this camp before and are now crying about going back, I assume they really didn't enjoy it and are afraid to return. Maybe their fears are valid. What was their reaction the first time you sent them (was it tears and drama the same) and did they return saying what a smashing time they had?

Yes I do agree with this as we do tend to think we just need to keep kids active constantly. I guess it's just knowing with DM they'll be in screens a lot of the time (though home cooked meals is def a bonus!)

Yes part of it is wanting them to break that fear of trying new things. I too was like you as a child, very scared to try new things if I wasn't forced to. Didn't like all of them but some yes!

Use the money you would have spent on the camp on some activities they could do at home (Airfix kits, Lego, card games, crafts, books, puzzle books etc) and send them to your mums with those and without their gadgets.
They've just been on holiday. There's just over a week left of the school holidays....they probably don't want anymore organised "activities".

One of them didn't mind it and actually enjoyed it making a friend there. The other went once and then didn't go for the remaining 3 days because he said he was 'unwell'. I spoke to them just now and they did say they don't get the ball as much as other kids are too dominant.

@zaxxon that's sad and sorry you had bad experiences. I appreciate it's not always a great time for all kids.